Looking for real-life narcissistic abuse examples? The following 28 examples of Narcissistic Abuse are from my actual divorce court records in Forsyth County, GA: case 17CV-0058-2.
The narcissistic abuse examples I’m sharing here are of such mental cruelty tactics as Narcissistic Gaslighting, Narcissistic Projection, Narcissistic Discard and Silent Treatment, and other narcissistic cruelty tactics used by the Narcissist to manipulate me into a complete mental haze and severely suicidal depression in 2016- 2017. These examples of Narcissistic Abuse are a public record.
See narcissistic abuse examples in a mother-daughter relationship:
What Is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic Abuse is a relational dynamic, which implies that one person (perpetrator) manipulates another (victim) for the purpose of inducing severe and prolonged emotional suffering caused by the Narcissist’s consistent deployment of such mental cruelty techniques as Gaslighting, Projection, Silent Treatment, and Discarding, which result in victim’s complete confusion, hopelessness, and intense suicidal ideation.
RELATED: Spiritual Warfare
Narcissistic abuse is very hard to recognize at first because the Narcissist is cleaver, his manipulative techniques are well-thought-through, and he set the stage prior to attacking you by luring you into an illusion of him being a good person who is caring, loving, and thoughtful.
By preparing you through his premeditated deception, the Narcissist now has you fooled. You trust him, and you simply can’t even comprehend how someone can be so evil. Wake up: the Narcissist is evil, and I’m about to give you some examples of narcissistic abuse, which will show you his premeditated, methodical, well-planned cruelty.
The Narcissist very eloquently lured me into his premeditated deception and then cleverly manipulated me into suicidal ideation.
I dealt with two narcissists in life – my mother and my ex-husband.
Narcissistic Abuse is very serious, hard to explain, and difficult to understand. That is why I wrote over 100,000 words of detailed content on this topic, which you can access below.
READ MORE ABOUT NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
- An Open Letter To My MotherRead this open letter to my mother. It's a forgiveness decree setting my mother free from the debt she owed me and liberating me from the curse of narcissistic abuse.
- Things Narcissistic Mothers SayWitness the 48 things narcissistic mothers say. That is what I was personally told since I was five years old until I was 25. I share here the impact of these lies on me.
- Daughters of Narcissistic MothersLearn about daughters of narcissistic mothers and the trauma from narcissistic abuse. Get the answers to the 15 questions about narcissistic mother-daughter relationship.
- Narcissistic Abuse ExamplesSee a list of narcissistic abuse examples. Understand how a narcissist drives you insane on purpose. These examples of narcissistic abuse are from my divorce court record.
- Narcissistic MotherUnderstand the manipulative behavior of the Narcissistic Mother. Beware of how she's making you feel and why. Discover an antidote to her intentional abuse.
- Narcissistic Relationship AbuseHear my story of Narcissistic Relationship Abuse. As I was enduring Narcissistic marriage and suffering from depression, God drew me close and taught me who I am in Christ.
- Narcissistic Abuse RecoveryHear my story of Narcissistic Abuse recovery. Understand the Narcissist's manipulative behavior. Recover from Narcissistic Abuse Victim syndrome, move on with life.
I also created a library of other helpful resources for you:
- Videos with real-life examples of Narcissistic Abuse
- Spoken word poetry about Narcissistic Abuse cruelty
- Various Narcissistic Abuse meditations for C-PTSD
- Podcast for women with Narcissistic Abuse examples
- Who is Satan?
The reason why I dedicate so much hard work to creating Narcissistic Abuse recovery resources for you is that I didn’t want YOU to have to kill yourself as the result of the Narcissist’s cruelty. He wants you dead. That’s the goal of his Narcissistic Abuse cycle executed upon you intentionally, methodically, and very cleverly. No one believes you. That’s a part of his game plan.
He set it all up in the first phase of the Narcissistic Abuse cycle.
What Is Narcissistic Abuse Cycle?
Narcissistic Abuse Cycle consists of the following three stages: idealization, devaluation, and discarding. The three stages can repeat over and over again leading to the development of Narcissistic Abuse Victim Syndrome.
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is a condition triggered in a victim of Narcissistic Abuse after she’s lived through multiple cycles of idealization, devaluation, and discarding induced by the Narcissist. The impact is cumulative often leading to suicide. I personally know 11 women who committed suicide due to Narcissistic Abuse cruelty.
Suicide, depression, psychomotor retardation, anxiety attacks, C-PTSD – all these are the end result of what the Narcissist does to your psyche. However, the beginning of it all is perfect love, an ideal story from a fairytale dream you always had about that one special man who is capable of being your soulmate, partner for life, and a genuine friend.
Narcissistic Idealization Phase
The Narcissist did not meet you accidentally. He targeted you. He showered you with love, affection, kindness, and quality time. He was a true gentleman and treated you as his lady. He was charming and honoring, respectful and attentive. He appeared to be present, real, and mature. He connected with you emotionally. He persuaded you that what you two had was true love. His goal was to have you because having you provides Narcissistic Supply for him, but only until he sucks all your life out of you and discards you like a piece of useless trash. He has no feelings. He is an empty shell. His goal is to take you from where you are blooming, lure you to where you are used as his food, and shatter you to the point of complete deadness where you are lifeless. Then, he moves on to his next victim.
But… You have no idea of course, and you can’t either anticipate or believe any of this because you are charmed by a real-life prince who is everything you ever wanted, and you’re completely swapped off your feet. The narcissistic idealization phase looks like true love. Until he has you.
Narcissistic Devaluation Phase
Now, the Narcissist has you. You’re his. He is no longer interested in you (hint: he never actually was interested in you as a human, only as his food, aka Narcissistic Supply). I wrote about how the Narcissist makes you feel once you’re his and he begins executing his evil game plan.
