I am special and chosen - a daily devotional for women by Anna Szabo #52Devotionals

Have you ever felt ordinary and inferior? I have. Actually, not only have I felt that way but I was literally told by my mother that I was unwanted, unwelcome, and unworthy. I described my experience in the blog called Things Narcissistic Mothers Say. Today, I will show you scriptures that reveal God’s purpose for your life. You are chosen and special.

This daily devotional is focused on this truth: you have been chosen by your creator and made very special to do the good works He prepared in advance for you to do. You are one of a kind. There’s no one like you. You’re unique.

The format of this devotional is “self-examination.” I’ll be sharing my personal story of how I went from feeling inferior because I wanted to “fit in” to embracing God’s divine plan for my life and walking with confidence in my identity with a purpose.

The reason why I chose the self-examination format for my devotionals is that whenever people tell me how I should think, I feel preached to, but whenever they share about their own faith journey and breakthroughs, I feel touched by their story. God uses their experiences to transform me.

I trust that sharing my struggles with feeling inferior, as well as presenting my spiritual breakthroughs in regards to my uniqueness will encourage and empower you.

May this devotion be a blessing to you!

I am Special and Chosen #52Devotionals Devotions for Women by Anna Szabo

Daily Devotional for Women: “I Am Special and Chosen”

I always felt rejected by my family. I never was able to fit in and belong. I knew that I was not like everyone else. I thought I was really weird. This perception of myself was formed by my mother who blamed, shamed, humiliated, bullied, and abused me emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Eventually, I decided to commit suicide.

READ: My Suicide Story

I think that the best way for me to help you understand my background is by sharing my Narcissistic Mother poem. It’s autobiographical and reflects the very dynamic of my relationship with my mom, to whom I was a scapegoat.

"Narcissistic Mother" #PoemsFromGod

A Narcissistic Mother is egotistical and incapable of love or compassion.
She is self-centered and only for herself does she experience any genuine passion. 

She is a caregiver who treats her daughter as if the child’s aim were to be of service.
She deliberately persuades her daughter that she’s unloved, undeserving, unwanted, and worthless.

A Narcissistic Mother is one moment raging and next moment she is smiling.
She behaves unpredictably; her goal is to win people’s compliments and admiring. 

She has an enmeshed relationship with her daughter where her child’s needs don’t even exist.
If she decides to appear nice, she is pleasant, but in a split of a second, she’s violent and pissed. 

She uses her daughter to fuel her ego or get some money;  that’s pretty much it.
And of course, her true motives she would never openly to anyone admit.

A Narcissistic Mother sucks the life out her daughter and says straightforwardly: “I just want you dead!”
Her daughter ends up with a long-lasting emotional trauma and a life of deep healing ahead.  


10/6/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA


p.s: The Trauma of The Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

I’ve been spending the last six years healing, and it’s been an amazing journey. I give God all the glory for my story. He taught me who I truly am, based on the Gospel. I was able to embrace my identity in Christ and committed my life to helping other women discover and accept what God says about them.

This journey has been incredible.

Let me tell you about it.

Formed by God to be Alive

I was born out of wedlock in Russia in 1983 into a family of alcoholics to a single mother who hated me. There were ten people in a four-bedroom condo: my mom, me, her middle sister Sveta and her daughter Julya, her little sister Ira and her family, and my grandparents. 

My grandma was so ashamed of me being fatherless, she insisted that I never call her “grandma” in front of people. My family made and sold their own moonshine. My grandma, my aunt, and my mom were all working as janitors, and they envisioned that same profession as a perfect future for me. I had never had anything against janitors but my dreams for my future were different.

Emotional and physical abuse, rape, two suicide attempts – I’ve been through it all. My life at home was awful, abusive, humiliating and debilitating. I described it in great detail in my blog post about the relational dynamics between narcissistic mothers and their daughters.

READ: Narcissistic Mother-Daughter Relationship

My mother started getting me addicted to porn when I was very young. I kept my virginity till 16, which was too long for her and she highly encouraged me to finally just give it away. So, I did. Then, I was encouraged to sleep around and eventually became a sex addict. I described my story in detail in a blog post about my sexual addiction.

READ: My Sex Addiction Story

My mother told me on a regular basis: “You’re worthless, I hate you, and I just want you dead!” Her abuse was unbearable, and eventually, I came to the end of myself. Actually, twice she broke me: at 11 and 12. I tried to commit suicide when I was 11 and 12. I liked much better the idea of being dead than living with my mother for another day.

My mom made me feel unwanted, unwelcome, and unworthy.

READ: Narcissist Mother

I grew up and left Russia.

I emigrated to America in 2008.

