Depression and Suicide - my journey of Depression recovery and how to help someone with depression - Anna Szabo

Have you ever experienced depression? I have. In 2016-2017, I was severely depressed and suicidal, paralyzed by unbearable sadness, suffering from multiple types of depression, cared for by two mental health professionals. Let’s explore how to deal with depression, its signs, symptoms, and causes.

In this article, I will share with you everything I know about depression, as well as tell you my personal depression story.

“Depression is like a dark cloud following you everywhere you go. Depression paralyzes your ability to live, think, create, and feel anything but unbearable sadness and despair.” (click to tweet)

Anna Szabo


My Depression Story

Depression was something I never had nor was I ever aware of anyone having something like this.

It was never a topic I heard of, though my narcissistic mother did threaten me often with suicide, so I do think she was depressed.

RELATED: What Depression Feels Like

I remember that life with my abusive family of Russian alcoholics was really hard. I tried to commit suicide at 11 and 12. My mother made a joke of it and sarcastically encouraged me to try again, expressing contempt for me for not succeeding at it yet.

Though I did attempt suicide, no one was talking to me about my feelings. Ever. No one paid any attention to anything but drinking, sex, and gossip.

RELATED: Molested by My Mother

I grew up in Soviet Russia where we had nothing, so the goal every day was to survive, not just poverty but also my violent family environment.

In addition to mere daily survival, there was hard work:

  • Doing laundry in a bathtub by hand
  • Washing dishes by hand in a microscopic sink
  • Boiling water to take a shower and wash my curly hair (there were 30 days of no hot water every Summer)
  • Peeling a 10-liter bucket of potatoes daily
  • Working on the farm
  • Cleaning after ten people

And so much more…

There was no time to think or feel.

There were no feelings as I was growing up, there were just hard daily work and innate desire to survive violence.


There was one feeling: anger.

Yes, anger was an ok-to-have feeling.

No, actually, anger wasn’t a feeling. It was my family’s lifestyle.

Anger was a response to everything at home.

Everybody was angry all the time. It was an addiction, too.

Anger fueled more anger, people screamed, fought, drank, fell asleep, woke up, screamed, raged, fought, drank, and so on.

That was what I saw growing up.

RELATED: My Suicide Story

Later, my therapist told me that anger masked unprocessed sadness and she encouraged me to grief, experience sadness, and cry.

I thought she was crazy and walked out. Later, I discovered that she was right. Today, I grieve and cry and I feel all human emotions, but we are now still talking about the past, so…

Narcissistic Mother Explained by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women
Depression has to do with unprocessed sadness

I was allowed to experience others’ anger and be the target for their anger, but if I myself felt angry or expressed anger, I was condemned.

So, I just was never able to figure out the double-standards of my caregivers and I mostly disassociated, spent a lot of time in my head, focused on my goals, and persevered without feelings.

That being said, I do remember the following about myself:

  • I often raged,
  • I was a rebellious teen,
  • I physically abused a security guard at a local hospital one night while drunk, for which me and my friend were taken to jail for one night.

She was a judge, so we were quickly let go and everyone forgot all about it.

Except me.

I do remember what life was like in Russia and who I was before I gave my life to Christ in 2014.

I was a straight-A-student and earned three degrees in Russia.

In 2008, I graduated from my last two universities and moved to America.

I thought I was getting married to the love of my life and planned to have a family forever. But, actually, I was simply a mail-ordered bride.

So, I was immediately enslaved upon my arrival in America.

Life in the United States was stressful for me: I was living in a Domestic Violence situation, after which, eight months later, I became a homeless immigrant with no documents or English skills once the police rescued me from my abuser and delivered me to a battered women’s shelter.

There was no time for sadness or feelings.

I had to simply survive and deal with everyday life.

That continued for a few more years. I described my journey in detail in the blog post How To Be Fully Human.

RELATED: How To Be Fully Human

In 2016, I was experiencing severe Narcissistic Abuse in my marriage.

The mental cruelty treatment I was subjected to through Narcissistic Gaslighting, Projection, Silent Treatment, Devaluation, and Discarding, broke me down, and I entered a season of depression, which eventually paralyzed me with psychomotor retardation and resulted in suicidal ideation.

What led to such a severe case of suicidal depression?

Let’s define depression and explore it in detail.

What is depression?

"Depression"  #PoemsFromGod

Depression is the most fundamental human medical misery.
It’s crippling, it turned me into a suddenly-crying socially-isolated mystery. 

Depression comes without knocking and is incredibly pervasive.
It spreads quickly and takes over. It’s vigorous and abrasive. 

Depression dominates your mind and body authoritatively. 
When I decided to break free, I had to go about it very creatively.

I know Depression too well from personally experiencing its severe damage.
That’s how I can share this information with you. Experience gave me the so-called “advantage”

Depression takes away your ability to feel pleasure and joy.
Depression aims to completely your happiness destroy.

Depression is bad news and unfortunately, it’s very common.
Depression is debilitating and to help yourself, the cause of it you must examine.

What happened initially that forced you to feel at a loss and experience profound sadness?
That initial event - or a series of events - turned your mental health into a lasting depression madness.

What’s mine? Well.. I married an amazing Christian man.
After the wedding, he said he’s not interested in me and instead wants to become an IronMan.

He called his bicycle MY OTHER WIFE I CHEAT ON YOU WITH and it hurt so much,
Then, he filed for a divorce 4 months after the wedding and that’s how I got into a depression clutch.

Depression paralyzed me with its well-known psychomotor retardation.
I had no energy to even do dishes or to take care of simple meal preparation.

Depression also takes your life over with its vegetative symptoms:
Inattention,  insomnia, low energy - each simply your life cripples.

Depression is not something you can easily using willpower snap out of.
You need to do a root cause analytics and find out what initially triggered all those symptoms listed above.

Take depression seriously and analyze where it’s taking your life overall.
I was so handicapped by depression, I saw no purpose in living at all.

Then, I interviewed myself on paper,  in my journal and realized
That I have a purpose and it’s too premature to have my life finalized.

So, I decided that my life is well worth living,
As long as in God’s greater plan I keep believing.

So, I started training my brain, working out, and eating healthy again, 
I begun to walk 10000 steps daily and slowly I got off the crazy depression train.

I confronted every destructive, depressive, suicidal thought with a Biblical affirmation. 
And that’s how I was able to get my power back by giving my mind an intentional daily transformation. 

2/6/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Depression Definition: What is Depression?

Defining depression is key to understanding its causes, symptoms, and impact.

As a high achiever who had never experienced depression, I condemned myself for having it in 2016 and 2017. I resented it and refused to believe that it was even possible for me to be so depressed.

I demanded from myself to snap out of depression.

It never worked and led to even greater damage.

Don’t do it!

Depression is serious. You can’t snap out of it.

Anyone can get depressed.

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn’t worth living. Depression isn’t a weakness, you can’t simply “snap out” of it.

The Mayo Clinic

I put together 11 quotes about depression recovery where 11 famous people share their depression stories.

Domestic Violence 101 by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women
Depression is not something you can snap out of

Eventually, I realized that I was seriously depressed and had to accept it. However, the signs of depression are not at first obvious.