You start noticing that the Narcissist speaks about you in a condescending manner and he disappears, disregards the relationship you thought you two were having (actually, it’s just you who is having this relationship, he is only viewing you as a tradable commodity, you are food to him), and he begins practicing mental cruelty on you through Gaslighting, Projection, Narcissistic Discard and Silent Treatment, Reptilian Stare, Narcissistic Delusions of multiple realities with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and other Narcissistic Abuse tactics, including Smear Campaigning (blackmailing you in order to present himself as a victim in the eyes of others).
You become completely devasted, disoriented, and disillusioned. You experience depression and feel trapped not only in his game but in your own head because you can’t believe what’s happening since there is not just one reality you live in with the Narcissist. He chooses which reality to pull you into, and you never ever know what is actually going on. He persuades you that it’s all your fault, he blames his every mistake on you, and he sets you up to believe that you are crazy and can’t trust yourself.
As a result of ongoing mental cruelty, you experience psychomotor retardation due to depression. What I’m saying is that you become retarded. I personally lost my intellectual capabilities, focus, ability to concentrate, or even hold a productive conversation without crying spells. I eventually became completely dysfunctional, and my church stepped in to pay my bills, rent, cell phone, Georgia power electric bill, car note, etc. I was called “a woman in crisis,” and trust me: I was a woman in crisis.
Narcissistic Discarding Phase
In this stage of the relationship, you are trashed. I have no other way to put it, sorry. You are confused, hopeless, lifeless, exhausted mentally, emotionally, financially, and so you can’t be his food supply anymore, so it’s time to trash you because you are now useless when it comes to serving his ego. The Narcissist discards you with cruelty. He has no feelings. It’s just a part of his process. He had done this before, and he will do it again. Don’t think you can save him, change him, rescue him from himself, take him to therapy and transform him… No, honey, you are going to trash, and he is going on. Accept it, heal your wounds, learn your lessons, and rise.
But at this phase, you can’t rise. You need to cry, weep, lie down and sleep, journal, think, pray, read good books, go to grief therapy, journal, pray, cry, weep, and in case I forgot to mention – you need to weep, pray, and rest.
Then, you will rise. Later. In a few years. Now, heal.
Here’s the truth: the Narcissist wasn’t looking for a relational partnership with you. He wanted the relationship where you could be his Narcissistic Supply and serve him on-demand praise, admiration, and compliments whenever he’d decide he needed those, which is typically 24/7, otherwise his Ego can’t survive.
Other than giving the Narcissist his Narcissistic Supply, you have no purpose to exist. You never had any value to him but to be his food.
Nothing about you interests him. He is empty and has no feelings, so he doesn’t understand or care about your feelings or needs. It’s all about him. he used you. He now trashes you. That’s all there is to it. Accept it, be broken for a while, heal, rise. You will heal, so don’t kill yourself. You will heal, you will be renewed, you will be restored, and you will be stronger than ever. Be broken, be in pain, just be.
The main thing during the Narcissistic Discarding phase is for you to be. I know you don’t want to, I know you’d rather die. Hold on, please, it’s not over yet. There’s a future for you, I know you can’t see it and you don’t want to be there, in your future because your present is so freaking painful, you can’t breathe. I know. But it won’t be this way forever. Healing is coming, so hold on to your next breath, and just be here tomorrow.
What Are Narcissistic Abuse Tactics?
The Narcissist has a goal – to slowly suck the life out of you and force you to commit suicide. He intentionally drives you nuts so that you can believe that you are crazy and that his mistakes are your fault.
You can’t believe this because you love him blindly and want to think that he actually doesn’t realize the harm he’s causing you. You love the Narcissist because of the kind of an amazing man he presented himself to be early own in your relationship when he was working overtime to deceive you and lure you into his premeditated deception, to trap you and make you his Narcissistic Supply on demand. That was a mask.
The Narcissist is empty and cruel. He is pure Ego.
The narcissist uses gaslighting, projection, narcissistic discard and silent treatment, and many other narcissistic abuse tactics to manipulate you into craziness, hopelessness, despair, and suicide.
I am about to share with you just some of the examples of Narcissistic Abuse inflicted on me. Let me first define Narcissistic Abuse tactics for you.
Narcissistic Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic utilized to distort and erode a victim’s sense of reality; it eats away at her ability to trust herself and inevitably disables her from feeling justified in calling out abuse and mistreatment.
Narcissistic Gaslighting is leveraged to make you doubt everything, including the fact of the abuse you can eventually recognize. When it comes to Narcissistic Gaslighting, it is difficult to pinpoint and identify right away.
Emotional, mental, and spiritual damage of Narcissistic Gaslighting is enormous. When the Narcissistic Victim is exposed to it for an extended period of time, she begins to lose her sense of self, sanity, and dignity.
Over time, so much damage has been done, by the time you can recognize and explain gaslighting you’ve been enduring, you’ve already been rendered by the Narcissist as mentally-incompetent and insane.
Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility of one’s negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else. It ultimately acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability:
Narcissistic Projection is a mental manipulation technique that’s hard to spot, recognize, and explain. Projection is a defense mechanism used to displace responsibility for one’s negative behavior and traits by attributing them to someone else.
It ultimately acts as a digression that avoids ownership and accountability. The Narcissist is perfect, and you are terrible. That’s his main belief. He manipulates the truth in every situation in such a way that you believe that his faults are yours, and so you feel guilty for his faults.
Narcissistic Verbal Trickery
The Narcissist wants to confuse you and keep you in a state of mental haze. He wants to force you to feel insane. The Narcissist’s goal is to get you to doubt absolutely everything, including your own reality. Sometimes, you wake up to Dr. Jekyll. Other times, you wake up to Mr. Hyde.