In 2016, I married a kind-hearted, Bible-believing, seminary graduate (according to his words) Christian man who treated me with love and care (only while we were dating). I loved him and did not anticipate at all what was about to happen. I saw him as Christ-like, mature, and trustworthy.

Michel Szabo with Anna Stevens (Anna Szabo) - Engagement Pictures

As I walked down the aisle on May 14th, 2016, there stood Michel, the man I loved and adored! He had tears of happiness in his eyes and declared his genuine love for me to the world that day. I was very happy to marry the man I admired and desired. I felt blessed by God and my hopes were high. I believed that God would give us a ministry.

Our wedding was very joyful and memorable.

After our wedding, Michel abandoned the marriage and declared to me: “My bicycle is my other wife I cheat on you with.” He said that he wasn’t interested in me anymore and that all he wanted was to be an IronMan and complete in Kona.

I was devastated. I was getting used to being rejected by Michel. He rejected me not just verbally and with his daily actions, but also sexually. He’d yell at me if I made moves toward him: “I don’t want none of this! Can’t you understand? I need to save my body for IronMan!” It was bizarre.

READ: Narcissistic Abuse Examples

Every day following our wedding, Michel treated me as unwanted, unwelcome, and unworthy. It was too familiar. I soon realized that I married my mother. It was too much to take. He was cruel and mean.

I began to experience suicidal depression.

Being dead seemed like a much better future than another day of the future with Michel. While trapped in two divorces Michel filed for in our first eight months of marriage, I was seeing a Biblical counselor. Her name was Tammy. I loved her. We met on Wednesdays at 5 pm via FaceTime.

Tammy prohibited me from focusing on what Michel said about me. In my despair, she turned my focus toward the Bible to find out what God said about me. Tammy taught me about Spiritual Warfare, the Armor of God, and God’s Promises.

I wanted to know why I was here on earth.

Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Genesis 2:7

I had a breakthrough: that was exactly how God created me! Out of the dust, for His purpose and glory, God made me because He wanted to have me. He wanted me to be here, live alive, and glorify Him. I felt relieved. I felt like a whole new world was right in front of me. I felt hopeful again.

I am chosen, not forsaken! I am special!

I discovered from the Bible that I was wanted, welcome, and well-desired. I found out that I came here for a reason, for a purpose, that I was brought here to be God’s glory on display. God chose to have me here for His special purpose. That breakthrough made me feel unique and special. I wrote a poem about my experience.

It’s called My Life Is Such a Gift.

"My Life Is Such a Gift" #PoemsFromGod

My life is such a gift.
My life is such a blessing.
I'm grateful for each day,
Which I'm with joy professing.

I'm grateful for the peace,
I'm grateful that I'm healthy,
For joy that may not cease,
And being friendships-wealthy.

I'm grateful for abundance 
Of food and drinking water,
And clothing choices hundreds,
And being God's own daughter.

I'm grateful for each mentor
Who time invests and wisdom
To ground me and center
In Gospel and God's kingdom.

I'm grateful for awareness
Of who I am in Jesus
And for my journey's rareness.
To love it I have reasons.

My life is very special,
And I am special also -
I have a high potential,
With Scriptures armed, I know so.


9/14/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

I realized that, though many times in my life suicide seemed like a great way out, though I was encouraged by my mother to commit suicide, as well as threatened with suicide by both my mother and Michel, actually, God created me to live.

The purpose of living is life itself. My life is precious. I haven’t wandered here by accident. I am here to fulfill God’s divine purpose. I am here to live alive and give God the glory for my story.

You see, I thought death was better than life with either my mother or Michel because I was confused about my identity. Confusion is of Satan, not of God. God is not a God of confusion. God gives clarity.

God gave me clarity.

Loved and Handpicked by God

God revealed to me that I am loved and I was handpicked by Him. Yes, it’s true, according to my mother, she didn’t want me, didn’t plan on having me, and I was an unwanted accident for her.

But I didn’t come into this world from my mother. I came here through my mother. But the one I came here from was God. I wasn’t an accident to God. I didn’t just happen to Him. I am not a mistake. God planned on having me. He created me. He wanted me.

God welcomed me into this world. He was ready for me. He prepared for me. He planned everything in advance, including my purpose, uniqueness, and the good works I’d do, which He prepared in advance, as well. God guarded and protected me. He loved me when I was still in my mother’s womb.

For we know, brothers and sisters loved by God, that he has chosen you.

1 Thessalonians 1:4

When I discovered from the word of God that He chose me because He loved me first, I wept. I felt so special, no longer ordinary or inferior or weird. I felt desired, no longer unwanted. I felt accepted, no longer rejected. I felt like I wanted to live my life alive!