It takes time to experience and observe the unusual signs before depression becomes apparent.

 "Signs of Depression" #PoemsFromGod

Signs of depression are not at first obvious:
Sadness and indifference can be confused for sloppiness.

Anxiety, apathy, loss of pleasure, and restlessness 
Can all be confused for life’s mere stressfulness.

Binge eating, fatigue, excessive crying, and lack of concentration 
Can all put you on a list for stress level consideration.

But all of those signs of depression become concerning
When hopelessness and suicidal thoughts your mind start controlling.

Add to the list also constant irritability and agitation 
And then you can understand my long-term social isolation.

My depression signs became completely unquestionable 
When I stopped washing my hair, taking showers, and being fashionable.

I stopped caring about what I looked like and even what I smelled like.
I stopped caring about the opinions of  whoever my appearance and mood might dislike.

Depression signs are all those individual signs of stress, only together combined, 
And multiplied by 1000 all compound in my body and mind.

I can’t get out of bed, but even when I can, I question WHY.
Life makes no sense and I’d rather today in my bed like this die. 

Nothing interests me and there’s no purpose in anything.
I don’t trust anyone and I question the why of everything. 

Depression signs are hopelessness and sadness,
Your thoughts are slow but they’re all mostly focused on suicide madness.

Depression is dark, big, black, deep hole.
I don’t wish depression on anyone ever at all. 

I fight my depression with Biblical scriptures every day.
I lean on God and to Him for healing I pray. 

I know that God loves me and Jesus gave His life for mine,
My hope comes from the Lord who heals from depression my mind. 
Are you depressed? Or do you know someone who is?
Share this poetry with them and spread the hope please. 

2/5/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

You can download the Biblical affirmations mentioned in my depression poem here:

From asking “Am I Depressed?” I moved to the next stage of my depression awareness to asking “What Causes Depression?” and “Why Am I So Depressed?”

Then, finally, I learned (over time) how to deal with depression.

There are many types of depression.

Types of Depression

Types of depression are important to recognize and understand. They determine how to deal with depression in each individual case.

There are 12 types of depression:

  1. Major Depressive Disorder
  2. Treatment-Resistant Depression
  3. Subsyndromal (Atypical) Depression
  4. Persistent Depressive Disorder
  5. Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder
  6. Bipolar Depression
  7. Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder
  8. Postpartum (or Perinatal) Depression
  9. Seasonal Affective Disorder
  10. Substance-Induced Mood Disorder
  11. Psychotic Depression
  12. An Illness-Related Depression

However, there are some common symptoms that you may be able to recognize if you’re asking yourself: “Am I Depressed?”

Here they are described in my own words from my personal depression experience.

"Am I Depressed?" #PoemsFromGod

Am I just sad or am I truly depressed? 
Maybe I’m just by the pace of life temporarily stressed? 

Am I always sleepless because I work too much?
Or am I stuck in the deep dark depression clutch?  

I know I’m depressed because I’ve lived like this for too long:
Not wanting to go anywhere and not interested in being strong.

I’m not excited about anything or anyone anymore at all.
I just feel like I live in a deep dark depression hole. 

I have no joy and nothing gives me genuine pleasure.
I don’t give a crap about the things I used to wholeheartedly treasure.

I’m moving from one day to another wishing that it would all just end.
I know I’m depressed because I live in the hopelessness and indifference land. 

But I’ve been saved by Jesus Christ and so I wholeheartedly lean on Him.
I stand firmly on God’s Promises waiting till with joy again my cup He can brim. 

I don’t trust my emotions and feelings, depression or suicidal thoughts.
I trust God’s Promises and I know He has in store for me blessings lots. 

I am special, I am valuable, I matter, so I stay alive
And share my faith and this poetry with others to help ease their depression pain and possibly even save their life.

If you are depressed right now, trust in Christ.
Your life is important - at His blood it was priced. 

Your life matters so much that He sacrificed His for yours.
As a precious child of God to you He refers.

You are special, you’re valuable, you matter, so stay alive.
And share your faith and this poetry with others to help ease their depression pain and possibly even save their life! 

2/5/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Let’s discuss each depression type in detail.

Major Depressive Disorder

In a given year, more than 16 million Americans experience this common type of depression, also known as major depression, or clinical depression.

Under diagnostic criteria published by the American Psychiatric Association, people must have at least five symptoms persisting for two weeks or longer to be diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

The symptoms include feelings of sadness, emptiness, worthlessness, hopelessness, and guilt; loss of energy, appetite, or interest in enjoyable activities; changes in sleep habits; and thoughts of death and suicide.

Major Depressive Disorder has two subtypes:

  • Atypical Depression
  • Melancholic Depression

People who fall into the former category tend to sleep and eat a lot. They are emotionally reactive and very anxious.

People in the latter category have trouble sleeping and tend to dwell on their guilt and shame.

We will discuss the above-mentioned depression types in detail later.

Treatment-Resistant Depression

Sometimes people with Major Depressive Disorder don’t respond to depression treatment. They have Treatment-Resistant Depression.

Helping people overcome Treatment-Resistant Depression begins with a thorough evaluation to ensure a proper diagnosis and identify other psychiatric and medical causes of depression symptoms.

People struggling with this type of depression might require several drugs or unconventional medical intervention.

I worked at a heal organization that offered unique, unconventional treatments to Treatment-Resistant Depression patients.

Subsyndromal (Atypical) Depression

Overeating, sleeping too much, and extreme emotional sensitivity combined with suddenly perking up in face of a positive event indicates Subsyndromal (Atypical) Depression.

Current terminology refers to it as a Depressive Disorder with Atypical Features. This type of depression doesn’t follow what was thought to be the “typical” presentation of the disorder.

This type of depression is actually common.

A person who has depressive symptoms but doesn’t quite check all the boxes for a diagnosis of major depression may be deemed “subsyndromal.”

Persistent Depressive Disorder

This type of depression is also called dysthymia. It is a depressed mood that lasts for at least two years. A person diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder may have episodes of major depression along with periods of less severe symptoms, but symptoms must last for two years to be considered Persistent Depressive Disorder.

People with Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD) have a low, dark, or sad mood on most days and at least two additional symptoms of depression lasting two years or more.

To be diagnosed with this type of depression, people must also have two of the following: sleep problems (too much or too little); low energy or fatigue; low self-esteem; poor appetite or overeating; poor concentration or difficulty making decisions; and feelings of hopelessness.

Persistent Depressive Disorder requires treatment with a combination of medication and psychotherapy.

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder

Up to 10% of women of childbearing age experience premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). This severe form of PMS can trigger depression, sadness, anxiety, or irritability, as well as other extreme symptoms, in the week before the period.

Scientists believe such women may have an abnormal sensitivity to hormonal changes during their menstrual cycle.

Researchers at the University of California San Diego are exploring the use of light therapy to improve sleep quality and mood in women with PMDD.

Bipolar Depression

Someone with bipolar disorder experiences episodes of extremely low moods that meet the criteria for major depression (called “bipolar depression”). But a person with bipolar disorder also experiences extreme high – euphoric or irritable – moods called “mania” or a less severe form called “hypomania.”