Whatever he does, when confronted, he says: “I didn’t mean it,” “I was only joking,” “You’re putting the words into my mouth,” “Stop assuming, I didn’t say this and I didn’t do that” etc.
He uses Narcissistic Verbal Trickery to continuously manipulate you into hopeless confusion, to gaslight you, and to make you feel guilty for his faults through eloquent Narcissistic Projection.
Also, he mumbles instead of actually speaking. Mumbling out word salads is the Narcissist’s manipulation tactic to avoid accountability and to keep persuading you that you’re making things up. The Narcissist literally mumbled a word salad in our divorce jury trial, changed his testimony, and was not even confronted. One day, when I can pay $3250 for the court transcript, I will purchase it and publish it for you to read and learn from because it was a true piece of Narcissistic Word Salad art.
Following the narcissit’s word salad is like finding your way out of a maze. It is recognisable through circular conversations and repetition, lack of logic, sweeping generalisations, use of words that are disjointed or unrelated to the context of the conversation, and imply contradictions.
Essentially, it consists of a lack of semantic fluidity.NarcWise.com
That was literally my ex-husband’s speaking style, unless he was masked up to deceive someone (then he would communicate well to trick people).
I remember one of our divorce trial witnesses spoke on this topic. She witnessed first-hand how his mumbling was disjointed and made no sense and how he used it for manipulation. That was how he communicated most of the time with me after our wedding. Before our wedding, he made sense, was speaking with an effort, communicated solid ideas using full sentences, and appeared to be mentally fine.
Narcissistic Delusions of Multiple Realities
As the Narcissistic victim, you are trapped in multiple realities with the Narcissist and are confused from his Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behavior.
You love the Narcissist and experience mental fog and illusions about loving him better and more. You hope to fix everything. You hope the Narcissist will change. You believe you can change him and make things the way they were when you were in the deceiving phase of Narcissistic Idealization. It was a setup, and being constantly pulled into multiple realities by the Narc, you never know who is there: Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.
The victim of Narcissistic Abuse often refuses to admit what she had witnessed over and over again: the Narcissist she loves never had a conscience or human feelings.
Besides, he willfully and intentionally sought to drain the life out of her heart, mind, and soul using common mental cruelty tactics, such as Narcissistic Gaslighting, Narcissistic Projection, Narcissistic Silent Treatment, etc. While married to the Narcissist, I was diagnosed with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).
The video above is just a short preview into my real life in a marriage with the Narcissist. It was completely insane, unexplainable, and incomprehensible what that man did. And it was unbelievable, too.
That was the starting point of my own confusion: my wedding was with Dr. Jekyl but I ended up in a honeymoon suite with Mr. Hyde. The man I married was not the one I ended up being married to, and I couldn’t understand, believe, or process this for a long time. I became depressed and suicidal from all the abuse and pain imposed on me by the Narcissist. I was broken, and my psyche was shattered into microscopic pieces. I was not sure who I was, who he was, what our marriage even was, whom I was married to, or even if I was married at all… It was a total haze.
Then, I was trashed into the garbage as soon as I was no longer serving the Narcissist’s Ego with food, such as praise, admiration, and compliments. When I became disillusioned, the Narcissistic Discard Cruelty and Silent Treatment began and continued until I was fully trashed and lifeless.
Narcissistic Discard Cruelty and Silent Treatment
The Narcissist has a lot of pain from his childhood. He always avoided it and never dealt with it. If you bring it to his attention, you are dead to him. He will never admit his childhood trauma to anyone, especially to himself, because that would require genuine feelings and vulnerability.
The Narc is incapable of genuine vulnerability but he’s good at putting on a show whenever needed. If he practices how to cry, he can easily do it for the masquerade purposes to get attention, which is the food supply to his Ego. The Narcissist is good at pretending, and he’s a great actor.
Because he never invested the time and effort required to grieve his childhood trauma and never experienced genuine sadness, he’s filled with unprocessed anger and rage. Narcissistic rage is expressed by the Narc as regular irate explosions and as Narcissistic Silent Treatment.
Narcissistic Silent Treatment is the Narcissist’s childish way to deal with the conflict between the two of you. The Narcissistic rage he’s expressing toward you through Silent Treatment is the deeply-rooted anger from his childhood trauma, which went unprocessed for decades and is now showing up in your relationship. He’s a little boy who never learned how to communicate effectively in productive adult-like ways.
To punish you and to manipulate you into agreeing with his point of view, he gives you Narcissistic Silent Treatment. He ignores you to punish you so you submit to his manipulative ways. It’s because the Narcissist never matured into an adult male. He is a never grown-up little boy stuck in his childhood where he initially learned to puff up his Ego to survive the trauma he was experiencing as a child.
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What Are Narcissistic Abuse Examples?
These were submitted to my divorce jury. Forsyth County court documents are public records. You can access them by providing the following case numbers for the two divorces Michel filed in our first few months of marriage:
- Michel Szabo vs Anna Szabo 16CV-1802-2
- Michel Szabo vs Anna Szabo 17CV-0058-2
The following are the excerpts from my divorce court submissions.
I’m just going to copy and paste so that you can see some narcissistic abuse examples from my real life.
Narcissistic Cruel Treatment Examples
- Ongoing explosive anger outbursts: some memorable instances are 5/21/16 The Sex Talk about My Fear of Michel [IR Exhibit 41], 7/16/16 Michel’s birthday Party, 8/31/16 the Money Talk, 11/27/17 Driving Back from AL, 12/5/16 The Rage Explosion after which I Left for 2 Weeks to Stay with Fran, 1/1/17 The How Can I Get Rid of You Explosion when Michel Demanded I Leave, causing emotional distress, confusion, fear, and anxiety, especially from knowing Michel was intentionally hurting me “because of ego”, according to his email to me where he admitted it [IR Exhibit 28 and IR Exhibit 44].