Most of my marriage with Michel, I was under the care of a trauma counselor who was experienced working with victims of narcissistic abuse.
I also shared that I worked with a Biblical counselor. We met every Wednesday at 5 pm. She was the one who led me to study Spiritual Warfare. She also taught me to focus on my identity as a Child of God instead of Michel’s wife. It was a breakthrough! It was a gift that keeps on giving years later. It became the foundation of my Christian ministry, Online Discipleship For Women.

Michel traded me in for an IronMan bicycle like a commodity. But God handpicked me for His special purpose to bear fruit in His kingdom. This discovery and my breakthrough helped me ask God to speak to me. It helped me hear from God. He called me to ministry, and I committed my life to helping alleviate suicide among women globally by sharing hope in Christ, which I’ve been doing ever since.

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Appointed by God To Bear Fruit

From the moment I discovered the truth about my identity and purpose, I had to train my mind to turn away from how my mother didn’t choose me and how Michel traded me in for an IronMan bicycle. I had to take every thought captive and submit it to the truth of Christ, which is this: Jesus chose me and I am special.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit – fruit that will last – and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

John 15:16


That’s Jesus telling me how and why He chose me. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Jesus Christ, the son of God, chose and appointed me to fulfill His purpose! He gave me faith.

READ: What is Faith?

He planned every minute of my life and even my character. He prepared my every step to walk in such a way that I would be equipped and prepared to do the good works He planned in advance for me to do. He made me one of a kind. He knows my heart and destiny.

I am chosen, not forsaken! I am special and chosen.

Having a Purpose as a Privilege

Remember I was wondering during my Biblical counseling with Tammy: “What’s the purpose of having me here on earth?” I learned that the purpose of my life is to glorify God. I am God’s glory on display. My story is a story of God’s amazing grace and glory. My testimony gives hope and brings light into the darkness of others’ lives and minds.

… you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9

Royal. Holy. Special. Called to light. That’s all me.

I’ve learned that all of these things describe me, according to the Bible. My purpose is to “declare the praises of him who called” me “out of darkness.” In other words, to praise and glorify God – that’s the purpose of my life as a child of the King of the universe and His royal heir.

Knowing my purpose made me feel alive again. God healed me from my suicidal depression and gave me this Christian ministry for women.

READ: I Am Healed

Knowing my purpose helped me examine my life and see God’s presence every step of the way. It helped me witness what He equipped me to do: to encourage and empower women with my story.

My Story

God’s Purpose for Your Life

Have you ever felt ordinary and inferior? No more! I’ve learned what God says about me and it healed me. You can learn the truth, and the truth will set you free from the comparison trap so that you don’t have to feel inferior or weird but know that you’re unique and special for a reason.

You are a special and chosen child of God, a royal heir with a Kingdom purpose. You’ve been designed to be unique to specifically fulfill your divine purpose given to you by God.

Do you wholeheartedly believe this about yourself? 

If you do, memorize the Biblical affirmation I created for you to remember that you have been handpicked by the creator of everything and you have a special purpose as King’s royal heir in His kingdom.

I Am Special and Chosen

"I Am Special and Chosen" #52Devotionals

I am special, I am chosen, 
Formed from dust in God's own image,
Made alive just by His Spirit,
With a purpose as a royal privilege. 

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How does it make you feel to know confidently that you are a special and chosen child of God? Share with me in the comments below so I can rejoice with you. If this devotional was helpful, download all #52Devotionals now.

Read 52 Devotionals

Summary

I shared with you in this daily devotional for women how I discovered from the word of God that I am special and chosen. That helped me stop feeling inferior and allowed me to embrace God’s divine purpose on my life.

I explained to you God’s purpose for your life.

I am chosen, not forsaken. This breakthrough changed everything for me. In the last few years, my life transformed completely because of my identity transformation. You see, I believed what my mom said about me and what Michel said about me. Yet, I never considered what God said about me.

Who I am in Christ is so much important!

Today, I help women see themselves the way God sees them. I’ve specifically been focusing on identity in Christ. From the Bible, I discovered 52 incredibly-positive things God says about us as His daughters. Those 52 precious discoveries turned into 52 Biblical affirmations I created to encourage and empower Christian women. 

To help share this life-changing information with you, I created an ebook called #52Devotionals. Download it now for free

My free ebook helps you understand who God says you are. Don’t be vulnerable to identity attacks from the mainstream media, relatives, coworkers, your boss, society, culture, and the voices in your head. 

Stand firm and know God’s purpose for your life!

Anna Szabo Ebook Devotionals for Women #52Devotionals

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