Wide swings in mood and energy, from elation to hopelessness, are the signature of Bipolar Depression, also called bipolar disorder or manic-depressive illness.

To be diagnosed with this form of depression, a person must have experienced at least one bout of mania.

Bipolar usually shows up in young adulthood. Men appear to have more manic behavior; women tend toward depressive symptoms.

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder

Screaming and temper tantrums can be features of Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD), a type of depression diagnosed in those who struggle with regulating their emotions.

Other symptoms include an irritable or angry mood most of the day nearly every day and trouble getting along in school, at home, or with their peers.

Strong emotional outbursts characterize Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder, as well as the inability to contain emotions.

Currently, DMDD is treated using medications, psychotherapy, and parent training on how to effectively deal with a child’s irritable behavior.

Postpartum (or Perinatal) Depression

Women experience this type of depression after giving birth. Women with postpartum depression experience full-blown major depression during pregnancy or after delivery (postpartum depression).

The feelings of extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion that accompany postpartum depression may make it difficult for these new mothers to complete daily care activities for themselves and the babies.

The birth of a baby brings joy but can sometimes lead to postpartum depression (PPD), a type that affects one in four women and one in eight men.

In women, it’s triggered by shifts in hormones. In men, it’s environmental, brought on by shifting roles and lifestyle changes that come with parenting.

Postpartum depression can begin any time in the first year following a child’s birth, although it usually appears soon after the new arrival.

Intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion become overwhelming and can interfere with daily life.

It can provoke thoughts of hurting yourself or even your baby.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a recurring type of depression (also known as seasonal depression) that usually strikes in the fall or winter.

It is characterized by the onset of depression during the winter months when there is less natural sunlight. It lifts during spring and summer.

Winter depression, typically accompanied by social withdrawal, increased sleep, and weight gain, predictably returns every year.

Along with a change in mood, SAD-affected people tend to have low energy. They may overeat, oversleep, crave carbs, gain weight, or withdraw from social interaction.

Women and younger adults are at higher risk of developing SAD. It is diagnosed after at least two years of recurring, seasonal symptoms.

Substance-Induced Mood Disorder

Using or abusing sedating drugs can change your mood.

Symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, and loss of interest in pleasurable activities typically appear shortly after taking or abusing a substance or during withdrawal.

Substances that can lead to this type of depression include alcohol (if you drink too much), opioid painkillers, and benzodiazepines (which act on the central nervous system).

To diagnose someone with a Substance-Induced Mood Disorder, doctors must rule out other potential causes of depression, and the depression must be severe enough to interfere with daily activities.

Some people have depression but are still highly-functioning, like I was for years. I do see now that I surely had depression, however, as a high achiever, I was not admitting any vulnerabilities, which of course led to a total collapse eventually.

Psychotic Depression

This type of depression occurs when a person has severe depression plus some form of psychosis, such as having delusions or hallucinations.

The psychotic symptoms typically have a depressive “theme,” such as delusions of guilt, poverty, or illness.

Psychotic depression is characterized by losing touch with reality.

An Illness-Related Depression

Coping with a serious chronic disease, like heart disease, cancer, multiple sclerosis, and HIV/AIDS, can be depressing in and of itself.

Disease-related inflammation may also play a role in the onset of depression. Inflammation causes the release of certain chemicals by the immune system that cross into the brain, leading to brain changes that can trigger or worsen depression in certain people.

I personally struggled with major depression but had atypical symptoms, such as binge-eating and sleeping for days.

Here’s a poem I wrote about it:

“Whoever Brings Blessing Will be Enriched” Proverbs 11:25

Bless Online Discipleship For Women

"Depressed" #PoemsFromGod

Depressed. Is it just a word or is it actually a very serious diagnosis?
Here’s my story of the suicidal depression and Narcissistic hypnosis. 

I started experiencing an everyday fatigue and at first thought that  I was just too stressed out and tired.
I began to also feeling sad and stopped being interested in the things by which I used to be genuinely inspired. 

My appetite started changing and I began  binge eating to the point of making myself really sick.
That’s when the idea of being severely depressed started to actually finally click. 

Self-loathing was another depression symptom I began to experience.
I wrote a suicidal poem about how much my existence felt to me purposeless which  felt truly mysterious.

I am aware of the fact that I am well-educated, highly-creative, beautiful, and smart.
But none of it mattered when a Narcissist intentionally decided to mental cruelty on me exercising start. 

I went from being joyful, driven, clear-minded, and fully alive 
To experiencing complete numbness from emotional pain and I just stopped for anything to strive. 

My depression was driving me to suicidal thoughts with complete lack of joy and passion.
And I gave up on doing hair, dressing up, doing makeup, and caring about colors and fashion. 

Isolation and complete social disconnect became my best zone of emotional comfort.
Being alone all day long in pajamas helped me process and accept Narcissistic Abuse from which I so much suffered. 

And then, being weak, isolated, indifferent, sleepless, and mentally sick,
I asked myself where I was going with all this and how I let the Narcissist my brain so eloquently for so long trick. 

And so I decided to do everything I can to pull myself out of the deep depression pit.
I decided that I will NEVER on my life and mental health so easily quit.

Yes, it’s unquestionable: severely traumatic events do happen to us in life.
But life is worth living and even after enduring unimaginable emotional pain we still CAN thrive.

I started lifting my emotional pain and depression in prayer up to God.
And slowly God pulled me out of the sticky and stinky depression mud. 

God gave me a new understanding of my identity in Christ.
He loved me so much, SO I can live, His life He sacrificed. 

I have a new hope again, feel excited about my life, and look forward to what’s coming
As the person God created me to be I’m intentionally becoming. 

Are you depressed? Or do you know someone who is?
Share this poetry with them, spread the hope and possibly even save their life, please. 

2/7/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Depression Symptoms: Signs of Depression

Depression symptoms are many and only after they’ve been harassing you grouped together for an extended period of time can you see that you need help.

Common symptoms of depression:

  • Persistent sad, anxious mood or feeling of emptiness
  • Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
  • Irritability
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
  • Loss of interest in favorite activities
  • Decreased energy or fatigue
  • Moving or talking very slowly
  • Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Appetite and weight changes
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
  • Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems
  • Crying outspells
  • Anger outbursts, irritability, or frustration
  • Slowed thinking and inability to make decisions or respond to questions
  • Trouble thinking, concentrating, and remembering things
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
  • Memory difficulties or personality changes
  • Isolation, wanting to stay at home rather than going out to socialize and explore

I had severe and debilitating depression symptoms: binge-eating, oversleeping, isolation, suicidal ideation, hopelessness, weight gain, but most difficult of all was psychomotor retardation.

"Depression Symptoms" #PoemsFromGod

Trouble sleeping or just not going to bed at all
Is one of the first and most obvious depression symptoms.
You just lie with your eyes open all night or take around the house stroll, 
And from restlessness you quickly start getting facial pimples. 

Loss of interest in your favorite activities
Is next on the depression symptoms list.
I used to be excited about theater, dancing and movies,
But now to get me to go out you’d literally  my arm have to twist. 