- Threats of violence: verbally threatening me that he’ll do something bad to me like he did to his sister (June 2016) [IR Exhibit 29]. Threatening me again saying he was not in his right mind and if he were me, he’d leave, resulting in emotional distress, fear, and anxiety (September 22, 2016) [IR Exhibit 30].
- Stalking: putting a ladder outside my bathroom window to look in and when I asked to remove, he laughed and never removed until next-door neighbor Jerry approached me with shock asking why the ladder was there to look into my bathroom window and he removed it. This incident resulted in severe emotional distress, fears of stalking, and feeling that I am under 24/7 surveillance (September 2016).
- Withholding sex: intentionally withholding sex [IR Exhibit 44 and IR Exhibit 47], knowing how much it hurt me because we only had sex 10 times in 4 months of marriage, saying he was saving energy for IronMan, consistently telling me: “I need my energy for my training” verbally and texting me sex refusals “No, I have training” [IR Exhibit 29 and IR Exhibit 31], causing confusion as to why I was traded in for a bicycle, depression, and self-doubt.
- Exposing me to danger: Michel gave strangers the code to enter our house when I slept there alone, naked, unarmed, and uninformed, without even informing me (September 22, 2016, according to Wayne, the general contractor, who appeared in the house with his own access code, while his whole team does meth and Michel knows it).
- Cutting off my access to NEST: at 94F outside (September 22, 2016) [IR Exhibit 32], Michel cut off my access to our home air conditioning by installing a protective passcode, which prevented me from using AC. He did not allow me to use AC (January 18, 2017) [IR Exhibit 18]. He did not allow me to use heat in the house: having heat set in NEST at low temperature at night 10/26/16 at 56F, 10/2716 at 56F, 11/17/16 at 61F, 11/28/16 at 51F, just some examples, resulting in my waking up cold, coughing, and having to beg Michel for heat in the winter [IR Exhibit 32].
Narcissistic Delusions Examples
- Leaving me in the middle of unfinished construction for months knowing I needed a settled home and a nest as a woman and as I always had (unfinished construction as of this writing in February 2017), but telling me and everyone that the house is finished and that I am ungrateful. The house left with unfinished floors, walls, doors, electric outlets, etc., all while in Michel’s opinion the under-construction house is done and finished.
- Overspending, overdrafting checking account (USAA) or leaving it with zero in August of 2016 [IR Exhibit 9 and IR Exhibit 31], preventing me from being able to buy food and gas while I drove 100 miles to work daily.
- Forsaking or refusing to attend to his household duties: to mow the lawn and other heavy-lifting labor I’m unable to perform due to my injuries, forcing me to do that labor and aggravate my back injuries by mowing the lawn [IR Exhibit 33]. Outsourcing me as his wife to the next-door neighbor Jerry daily, having Jerry do all the household chores 1:1 with me, which I expressed to Michel was inappropriate.
- Being absent from the marriage: rejecting affection [IR Exhibit 47], companionship, refusing to be with me or talk or humanly interact with me, being gone and dedicating all his time away from work to IronMan activities 60+ hours a week, causing me to feel rejected, abandoned, unworthy, confused, disoriented, depressed, hopeless, and pained [IR Exhibits 13-18, IR Exhibit 22-25, IR Exhibit 29, and IR Exhibit 40] after moving into the marital residence at Adair Park in Cumming, GA from the city and being abandoned in the country.
- Intentionally refusing to communicate in reasonable ways: Michel refused to communicate with me as his spouse since August 31, 2016 through November 23, 2016 and then December 6, 2016 till present time (March 2017), six months out of 10 months of marriage [IR Exhibits 13-18, IR Exhibit 20, IR Exhibit 22-25, IR Exhibit 27, and IR Exhibit 29].
- Ignoring or avoiding intentionally my household / money / time related questions: not making himself available for those conversations, except one time when we sat down to create Managing God’s Money spreadsheet [IR Exhibit 35], he asked me to do it, when I was ready to talk, I moved my laptop and Michel was asleep. Because the topic was never appropriately addressed since he never made himself available, he caused me to beg him consistently to sit down and talk about these topics, which caused ongoing emotional suffering and depression, as well as financial suffering [IR Exhibits 13-18, IR Exhibit 29] as he demanded for me to deposit my entire paycheck to his bank, then he’d spend it.
- Taking advantage of me sexually in my sleep: getting into my bedroom on October 5, 2016 at 3 am AFTER he had filed for divorce and while I’m sleepy, taking advantage of me sexually after I told him in writing that we will not have sex because he is getting a divorce and he must stop walking around the house naked with his erection on in front of me, while talking to me with his erection on, which caused psychological suffering impairing my mental health [IR Exhibit 27 and IR Exhibit 34].
- Calling his bike “My other wife I cheat on you with” to my face when visiting me at Emory for lunch [IR Exhibit 29 and IR Exhibit 34], causing pain, confusion as to why I was traded in for a bicycle and why he is laughing while I’m so hurt, which only demonstrated the intentionality of his emotional abuse, resulting in depression and anxiety.