And then, there’s also such a huge depression symptom as constant fatigue.
Decrease in energy and a long-lasting tiredness even after 10-hour sleep can easily anyone intrigue. 

And finally and most importantly, there are severe thoughts of hopelessness and death.
I’m suffering from them the most, trying to just be here for my next breath. 

Being so depressed makes me feel helpless and question why be here at all.
But I do know there’s hope, and while waiting to get better, I can’t run but I can crawl. 

So I crawl out of bed daily and I do only a few very simple things.
It’s important to understand your depression and the paralyzing slowness it brings. 

I’m not trying to hide it or snap out of it or dismiss it.
When you’re trapped in depression, you must recognize it, admit it, and with patience treat it. 

I treat my divorce-related depression with prayer instead of medication. 
And I give my mind a makeover every day with Biblical meditation. 

If you are currently depressed or know someone who is,
Share this video to help save their life, please.

2/5/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Even today, when I listen to some of the episodes of The Anna Szabo Show and hear myself speak extremely slowly with no energy, I cry because it reminds me of psychomotor retardation and the extreme damage depression from Narcissistic Abuse caused to my brain function.

Affected by psychomotor retardation, I was testifying for four days in a divorce jury trial with the Narcissist in 2017.

RELATED: Narcissistic Relationship Abuse

What is psychomotor retardation?

Psychomotor Retardation as a Depression Scar

European Neuropsychopharmacology in their Volume 24, Issue 10, October 2014, Pages 1630-1640 showcases the following:

Psychomotor retardation is a scar of past depressive episodes, revealed by simple cognitive tests

Psychomotor retardation (PMR) has been recognized as one of the most fundamental features of major depressive disorder by the earliest psychiatric authors and is reflected in the use of various contemporary classification systems. Descriptions of PMR have remained consistent in the literature; most portrayals of depressive symptomatology emphasized disturbances in speech, facial expression, fine motor behavior, gross locomotor activity, or ideation.

Psychomotor Retardation in Depression

Suffering from psychomotor retardation in 2017 from prolonged depression as a result of mental cruelty, I spoke slowly, moved slowly, was foggy-minded and confused, unable to concentrate, and with significantly handicapped thinking, which only worsened my depression as I myself was able to witness that I was dysfunctional.

What causes depression which produces such a domino effect on all areas of life and being?

What Causes Depression: Why Am I Depressed?

When I stopped asking “Am I Depressed?” once it was obvious that I was battling a really pervasive depression with suicidal ideation, I then began figuring our “Why Am I Depressed?”

It was childhood trauma from being raised by Narcissistic Mother topped with Domestic Violence I endured in 2008-2009 as I emigrated to America from Russia, my untreated for many years Sexual Addiction, and the final drop was cruel Narcissistic Abuse I was subjected to in my marriage in 2016-2017.

RELATED: My Story of Domestic Violence

Altogether, the multiple adversities I had overcome in the past seemed too much to the fragile, exhausted new bride who was traumatized by her IronMan-aspired husband every day in many ways, and everything collapsed inside out.

"What Causes Depression?" #PoemsFromGod

Depression is a much more complex disease 
Than just a simple brain chemical imbalance.
Stressful life events like a divorce or when a loved one deceased
Can throw your headspace completely out of balance.

Add to it faulty mood regulations and physical illness,
Genetic vulnerability and other biological forces,
And you will get an authentic depression realness -
All of those things together are depression causes.

Then, most importantly, there is exhausting overwhelm
From adversity when you can’t see passed your current pain.
I was overwhelmed by the Narcissistic Premeditated Deception realm,
Depressed and suicidal, unable to any new perspective gain. 

Add to that overwhelming pain lack of energy and disinterest in self-care,
Deep grief and living in reality that actually feels to you surreal -
And you get to a mental place where you just stop to dare,
You just have so much pain inside already that with nothing more you can deal. 

The biggest cause of long-lasting depression is sudden hopelessness.
That’s what I experienced after my husband of 4 months traded me in for a bicycle.
From pain and ache, my bleeding heart experienced unimaginable brokenness,
While he filed for a divorce saying he wants to make his IronMan dream possible. 

Depression is caused also by childhood losses and early trauma.
This includes losing a parent, having multiple caregivers, experiencing abuse, or being neglected.
Living in a home that’s unsafe exposes a child to constant drama,
By that experience the child who becomes a depressed adult is later affected.

On a list of depression causes are also lack of  vitamins and poor nutrition.
That’s why to fight my depression I completely changed my diet.
To protect myself from this dark disease I’m on a mission.
My body I protect with exercise and food and my mind with meditation by being quite.

And that is the most important depression cause on our list today:
Your mind, your brain, your thought life, and your headspace.
You need to make the time to sit in silence,  be mindful, meditate, and pray. 
Without it, depression will lead you quickly to a dead place. 

I personally lift my depression in my daily prayer up to God.
I ask Him for healing and He comforts me with His supernatural peace. 
He loves me and YOU, never think about your pain He forgot.
In fact, God wants us from our pain to completely release.

But you and I will have to each consciously make our own decision:
Do we want to live? And do we want to live ALIVE?
Depression turned me into a half-dead zombie, I had no future vision.
And then I decided that I don’t want to simply BE. I want to live and THRIVE.

What about you? Do you know that your life is important?
Jesus sacrificed His precious life for yours.
My mind was so completely by that Narcissist-related depression distorted,
Until I decided to WANT to be free from the depression curse.

You are special, you are valuable, you matter, so stay alive.
And share your faith and this poetry with others to help ease their depression pain and possibly even save their life! 

2/7/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Sometimes, people may have depression and not be aware of it if it’s a highly-functional depression.

Eventually, it all comes down crushing, so paying attention and practicing journaling can help you catch any signs and get timely help.

Not everyone struggles with this disease. But most people do, at least at some point in their life.

There are several depression risk factors.

Depression Risk Factors

  • Personal or family history of depression
  • Major life changes, trauma, or stress
  • Certain physical illnesses and medications
  • Differences in certain chemicals in the brain
  • Trauma and overwhelm, severe stress, and hopelessness
  • Violence, neglect, abuse, and financial troubles

I endured a lot of trauma but never anything so cruel as the fake wolf-in-the-sheep-clothing deceiver Narcissist who manipulated me to eventual suicidal ideation so eloquently.

The Narcissist subjected me to abuse, financial problems, neglect, stress, trauma, and ultimate overwhelm.

Overwhelm paralyzed me with anxiety.

"Depression and Anxiety"  #PoemsFromGod

Both Anxiety and Depression are very commonly known, serious mental health problems.
Both have to deal with disruption of your brain’s ability to process information, be happy, and be present.
Depression is sadness which - by replaying your negative past - is disrupting your current mental models.
Anxiety has to do with feeling like your future has no expectations for being at all pleasant. 

Depression causes fatigue, indifference, hopelessness, and unstoppable sadness.
Anxiety causes shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, crying, and excessive fear. 
Depression is like a never-ending binge-watching Netflix madness, 
Only it’s your past life’s adversity replaying over and over on your mental screen. 

Anxiety is replaying all kinds of negative future variations you imagine possible.
Anxiety is chocking you with fear about what can in the future take place.
Anxiety causes you to believe that anything good ahead for you is impossible.
Anxiety with obsessive fear about future takes over your present headspace. 

Let me give you some real-life examples of both anxiety and depression.
I’ll share with you from my personal experience that was hard to explain at the time. 
I thought I was just consumed with a temporary marriage-related fixable obsession.
Until I found myself mentally out of balance, suicidal, and so back to normality I had to take a really hard climb. 

I got married in 2016 and my Christian husband changed into a cruel Narcissist without a warning.
He abused me with such mental cruelty techniques as Narcissistic Silent Treatment, Gaslighting, and Projection.
From anxiety he intentionally instilled in me I found myself hardly breathing and just crying out of fear every morning. 
And in addition to that, I started feeling sadness and grief from enduring his daily manipulation and rejection. 

Many months of that earthly hell with him and here I was sitting on a witness stand in our 2017 divorce jury trial. 
Both depression and anxiety were running at a really high level in my body by that time.
Depression made me into a slow-thinking, slow-speaking, unable to process simple  questions vegetable while
Anxiety had me publicly go through multiple panic attacks, unable to breathe or speak, and just publicly cry. 

The way I slowly conquered in 2018 both my anxiety and depression 
Was by focusing my mind only on my present each and every day.
I  intentionally refocused my sad-past and scary-future thoughts obsession
On God’s eternal  Promises from the Bible and I wholeheartedly started His word to obey.

I realized that I can’t fix my sad past or do anything if there’s sadness in my future.
But I have God’s vows of protection, wisdom, and peace right now to stand on. 
I realized that I can either the evil Narcissist OR my good Father God on my mental screen every day feature.
It’s up to me what mental models I choose to daily and intentionally lean on. 

Are you depressed? Or do you know someone who is?
Share this poetry with them, spread the hope, and possibly even save their life, please. 

2/9/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

I ended up completely suicidal and couldn’t even find one thing I loved about life. I now have a hashtag on social media #OneThingILoveAboutLife, which helps me remember how much I love and appreciate life just the way it is.


Before I got to the point of recovery through, I hit the rock bottom and was extremely suicidal.

It was unbearable.

Depression and Suicide

I didn’t want to live because the pain was too much.

I didn’t want to live because when I looked back, there was so much pain, and when I looked around, there was so much pain, so when I looked into the future, all I could see was more pain.

I couldn’t do it anymore.

I couldn’t deal with more pain in my own power.

"Depression and Suicide" #PoemsFromGod

Depression and suicide run closely together.
I didn’t know it, till I got caught in both and felt so under the weather.

So, one day, I did my thought download to understand my head space.
And what came out that day revealed that I was emotionally in a dangerous place. 

So, if you want to understand depression and suicide and are ready to hear that spoken word,
Get comfortable, it’s about 5 min and it’s nothing like you have ever before heard. was once created.
Why would we ever need such a website?
Because just in 2016, it stated,
43,000 Americans by suicide died.

90% of them had a psychiatric disorder.
But what about the other 10%?
Was their life so out of order?
Or was the decision as a temporary solution to problems meant? 

Did they consider that suicide is a permanent resolution?
Did they think about the other side of things?
Or was their pain so intolerable & they needed a quick solution?
The issue is that suicide no relief brings.

No relief for sure for the person doing it,
Because they're dead, meaning there's nothing to relieve.
But, worst of all, those pursuing it
Don't consider people who in them believe.

An American dies by suicide every 12.3 minutes.
1.1 Million Americans annually suicide attempt.
Has each of them simply reached their limits?
Or was it just the famous 1st-world discontent?

I'm an American who experiences suicidal thoughts daily,
Wondering why & what's the purpose of my life.
Why am I here & why am I so insanely 
Contemplating no longer being alive?

My life has been such a struggle & a very painful journey.
I am really tired & I have almost no enthusiasm.
It's been like a game, like an aimless tourney,
Where all I get is rejection, manipulation, abuse & sarcasm.

I'm so hurt but, most importantly, I'm so hopeless.
I don't see a reason to be around here at all.
There's no passion in my life, there's no closeness,
And every day I struggle to out of bed crawl.

No one ever loved me & no one loves me.
No one cares if I am alive or dead.
If I am no more tomorrow, they won't even notice,
Everyone will just move on with their own life instead.

I think it's all about the issues of mattering & making a difference,
None of which is applicable to me,
That's what's causing my lack of enthusiasm & complete indifference,
That's why every day I'm contemplating: to be or not to be.

But then I think about it over & over
And decide that maybe the purpose of living is life itself...
And then I give my brain with Biblical affirmations a makeover,
And pull out of this vicious thought cycle myself.

I focus on the fact that God Himself made me.
He created me - for whatever reason - to be.
He didn't make a mistake nor did He ever betray me.
He sent Jesus to die so I am set free.

Free from depression, anxiety & self-doubt.
Free from gossip, rejection & abandonment.
So when suicidal thoughts my mind cloud,
I focus on God's eternal commandment...

To not fear, to not worry & to not doubt,
To lean not on what I can & cannot understand,
To trust His direction, even if I don't find out
The purpose of my one life & how He everything planned.

Suicide is #10 leading cause of death in America.
What am I going to do about it?
While I don't have any issues medical,
I do need to help myself with a spiritual shift.

I love God so much, but do I actually trust Him?
This I'm asking daily, even though He never failed.
There were times I was angry at God & even cussed Him
And I just wished that my purpose & future He'd unveiled.

So, is it actually uncertainty that drives me to the thoughts of suicide?
Am I simply scared of living not knowing what's ahead?
What if to stick around & see for myself I decide?
Is it not a better solution than being dead?

By the way, I'm talking to myself. I know it.
Am I crazy? Am I normal? Who decides?
This poem is my thought download. I own it.
It clarity & understanding of myself provides.

I'm scared of my own thoughts often,
But so are others, they just don't talk about this.
Through openness & vulnerability, I know, my heart will soften,
And from the burden of these thoughts Christ will allow my release.

And that’s the end of the scary poem from 2017 that with you  I promised to share.
Feeling worthless, unloved, and hopeless drove me to a suicidal place where I just didn’t care. 

When my thoughts came out on paper like this, in a form of spoken word,
I saw clearly that it was a spiritual warfare and it was time to pick up from Ephesians 6:12-19 sword. 

I realized that depression and suicidal thoughts are clever attacks on my mind by Satan.
And I got busy transforming my mind with Biblical truth to my perception of myself straighten.

I said
I’m loved by God 
Unconditionally for eternity 
For my salvation and life His Son He sacrificed 
Nothing can take away from me 
This certainty 
i am inseparable from the love
Of Jesus Christ.

I said
I have faith in God my Father
I have faith in His great plan
I have faith that He will honor
All His promises in my lifespan.

I said
I have peace in every way
It is perfect. It is sacred
All the time my Lord is bear
And by Him my life’s directed.

I said 
I am a Princess 
A daughter of the King
Loved and accepted
Sanctified and redeemed  

If you are depressed right now, trust in Christ.
Your life is important - at His blood it was priced. 