Narcissistic Gaslighting Examples
- Doing the opposite of what is said to induce doubt and force the feelings of insanity: Texting me 8/3/16 “At what time are you leaving work?” and going into the discussion of his wondering what to cook. He said he wanted to make me dinner to “honor” me. It was just another time when Michel used big phrases, such as “I want to honor you”, “I want to sacrifice myself for my wife as Christ loved the church” [IR Exhibit 36], etc, which made me feel so confused because the reality was that Michel was dishonoring me daily and dishonoring his marriage too, but, listening to him [IR Exhibit 31], and how genuinely he always made those big statements, I did not know what reality to believe in my own mind: the one I was living, which was awful, or the one Michel was painting with his words, which was so sweet and luring. I felt disoriented because of such a mismatch between his nice words and betraying actions.
- Pretending to be kind while practicing abuse at the same time with the goal of rendering me crazy: Getting me a tea kettle 11/7/16 – act of kindness, but when I went upstairs and thanked him, he shot the door in my face – abuse, which caused me to doubt myself and my understanding of reality. Buying me two bottles of Kefir 11/16/16 – act of kindness, yet stonewalling me at the same time at home – silent passive-aggressive abuse, leading me to feel confused, anxious, and depressed, doubting my sanity. Telling me how he did not want to cancel my gym membership at his expensive gym and insisting that he loves going there with me [IR Exhibit 31], but in reality, we only went there four times in our entire marriage together and when Michel saw me at the gym and I wanted to hug him, he pushed me away in public causing complete confusion and doubt about our reality, relationship, or what was actually true since his words and actions did not match. Telling me and texting me that I was his priority, not IronMan when in reality he spent two hours maximum interacting with me each week while he spent four hours every day training for IronMan, every Saturday he was gone from 4 am till about 2 pm and then would go to bed, except two times when he cooked [IR Exhibit 21-22, IR Exhibit 40, and IR Exhibit 46].
- Mocking my need for safety to make me feel insecure and insane: disappearing from the house [IR Exhibit 20], leaving me alone at night, and when I would lock the garage door hoping no one can open it from the outside, he’d open it and then lock it in my face and open easily showing me that I was not safe and it was not a big deal to open the locked door, mocking me cruelly, causing me to feel unsafe and never be able to relax in my bedroom, remembering how on 10/5/16 he took advantage of me sexually in my sleep and knowing that he was easily opening the locked door with the same lock, causing me to feel fear and anxiety at all times.
- Setting up circumstances intentionally to hurt me and cause emotional pain: calling me on my cell to talk, while typing on his computer, which I could hear, and when asked if he was typing while calling me, he’d become defensive and yell “How about you cut me some slack?!”, persuading me and labeling me “high-maintenance,” which would always leave me feeling confused and doubting reality since he’d say he wanted to talk to his wife yet would multitask and do work at the same time, causing me to feel worthless as if I am not worthy of his attention, thinking why would he call when busy in the first place, which was confusing and hurtful, of which he’d then blame me.
- Demanding me to deposit my salary to the joint account and spending my entire paycheck leaving me with no money for food, while keeping cash in his wallet and having his separate money, pretending that it was my fault that he spent my money, and blaming his spending on my inadequate money-management skills: On 8/8/16 I prepared separate lunches for both Michel and me, as always. Michel’s diet is different from mine. When I was ready to take my food to work, he was already gone and he took my food as I just then realized, so I had nothing to take with me. I texted him about it. I went to get food at lunch and could not pay for it. It said my debit card didn’t have any money. I logged into our checking account and there was zero there. I texted Michel that we needed to talk. Michel texted me that after he bought his new phone he did not even have access to the bank account. I was shocked, just realizing the money was overspent because Michel did not even bother to monitor his own bank account. I was speechless. And he texted me: “The first job I gave you was the money”….. I felt like I could not breathe… I could not believe my eyes: he was condemning me for his overspending money while he was not even monitoring his spending in any way and he was clearly saying it was my fault and I failed…. I was so confused. He made me feel responsible for his overspending, responsible for him never reading the budget he asked me to create, just saying “Yes, I approve” and then never following the budget. I was confused, doubting my sanity [IR Exhibit 31].
Narcissistic Projection Examples
- Blaming his own financial decisions on me: taking on a home improvement loan on 2/19/2016 at SunTrust to remodel the house “because David McNelly told” him it was his obligation (so Michel told me, Ruth and Norm during our premarital counseling at perimeter Church), yet throughout marriage always texting me victim-like statements, such as “the debt I took on at no will of my own” as if his decision to take on debt was my fault or became my fault somehow [IR Exhibit 31 and IR Exhibit 37].
- Setting up deceitful circumstances with cruel intentions of creating problems, then blaming me for his faults: making me beg him for months to set up a gym for me to workout at home as we had agreed before we got married, because that’s what I’d always done, dismissing my questions if he could help me set up my home gym, avoiding the topic, and when the next-door neighbor Jerry decided to help me with the home gym (Jerry is color blind), Michel texted him to paint the room with primer instead of paint, which I did not know that Michel set it up, so I texted him in shock that the room was painted with primer saying I was “so so so sorry” and he texted me back as if he was very gracious “It’s ok” insisting later that I repaint the room pretending it was my fault though he actually set it up out of his cruel intentions.
- Avoiding responsibility for important decisions but cleverly acting as if he actually tried to make those decisions and taking responsibility: Asking me in his text messages if I wanted him to quit IronMan, which he knew I’d never ask of him because it was his life and his prioritization responsibility, but he knew by asking he made it seem as if I was his priority and he was willing to sacrifice, but in reality, he abandoned his marriage and he sacrificed his marriage for IronMan every day [Exhibit 31].
- Manipulating technology to appear to be dysfunctional all while actually setting it up to be dysfunctional in order to cause trouble, conflict, confusion, and quarrels: setting NEST heating to 56F consistently in the winter, making me wakeup coughing [IR Exhibit 32], yet texting me declaring he had nothing to do with it, making me feel like NEST did it by itself and Michel wasn’t responsible, though he had settings locked with a password.