Your life matters so much that He sacrificed His for yours.
As a precious child of God to you He refers.

You are special, you are valuable, you matter, so stay alive.
And share your faith and this poetry with others to help ease their depression pain and possibly even save their life! 

8/31/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Download the Biblical affirmations from my poem: 

There are a few things I concluded from my depression experience and the way my life had unfolded before depression collapsed me.

Ten Lessons Learned from My Suicidal Depression

  1. Feelings and emotions were never talked about growing up
  2. Trauma I endured over time in life was unprocessed
  3. Pain was covered up with my addictions to sex and alcohol
  4. Avoidance was how I dealt with my unprocessed trauma
  5. Emotions were something I opened up to in 2014
  6. Celibacy and 1:1 with Christ was what helped me grieve past pain
  7. Grief helped me enjoy my life once I processed all that sadness
  8. Abuse from the narcissistic marriage with the cruel egotist was too much to handle for me and caused a complete collapse
  9. Trauma compounded and crushed me as I expected life to rock, not suck
  10. Realization and admission to myself how painful my life has been helped me soar again and learn to love life the way it is (sometimes it rocks and sometimes it sucks but it’s worth living!)

“Sometimes life rocks and sometimes it sucks but it’s well worth living!” (click to tweet)

Anna Szabo

Today, I grieve appropriately and timely when things happen. I don’t avoid painful emotions. I am fully human and can courageously feel anything!

Life is a box of chocolate, and it’s assorted, so you never know what you’re gonna get but not every piece is sweet to your liking, I promise you, so get ready to deal with some life stuff that is painful.

Gratitude helps me stay grounded and focused on the positive during hard seasons. Also, being kind toward others really helps.

RELATED: How To Be Kind

These are the tools I will share as we move forward with our conversation and begin talking about how to deal with depression.

If you want to know about my entire journey fighting depression as the result of Narcissistic Abuse, here are articles I wrote about the topic.

Depression Treatment: How to Deal with Depression

Dealing with depression is a serious challenge.

I am not a medical professional, so I’m only sharing what I know from dealing with this disease myself.

I do not take any drugs.

I never took any medication.

I leaned on God for my healing through prayer, weeping, journaling, and immersing myself in God’s Word. I used the following tools.

How I survived my suicidal depression:

  • I admitted my depression to myself and others
  • I went to secular trauma therapy on Fridays
  • I went to Biblical counseling on Wednesdays
  • I attended two support groups at two churches
  • I leaned on my women’s small group
  • I grieved and wept and grieved and wept
  • I stopped resenting my depression and faced it
  • I wrote out “my life sucks and it sucks to be me,” which allowed me to weep and grief instead of holding my head up high while dying
  • I realized and accepted my psychomotor retardation, so I had a lot of chores undone, slept a lot, and learned how to meditate, I didn’t wash my hair because I had zero energy, it fell out and I had a bold spot, which I also accepted (my hair grew back and I’m healthy now)
  • I didn’t take showers or wash my face, it was covered in acne, and I also accepted that (my skin healed and looks amazing again now)
  • I prayed on my knees every single day and often cried myself to sleep on my knees praying; surrendering to God helped me just be
  • I stopped judging myself and started learning how to treat myself as a friend, I practiced self-compassion and took my recovery slowly, I wrote myself compassionate letters and gratitude notes
  • I accepted everything in my life: I lost my marriage, job, money, dignity, and myself, I was a totally different, insufficient, retarded person who was completely taken advantage of by the evil Narcissist, and it was ok
  • I asked for help: prayers, financial support from my church, and a break from my friends who were puzzled by my collapse (no one could imagine that I was suicidal)
  • I journaled, wrote poetry, and studied the Bible, including who I am in Christ, Spiritual Warfare, Armor of God, and God’s Promises
  • I gave myself time to just be, heal, sleep a lot, weep… and then I changed my life overnight!

Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women is recovering from depression
I decided to overcome Depression and took action

I started 100 squats, 100 abs, 100 arms, 10000 steps a day challenge, became a vegan, did multiple waterfasting challenges.

I lost 21 lb, and restored my brain functioning through concentration and memory training, as well as reading and writing.

I started speaking publicly about this disease on YouTube and at spoken word poetry events, and I gained all my super-powers back, plus some!

Today, I advocate for the healing power of self-pity.

Without self-pity, I felt like I was better than this disease, immune to it, and stronger than my circumstances.

The truth is that I am a little fragile human woman.

I can be taken advantage of and get depressed, I can even get suicidal and give up (almost), but…

Thanks to God and the life of Jesus who also felt pain, thanks to my skillful self-pity, the beautiful, genuine, painful, deep, dark, tearful sorrow about everything that happened, I can do all things through Christ!

I learned how to weep, grief, and access God’s healing powers in my human weakness.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

Genuine, painful, tearful self-pity was key to my depression recovery.

This is me after my depression.

I gained the super-powers of vulnerability!

A List Of Feelings - a Christian Blog for women by Anna Szabo
Depression unleashed my power of vulnerability

"How to Deal with Depression" #PoemsFromGod

How to deal with depression BY TAKING  action 
When action is exactly what you can’t take when you’re depressed
WAS the very mystery I was trying to solve for my OWN inaction
Because my deep sadness got  me to the point of suicidal thoughts stressed. 

The first thing I did that really helped me
Was admitting my depression and not avoiding it.
Refusing to accept I was depressed from healing kept me.
Accepting it empowered me to start intentionally every day destroying it. 

The power of the depression grip on you is its deep sadness.
It eats your brain cells quickly and makes you feel helplessness and hopelessness. 
It’s a constantly playing in your head adversity from the past madness.
It paralyzes you, isolates you from people, relationships, and openness...

How to deal with depression is a great question of hope
Asking  it shows your intentionality about getting yourself mentally to a better place.
You are in control of actions you take with depression to cope.
Sad thoughts of the past with exciting thoughts of the future you CAN replace. 

Dealing with depression requires a healthy daily routine:
Exercise, walk 10000 steps, eat healthy, and sleep till that 8th hour,
Meditate, journal, take a warm shower to feel clean,
And most importantly, take actions to intentionally your mind empower.

Every time your thoughts drift unattended into your sad past,
Refocus your mind gently on your bright future.
With your brain working its way out, depression won’t last, 
Hold your future-focused thoughts tight and with HOPE intentionally them suture. 

My own brain was turned into a vegetable by a severe depression very recently.
My thoughts ran wild - all focused on my sad past and the idea of suicide.
Then, I let myself imagine the worst vividly,
And my own self screamed out NO! I do want to be alive!

I want to be here, I want to be present, I want to make a difference!
I want to share my story and the fact that there is hope!
I am refusing to live in a zombie mental state and feel complete indifference!
I know my future’s bright, no need to read a horoscope!

I know my Father God created me on purpose!
He made me perfect in His image and He is leading my walk.
I know His infinite intelligence can help me solve whatever problems surface.
I know with Him through prayer I can always talk. 

So, here I am today: excited and mentally strong,
Recording this video for you to honestly from the bottom of my heart tell you
That there is no shame in feeling depressed, nothing with you is wrong!
I am here to empower you and to take action I want to compel you.

Do what I suggested in this video. Invest in YOU.
Have hope, trust God, lean not on your own understanding.
Practice healthy routines I shared with you.
Stop submitting to depression and start your own mind commanding.

You are special, you’re valuable, you matter, so stay healthy and live ALIVE.
And share this poetry with others to help ease their depression pain and possibly even save their life! 

2/9/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Depression Poems

In 2018, based on my personal depression experience, I wrote 15 depression poems.

I will share all of them with you here.

My 15 Depression Poems on YouTube:

  1. Depression Definition
  2. Signs of Depression
  3. Am I Depressed?
  4. Depression Symptoms
  5. What Causes Depression?
  6. Feeling Suicidal
  7. Suicide
  8. Depressed
  9. Depression and Anxiety
  10. Depression and Suicide
  11. How to Deal with Depression
  12. How to Help Someone with Depression
  13. Scriptures for Depression
  14. Natural Remedies for Depression
  15. How to Not Be Depressed

Prayers for Depression

I provided 20 prayers on my Prayer Request page for you to use. There, you can also send me your requests to lift you up in prayer.

RELATED: Submit Your Prayer Request

Prayer for God’s Guidance 

Lord, I need you!  #PoemsFromGod

Lord, I need you every hour, every moment of every day.
I need your guidance, your mercy, hold on to me tight.
I need you to never let go of me as I pray.
I need you to lead me, to renew me, to help me stay humble and kind. 

Every morning I start with my list of gratitude, God.
Every day I realize my weakness and your strength in it.
Every moment I reach out to you because I never forgot,
That I need you... Without you I've already reached my limit. 

7/23/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Prayer for God’s Love and Comfort

"I Need Your Love, God" #PoemsFromGod

I'm hurt and overwhelmed, God.
I feel weak and I need your strength.
I need your help with the very basics of life.
I can't do anything on my own anymore.

I love you more than I love anyone else. 
I want to honor you more than I want anything.
I ask for peace that passes all understanding.
I need your love to comfort me with affection. 

8/2/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Prayer for Wisdom to Trust in God’s Plan

"I Trust You With The Troubles In This World" #PoemsFromGod

You said we will have troubles in this world.
I would have sure preferred to avoid all my  trials...
But you also promised to defeat every sword,
And with no battles to fight, how could I ever feel the perfect love as your special child? 

You promised protection, you promised peace.
You asked to not lean on my own comprehension.
So, as I'm standing here, crying on my knees,
I trust you still and your perfect plan for my eternal salvation. 

3/6/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Please use the resources on this website to help you. They are all free.

Meditation for Depression

Meditation helped me to survive my suicidal depression. I began practicing meditation in December of 2016 and haven’t stopped.

The only thing was that I couldn’t find Bible-based, meaningful meditations with scriptural affirmations to help me focus on the future.

RELATED: Christian Guided Meditation

I created my own library of Biblical affirmations in the depression meditation format.

Here’s the YouTube playlist to access all my meditations for depression:

I meditate in a horizontal position when my neck and knees have solid support. Breathing is key to experiencing the benefits from depression meditation. Breathe slowly, it reduces stress and increases oxygen and blood flow in your body. If your monkey-mind wanders away, take every thought captive and bring in back to submit it to the truth of Christ, which you’ll hear in my Biblical Affirmations.

If this content is valuable, here’s a way to say thanks:

My Christian meditations are grouped into PTSD (no music in the background) and regular meditations (with background music). I run no ads on my meditations – they are completely free and have no interruptions.

Let me know if my depression meditation helps.

Scriptures for Depression

Scriptures for depression helped me not only trust God’s promises, but first of all realize who I am, whose I am, why I’m here, and who’s walking with me, even through the valley of the shadow of death.

"Scriptures for Depression" #PoemsFromGod 

Scriptures for depression are so many.
Let’s start with Psalm 34:17 for example:
“When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles” it’s saying 
In just this one verse, there is comfort ample.

And then there’s self-examining verse, like a self-interview,
Psalm 42:11 which shares with us this:
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will praise him, my Savior and my God” and it offers an optimistic view!
Even in the midst of depression we can focus on eternal bliss.

And of course, there’s one of my favorites - Romans 8:38-39.
It says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” 
I used this verse to create a Biblical affirmation to Scripture and mind tools combine.
I also created canvas wall art to promote God’s Word.

I’m loved by God unconditionally for eternity.
For my salvation and life His Son He sacrificed.
Nothing can take away from me this certainty:
I am inseparable from the love of Jesus Christ.

And the next scripture I love is Psalm 37:23-24:
“The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.”
I was anxious, depressed, and suicidal before
But now I have peace as on God’s eternal Promises I firmly stand.

I have peace in every way.
It is perfect. It is sacred.
All the time my Lord is near.
And by Him my life’s directed.

Are you currently depressed? Or do you know someone who is?
Share this poetry with them, spread the hope, and possibly even save their life, please. 

2/10/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

To help you focus on the scriptures for depression, download my FREE BOOK OF DEVOTIONALS called #52Devotionals now.

Spending time in the Word is key to healing from depression. Scriptures are alive. The Bible is the God-breathed Word. Whatever you need, He knows and will communicate to you through the Gospel.

You can create a joyful life by embracing God’s Word!

That’s one of my natural remedies for depression.

Natural Remedies for Depression

Natural remedies for depression are prayer, nutritious fresh food, uninterrupted sufficient sleep, mindful journaling, spending time in nature, getting sunbaths, having faith, exercising and protecting your mind from the garbage of the news and social media, as well as having intentional relationships with wise people who are grounded and kind.

I wrote this poem before I became vegan.

RELATED: Plant-Based Vegan Lifestyle

Today, I don’t consume any animal products.

Here’s what helped me recover from my depression.

"Natural Remedies for Depression" #PoemsFromGod

Natural remedies for helping eliminate depression
Are essential to know, use, and understand
If you don’t want to start on prescription drugs obsession 
And count on pills to simply on your 2 feet every morning stand.

The first natural remedy I found helpful for my depression is having a routine.
Depression strips away the structure from your daily life completely. 
One day melts into the next and you just stay in bed, don’t eat, you don’t clean...
So, setting a simple routine helps you get up, brush your teeth, eat, and make your bed neatly.

Exercise is the next natural remedies recommendation for depression on my list. 
It temporarily boosts in your body the feel-good chemicals called endorphins.
It clears your head and brings up your self-confidence, a little bit at least. 
It grounds you in the present moment instead of your past mistakes, sadness,  and failed performance. 

The next tip that’s been essential to my own depression healing is eat healthy.
Depressed, I suffered from binge eating, making myself with food every night sick. 
Not eating or overeating are two depression symptoms that are very unhealthy.
So, make a plan, prepare your meals, buy only healthy snacks, and to your healthy eating commitment no matter what stick. 

Sleep is next for us to talk about as that’s when your brain recharges and heals.
Depression makes it hard to sleep but lack of sleep worsens depression.
To help yourself sleep well, stop eating late-night meals.
Instead, have a bedtime routine with electronics off and a mint tea nightly session. 