- Pretending as doing common-sense household chores was actually my endless demand on him and then calling me “high-maintenance” persuading me that I owed him for his ‘work:” asking me on 8/3/16 via text messages if he needed to clean the sides of the fireplace he was working on to restore after the remodeling [Exhibit 31], which was interesting… I thought: why would you only do some part of the job and not all the job, especially when it’s your own home? And this became a pattern – Michel would ask every little thing that needed to be fixed “Do I need to fix it?” so it always looked as if I were overwhelming him with requests, when in reality cleaning a fireplace meant cleaning a fireplace and not a part of a fireplace. It was one request, not several requests. Actually I should not have even made any such requests since it was Michel’s home and cleaning his own fireplace is not a favor to me, but Michel never did anything around the house, unless I begged him and he’d always make me feel at fault for asking him and as if I owed him for doing his chores.
Narcissistic Abuse Multiple Realities Examples
- Lying about his intentions to create an impression of multiple realities: telling me in-person and via text, including during marriage counseling at Mourning Dove, that 2016 was the last year of his IronMan competition participation [IR Exhibit 40], as he also promised during premarital counseling, then saying to Joe and Sheila during our sushi dinner on 8/12/16 how he planned his IronMan participation beyond 2016 [IR Exhibits 21-22, IR Exhibit 29, IR Exhibit 31, and IR Exhibit 46].
- Lying to lure me into marriage, then abandoning it instantly as marriage never happened: texting me then in September “You knew I was an IronMan and now you want to change who I am” and then telling me on October 5th, 2016 “Sorry, I’m just not interested in this marriage, all I want is to be an IronMan”, which was so confusing, making me feel like I was crazy, I was doubting my reality because in the reality I lived in Michel promised before we got married that the 2016 IronMan season was his last one, but in reality, Michel was presenting in our marriage, the future IronMan participation was a done deal, I just was unsure who and how and when decided that, but my lack of awareness that the future IronMan was a given seemed to make Michel very angry. I was confused and I was depressed and paralyzed by anxiety as I was unsure what was my reality anymore and Michel was switching his personalities faster than I could keep up with his multiple realities [IR Exhibit 25 and IR Exhibit 29].
Narcissistic Silent Treatment Examples
- Silent abuse: starting in August 2016, ignoring me, except when convenient for him to talk, only about what he wanted to talk, gone for weeks without talking, even when I was trying to engage him about marriage responsibilities, he’d avoid me and just ignore me, remaining silent until some day he’d decide to talk about what he needed, then go silent again [IR Exhibits 13-18, IR Exhibit 22-25, IR Exhibit 29], causing hurt, anxiety, confusion, and depression.
Narcissistic Discard Cruelty Examples
- Abandonment: abandoned me in the country house at Adair Park in Cumming, GA, after my entire life spent in the city, leaving me there alone for many days and nights in a row, with no security, alarm system, no blinds, with glass door where neighbors look inside the house from the street [IR Exhibit 20].
I hope these real-life examples of Narcissistic Abuse help you reflect on your own situation and realize what is being done to you, how you are being manipulated into believing that you are crazy and mentally incompetent, that you can’t be trusted, and that you are ultimately worthless and useless, which is the Narc’s very intention to prove.
How To Recognize Narcissistic Abuse
- He love-bombed you fast, he swept you off your feet during Narcissistic Idealization Phase
- He switches his behavior from Dr. Dekyl to Mr. Hyde often, pulling you into multiple realities with his Narcissistic Delusions
- He projects his faults on you to avoid responsibility and accountability, with the goal of having you feel guilty for his own wrongdoings – through Narcissistic Projection
- He gaslights you to render you mentally incompetent, he persuades you and others – using Narcissistic Gaslighting – that you are insane
- He gives you Silent Treatment every time you disagree with him, with the goal of showing you how worthless and useless you are to him
- He flips out and rages like a two-year-old with a temper tantrum, and the goal of his Narcissistic Rage is to devastate and confuse you
- He uses Narcissistic Devaluation to manipulate you into feeling worthless and degraded
- He practices Narcissistic Discarding to make you feel like a tradable commodity in order to dehumanize you and force you into depression and suicide
- He makes you feel confused, exhausted, crazy, and doubtful
- He forces you into hopelessness, depression, and suicidal ideation
Frequently Asked Questions about Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome Symptoms
Shame and guilt
Disgust with self
Atypical avoidance of places, events, or people
Loss of interest in favorite activities
Experiencing the sense of a limited future
Sleeping and eating difficulties
Distorted sense of blame related to trauma
Sense of detachment or isolation from other people
Hyper-vigilance, irritability, being easily startled
Suicidal ideation due to feeling trapped
Narcissistic Personality Traits
The narcissistic tendency is cruelty and a genuine desire to cause you prolonged suffering. The Narcissist has no remorse because he is completely feelingless, so he is incapable of feeling empathy or compassion toward you. These traits can express themselves in two primary ways: grandiose or vulnerable narcissism. Grandiose narcissists are often extroverted, attention-seeking, and power-hungry. They have a strong sense of entitlement and believe that they are superior to others. This is called overt narcissism. Anger here is expressed openly. Arrogance, superficial charm, and excessive optimism are common. Vulnerable narcissists often develop an inflated sense of self as a way of “overcompensating for low self-esteem and a deep-seated sense of shame.” They tend to be emotionally sensitive, cold, distant, withdrawn, and easily threatened by rejection and criticism. Their anger is hidden and internalized. This is called covert narcissism. Common for both types are self-centeredness, extreme need for admiration, low agreeableness, mental cruelty, and lack of remorse.