To help yourself sleep better and also to generally clear your headspace,
You need to battle depression with regular meditation.
Choose to have for yourself uninterrupted quiet time in a comfortable place. 
Through peaceful mindfulness choose to  heal your mind’s with sadness agitation. 

To help yourself with sleep, I also recommend a warm bedtime shower.
Essential oils, especially lavender are on my top-ten natural remedies list.
Warm tea with mint, and ginger, and organic raw honey will reduce your depression’s power.
And if you take 10000 steps daily, you’ll not only sleep better but feel incredible, to say the least. 

Make sure to include walnuts for omega 3 fatty acids into your daily nutrition.
They not only help fight depression but offer hearth-healthy benefits as well.
Getting out of depression AND preventing your brain from relapsing is a life-long mission.
DHEA supplements and fish oil are also essential natural remedies to help you get well. 

Vitamin D, Magnesium, Iron, and Vitamin B complex are also needed.
Zinc that helps control inflammation and boosts your immune system is also essential.
NUTS, whole grains (whole oats, brown rice, pearl barley, buckwheat), dairy - to eat all I pleaded,
And with these natural remedies I experienced from my suicidal depression release eventual.

Most importantly, remember that depression is prolong sadness about the things of the past.
Confront your negative thoughts from the past with something positive you envision for yourself in the future.
If you develop a healthy routine, sleep, eat well, and rewire your brain, depression won’t last.
Make sure that on your mental always-on TV screen exciting something you intentionally feature. 

Are you currently depressed? Or do you know someone who is?
Share this poetry with them, spread the hope, and possibly even save their life, please. 

2/10/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

The only two things I’d add to the above list of natural remedies for depression are don’t eat animal products, which cause inflammation, and also commit to regular fasting to cleanse your body off of toxins.

Now, you know everything: what depression is, what causes it, how to deal with depression, and how to not be depressed.

RELATED: Encouraging Poetry

Let’s summarize and review some actionable steps you can take to protect yourself from being crushed by depression.


We discussed depression definition, causes, impact, treatment, and how to deal with depression in an acute, urgent way, as well as long-term.

To conclude our conversation, let me share with you the strategies I discovered for how to not be depressed.

How to Not Be Depressed: 7 Tips

  • Decide to focus on the FUTURE: Depression is focused on the sad past. Take every thought captive and submit it to the truth of Christ. Study, memorize, believe, and dwell on God’s promises for your future. Have hope.
  • Allow yourself to face your SADNESS: Depression is profound sadness, it won’t go away unless you face it. If you avoid facing painful feelings, they’ll compound over time and eventually destroy you, so grieve, cry, weep, and have a genuine self-pity party.
  • Practice FORGIVENESS: Depression is bondage with the past. It’s worsened by the grudges you might be holding against people who hurt you (or God), so forgiveness is key. Forgive not because of them but because of you: forgive and let go for your own sake and because Jesus asked you to.
  • Develop a healthy ROUTINE: Depression is about emotion. Emotion is created by motion. If you want to change your emotion, change your motion. Start doing hula hoop, you’ll laugh so hard AND your heart rate will go up, your whole being will be changed, and you’ll take your first steps out of the depression pit. Crawl, don’t try to run. Be consistent. eat healthily. Sleep 8 hours uninterruptedly. Limit social media scrolling. Go kayaking or hiking. Spend time with friends. And read the Bible.
  • Build genuine RELATIONSHIPS: Depression is about isolation. Be intentional about spending time with friends doing something meaningful and positive. Be vulnerable and open up, bond with your friends and experience healing.
  • Journal to process life events in WRITING: Depression is confusing and debilitating. It impacts your memory and brain function. Journaling helps you stay grounded and see your life on paper. It helps you make sense of things and review your journey. Commit to writing in your journal daily, and include gratitude there, too. Also, capture your thoughts and everyday events.
  • Have Biblical FAITH: Depression is destructive. It destroys your hope. Hope is critical to wanting to be in your own future. Without hope, you can become desperately suicidal. Hope is fueled by faith. Have faith. Trust God’s promises. Spend quite a time with Him and pray. Listen for the Holy Spirit speak to you. Cast your anxieties on God who cares and ask for divine comfort and healing. Send me your prayer requests so I can lift you up to God: use the comments section below.

You have my 7 tips for how to not be depressed. I shared many of my poems about depression with you. There were all experience-based, breathed into existence by the Holy Spirit through my personal conversations with God.

Here’s one final depression spoken word: how to not be depressed.

"How to Not Be Depressed"  #PoemsFromGod

How to not be depressed? Depression is actually way more complex than just a quick list of 5 simple tips!
I was depressed and suicidal due to Narcissistic Abuse and can tell you honestly that of energy and power depression your brain strips. 

To not be depressed you first need to understand what depression is and how one GETS depressed.
If you already know, great, so here are my 6 ways to avoid depression from personal experience confessed.

First, decide to stay committed to focusing on the future and not your sad past.
Sadness is ok to feel of course, we are humans, but don’t let sadness for too long in your mind and body last.

The second most important tip is you must whatever whoever did to you in the past  forgive.
I know you’re angry at me now for saying this but trust me, bitterness will always a red carpet to your depression give. 

So if you want to stay mentally healthy and out of depression, forgive and let go.
Confront your thoughts of intense sadness and ask is this about the past? Forgiveness is the only solution I know. 

The third tip for you is exercise, eat healthy, take vitamins, and sleep 8 hours.
A healthy routine like this will disempower depression and give your brain all its powers. 

My fourth tip for you is to have lasting, solid, meaningful relationships. 
Having wise people who also love you and invest in your growth, you can ask for support and helpful tips. 

My fifth tip for you is journal and process life events in writing to make sense of everything.
Depression is sneaky and it starts with your mind dwelling on what you can’t understand in life and boom - you’ve made into depression an unnoticed swing.

And final tip from me for you is have faith in Christ.
Remember that God loves you and for you His only Son He sacrificed.

Depression is Spiritual Warfare between the powers and forces and spirits of darkness: that is between Satan and you.
He wants to  suffocate you with sadness, and sin, and doubt, and insecurity, he wants to make you ineffective and to paralyze you. 

Say I’m loved by God 
Unconditionally for eternity 
For my salvation and life His Son He sacrificed 
Nothing can take away from me 
This certainty 
I am inseparable from the love
Of Jesus Christ.

Say I have faith in God my Father
I have faith in His great plan
I have faith that He will honor
All His promises in my lifespan.

Say I have peace in every way
It is perfect. It is sacred
All the time my Lord is bear
And by Him my life’s directed.

Say I am a Princess 
A daughter of the King
Loved and accepted
Sanctified and redeemed  

Are you depressed? Or do you know someone who is?
Share this poetry with them, spread the hope, and possibly even save their life, please. 

2/10/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

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The more you practice good habits, eat healthy, sleep intentionally, meditate, stay connected socially, and get grounded in understating and acknowledging who you are in Christ, the higher will be your chances to create a joyful life by embracing God’s Word.

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