The Narcissist endured childhood trauma, with which he never dealt, so he is carrying all his unprocessed emotions from all those years, and he flips out on you constantly. He goes from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a split on a nano-second, and then pretends like nothing ever happened. In addition to his anger outbursts, he also expresses his rage through Narcissistic Silent Treatment, like a child with a temper tantrum. He uses Silent abuse to punish you for not worshipping the grounds walks on. How dare you?
Yes, the Narcissist plays the victim, always. All his problems are your fault. You are evil, and he is a saint. You are the cause of all his wrongdoings. You are the villain, and he is the victim.
How to Deal with The Narcissist: a 15-Step Plan
Remove Yourself from The Narcissist Physically
The Narcissist will not change, he won’t stop gaslighting you to make you feel crazy, projecting his faults on you to force you to accept his responsibility, and treating you with silent abuse. His mental cruelty will not stop. Get out to a place where you can breathe, be at peace, think clearly, and heal from all the damage he has caused.
Go No-Contact to Protect Yourself Mentally
The Narcissist wants you dead, that’s his ultimate goal with you. He will be harassing you until you give up on life. So, go no contact and commit yourself to healing, not hoping that he’ll change. You matter. Your life matters. No contact with the Narcissist is the only way to heal.
Commit to Narcissistic Abuse Therapy
The Narcissist has done a lot of damage to your psyche, brain, mind, soul, spirit, and body. You need help, that’s why I recommend seeing a trauma counselor. Narcissistic Abuse therapy will help you understand what happened to you and heal so you can move on with life.
Deal with Your Depression Immediately
The Narcissist aimed at luring you into his premeditated deception through love-bombing, abusing you through mental cruelty, and forcing you to commit suicide through depression and hopelessness imposed on you by his eloquently-calculated manipulative actions. That’s why dealing with your depression is a must. It’s an urgent priority, so don’t dismiss it. Admit the struggle and get help.
Get Help for Your Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and PTSD
The Narcissist exposed you to a lot of unimaginable trauma, so fear, panic attacks, and PTSD are all the result of his mental cruelty. You need to seek adequate help from a professional who is equipped to diagnose you and lead you through your healing journey.
Understand Your True Identity and Get Grounded
The Narcissist wants you confused and filled with doubt about who you are and what the reality is since he pulls you in and out multiple realities. The Narcissist tries to alter your identity. Get grounded in what God says about you and who you are in Christ. Find out 52 amazing things God says about you.
Discover and Write Out Your Purpose for Living
The Narcissist wants you to see all people as deceivers and all future as hopeless. He turns people against you and plants in your mind the seed of doubt about your friends and supporters. He is the thief who comes to steal and kill and destroy. He wants you to hate life and give up on living. You must dig deep and pull out of your soul your own purpose for living life. You must write out your WHY and memorize it, frame it, carry it with you, look at it, and have hope for a better future.
Create a Self-Care Plan and Practice Good Habits
The Narcissist wants you destroyed. The best antidote to Narcissistic Abuse is self-care: read, meditate, breathe, take a bath, cook nutritious healthy meals and eat regularly, drink water, work out, walk outside, be creative, take naps, and spent quality time with God in prayer.
Protect Your Mind from Mental Garbage
The Narcissist inflicted much pain on you. Your mind is filled with doubt, fear, and hopelessness. Stand firm and alert at the gate of your mind. Don’t binge-watch Netflix or scroll through social media aimlessly to avoid life. Read the Bible, immerse yourself into God’s promises, practice mindfulness, memorize Biblical affirmations I shared in my #52Devotionals book, nurture your mind with Bible-based truth about who you are, pray every morning, talk to people who understand and support you, listen to the hopeful worshipping songs, read books that help you, and avoid mental garbage.
Journal about Your Journey
The Narcissist worked overtime to pull you in an out multiple realities. You witnessed Dr. Jackyl transform into Mr. Hyde in a matter of seconds many times. It’s hard to understand what’s happening. Writing about your life, feelings, thoughts, and breakthroughs will help you heal. Keep a journal and commit to daily entries.
Trust God’s Plan and Surrender Your Pain
The Narcissist comes into your life to steal, kill, and destroy. Yet, when Satan wanted to tempt Job, he had to go to God and ask for His permission. God allowed this adversity because you can handle this, so stay hopeful and future-oriented. Pray on your knees, surrender your pain to God, ask Him to lead you and guide you and to heal your broken heart. Reach out to God and surrender.
Stand Firmly on God’s 3573 Promises
The Narcissist manipulates you mentally so you lose hope and desire to live. But God gave you 3573 promises, so stand firm on the promises of healing, purpose, prosperity, restoration, unconditional love, peace, and joy. Journal about God’s promises fulfilled in your life so that you can see for yourself that God never failed you and He will not start now.
The Narcissist worked really hard to manipulate your mind into total haze, chaos, confusion, and intimidation. He wants you paralyzed by fear so you can’t live. Gratitude is the antidote to fear. Practice daily gratitude to be courageous and persevere with divine fortitude. God blessed you with many blessings – count them all daily to stay grounded.
Pray for the Narcissist’s Deliverance and Salvation
The Narcissist has harmed you. If you read this full article, you understand what happened to the Narcissist as a little boy. He’s extremely traumatized and scared to face his childhood trauma. That’s why he is the way he is and that’s all he knows. Still, I don’t want my abuser to burn in hell for eternity. Do you? I pray for the Narcissist’s deliverance and salvation on a regular basis and I invite you to pray, too. Ask God to save the cruel Narcissist from himself, his own harm, the suffering he inflicts not only on others but firstly on himself. Ask God to deliver the Narcissist from his childhood trauma, fear of painful feelings, his lack of conscience, and his heart of stone. Pray that God gives the Narcissist a heart of flesh and that He saves him by helping the Narcissist meet Jesus and experience divine healing. Pray for the Narcissist.
Forgive the Narcissist to Set Yourself Free from His Bondage
The Narcissist harmed you severely. He hurt you. He inflicted pain on you. He damaged you physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, sexually, and in all aspects of your being. The Narcissist is cruel, evil, and dangerous. He has done you wrong. Yet, you must forgive the Narcissist. Forgive him not because of him but because of Jesus.
Enjoy My Christian Guided Meditation Collection
No. The Narcissist is perfect in his own eyes. You are the one with issues, and all his faults are yours, accourding to him. You are the cause of all his mistakes and wrongdoings. He is innocent, always.
The Narcissist has shame but he doesn’t feel it because he avoids feelings. He has no real Self. He is an empty shell. He is incapable of feelings. But he does have shame, which is the very foundation of his Narcissistic personality. To avoid feeling his shame, he acts out. Not feeling his shame doesn’t rid him of shame, of course, so he still has shame but he will never admit it. The Narc is very scared of feelings. Unless, of course, he is acting, and if showing feelings is a part of his game plan, he can observe feelings from others and then act them out in his setup. Yet, those acted out feelings are not something the Narc actually feels. They are a masquerade, not real human feelings that are actually felt by him. Read The Narcissist Lacks Conscience about his capabilities when it comes to experiencing real feelings.
The Narcissist has an “avoidant” attachment style.
No. The Narcissist can’t change because any change would require him to acknowledge that he has issues and seek help, which assumes vulnerability. Vulnerability is what the Narcissist doesn’t have, so he believes he’s perfect, which is why he can’t seek help: nothing is wrong with him to begin with, according to him. Do not confuse this with when the Narc pretends to be vulnerable or pretends to cry – it’s a game plan, and if he does that, there’s an agenda. It’s not real.
Narcissism forms early in childhood. Genetics contributes to about 46-64% and the environment is responsible for about 36-54% of the narcissistic behavioral makeup. The Narcissist lives in a make-believe Ego-puffing reality, which he built for himself to survive life without having a Real Self. The reason why the Narcissist has no Real Self is because of his childhood trauma, which resulted from his primary caregiver’s inability to properly bond with the Narcissist as a little boy.
Because of that childhood trauma, the Narcissist feels fundamentally unlovable, which leads to deep shame and self-hatred. The Narcissist can’t face the emotional pain, shame, and self-hatred, which resulted from his childhood trauma, so he wears a mask, a persona, which is his Ego-Self. The Narcissist’s identity is rooted in attention, compliments, admiration, and praise, which all feed his Ego-Self allowing the Narcissist to survive life without having a Real Self.
Without praise, admiration, and compliments, the Narcissist can’t survive because he would feel non-existent. He would feel non-existent because he doesn’t know himself and doesn’t face himself as a human being, he only perceives himself based on others’ compliments and admiration, which serve as his Narcissistic Supply.
What Psychology Today Says
According to Psychology Today, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a byproduct of certain childhood family environments. All children want their parents’ approval and attention. Children adapt to their homes, and often the most productive and reasonable adaptation to some home situations is to become the Narcissist. Narcissism forms in childhood.
What the Bible Says
I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. Romans 16:17-19
For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble. Proverbs 4:16
What the Attachment Theory Say
The Narcissist has an “avoidant” attachment style and most people who are strongly affected by the Narcissist are of the “anxious” attachment style. Those who have high anxiety responses to the Narcissistic Devaluing and Discarding are likely experiencing a triggering of attachment anxieties, and once those anxieties are triggered, it can take a long time to calm down completely. Avoidants are not comfortable with too much closeness so their relational dynamic is to push their significant other away to create a “safe” emotional distance for themselves. That’s the only way for the Narcissist to survive since he has no empathy or vulnerability, so you and I with our relational closeness spook the Narcissist, since he’s scared that his Real Self will be revealed and then he could be found out and exposed. The Narcissist avoids closeness at all costs.
The examples of Narcissistic Abuse shared in this article are from the court records of my actual divorce jury trial with the Narcissist: case 17CV-0058-2 in Forsyth County, GA. It is a public record, which you can access at any time. To survive all the cruelty I was exposed to, I followed a 15-step plan to overcoming narcissistic abuse and restoring the lost sanity and dignity.
The Narcissistic Abuse examples shared in this blog and in my divorce jury trial represent only a small portion of the cruelty imposed on me. The Narcissist is clever, his abuse tactics are well-thought-through, and he has no real Self, so no one can believe what he does to you because he deceives people intentionally. The video below illustrates my life with the Narcissist.
The Narcissist attacks your identity. My identity was shattered, and it took years to heal from cognitive dissonance, which I wrote extensively about to help you on your own journey, so read about cognitive dissonance here.
The damage caused to your psyche, mental and physical health, as well as your brain functioning, by his Narcissistic Abuse tactics, is significant and long-lasting.
In my case, Narcissistic Abuse recovery took a very long time and a lot of effort. Yet, I live a joyful life by embracing God’s Word. How? By standing firm in my identity as a child of God and focusing on what God says about me. I actually wrote a book about it, and I’m giving it to you for free.
My ebook called #52Devotionals contains 52 Biblical affirmations, each based on two scriptures, all created to help you understand what God says about you, how much He loves you, and that you are a precious Princess, a daughter of the King, loved and accepted, sanctified and redeemed.
Anna Szabo is the founder of Online Discipleship For Women, a Christian ministry committed to alleviating suicide among women globally by sharing hope in Christ. Anna teaches how to create a joyful life by embracing God’s word based on her own journey of faith and fortitude.
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