Have you ever doubted God’s blessings on you and felt cursed or punished by God? I felt that way in 2016 when my Christian husband filed for divorce four months after our wedding. I thought God hated me. That experience helped me realize that I am blessed with every spiritual blessing. Today, I want to help you see God’s blessings in your life.
This daily devotional is focused on this truth: you are blessed by God with every spiritual blessing, according to Psalm 32:1-2 and Ephesians 1:3.
The format of this devotional is “self-examination.” I’ll be sharing my personal story of how I went from feeling cursed by God to feeling blessed by God, all thanks to my heavenly father who opened up my eyes to the things unseen.
The reason why I chose the self-examination format for my devotionals is that whenever people tell me how I should think, I feel preached to, but whenever they share about their own faith journey and breakthroughs, I feel touched by their story. God uses their experiences to transform me.
I trust that sharing my struggles with feeling punished and cursed by God, as well as presenting my spiritual breakthroughs in this Biblical devotional will encourage and empower you. May this devotion be a blessing to you!
Daily Devotional for Women: “I Am Blessed”
I felt cursed by God in 2016 after realizing the deception I was lured into, and I finally knew that the deception was premeditated. I was a target, I was caught, I was trapped. I described my story in an article called How Satan Came at Me Looking Saint.
Let me briefly tell you what happened.
Michel and I were married on May 14th, 2016 in front of family and friends. After the wedding, we had not a honeymoon but a trimoon, an IronMan competition instead of a honeymoon.
Then, Michel started disappearing every evening and weekend saying that he wanted to be an IronMan and complete in Kona. He called his IronMan bicycle “My other wife I cheat on you with” and rejected me sexually saying that he needs to save himself for his IronMan training.
I felt disoriented, devastated, and discouraged.
Prior to our wedding, Michel asked me to honor him by taking his last name. That’s how I became Anna Szabo. He also asked me to deposit my paycheck into our joint checking account he created with USAA.
Now, my paycheck was spent on IronMan crap, and I was left with a balance of below zero dollars three times. I remember being at work and walking to get lunch… only to discover no money in our checking account. I described dozens of these examples in my blog about narcissistic abuse.
I confronted Michel about his lifestyle. He filed for a divorce. Four months after our wedding, a private server Jerry served me with Michel’s divorce papers at a Christian conference “Harvest” by Greg Laurie at the Infinite Energy Center in Duluth, GA. There, a day before this incident, I prayed that God would speak to me and I heard: “You will redeem your husband.”
But that day, I felt cursed and punished by God.
Realizing all my blessings took time. I’m going to tell you about my journey, obstacles, breakthroughs, and blessings. Here’s how I embraced God’s truth and experienced being blessed by God with every spiritual blessing.
Doubting God’s Existence
To be completely honest with you, after being served with the divorce summons at that Christian conference, I doubted God’s very existence. I wondered if there is God after all. I didn’t understand how a good God could allow such deception in my life. I was wondering how the goodness of God was even possible when I was suffering so much in that narcissistic marriage. I actually wrote extensively on this topic in my blog post exploring God’s goodness.
READ: God Is Good. Or Is He?
Most importantly, coming from an abusive childhood experience and having an abusive marriage experience, I wondered about my future and how much more abuse I’d have to endure, according to God’s plan (if God did exist, of course). I even wrote a suicidal poem about my thoughts of hopelessness.
Then, I read Laura Story’s book called “When God Doesn’t Fix It” and learned how God allows us to not just go but also grow through trials and tribulations.
I read the book by Randy Pope called “The Answer” and learned why God allows adversity and what truly is the purpose of my life: to experience God’s grace and share my story while giving God all the glory, so that others may be encouraged and empowered by my testimony.
READ: My Testimony
I watched “The Case For Christ” film on Netflix and realized that the realness of God is not based on whether or not He gives us what we want. The realness of God is in the life of Jesus Christ.
READ: Wo Is Jesus?
After watching that film, I wrote To Believe or Not To Believe?
To Believe or Not To Believe?
"To Believe or Not To Believe?" #PoemsFromGod
To believe? Not to believe?
That is the mystery.
Without faith and with faith people live -
It takes equal faith
Your own fate or God's plan -
C. S. Lewis said it best
In his last days:
"Christianity at a test may be false
But who cares.
But if true?" - he said,
"Then it's everything!
If Jesus suffered for us and bled,
Faith will salvation bring!"
To believe, not to believe?
Just ask yourself while you live:
Where will you go once you've died?
8/18/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
Once I settled my mind and decided that I do believe, the next question for me was: is God punishing me? I didn’t understand why I had to endure so much suffering. You see, I thought that a blessed life would be a perfect life of happiness, together with my husband, whom I loved with all my heart. A blessed life would look like a great marriage, lots of money, a beautiful home, and four good-looking kids.
In my season of trials, I realized how immature I was in my faith. I was offering my faith to God expecting that He would give me everything I wanted on a silver platter. I believed in a Santa Clause God! Soon, I began reading and re-reading the story of Job where Satan went to God to ask to tempt Job in order to test his faith. And God allowed Satan to tempt Job!
Job lost everything but he kept his faith.
READ: What Is Faith?
Job was called God’s most faithful servant but Satan expected Job to curse God in adversity. Yet, Job never did. I believed in God but I questioned if I could ever be as faithful as Job was.
In 2017, after my divorce, I started this ministry, Online Discipleship For Women, to help alleviate suicide among women globally by sharing hope in Christ. I helped thousands of women around the world create a joyful life by embracing God’s word. I do this in faith, one day at a time. Faith without works is dead, so I live out my faith in real God, not Santa Clause God. And he is faithful to me. God keeps all His promises.
Why God Matters
You may have been brought up in a Christian home and went to Sunday school. I actually was raised by a very abusive single mother in a family of alcoholics where I lived in a state of war every day. I didn’t know God. We were not Christians. I described the situation in which I grew up in my artciles about the narcssistic abuse I endured as a little girl.
God was not a part of my life. I was an alcoholic and a sex addict. One time, I was physically violent with a security guard at a local hospital in Kursk, Russia, where I grew up. I was locked up in jail for the night. I tried to commit suicide twice when I was 11 and 12.
READ: My Suicide Story
I gave away my body when I was 16 and slept with many married men for nearly a decade after that. When people ask how I came to Christ, I say: “I came to Christ through sex.” People’s eyes pop. Yet, I am telling the truth.
READ: My Sex Addiction Story
I gave my life to Jesus on October 19th, 2014 by falling on my knees and inviting Him to come into my heart and be my lord and savior. He did, and ever since my journey has been that of maturing in my faith and learning to trust God. Yet, it’s not been a perfect path by any means.
In that season of adversity in 2016, I questioned why God even mattered: in general and to me personally. The thing I realized was that God never let me down. I began studying His character and promised and what He said about me.
READ: What God Says About Me
I discovered 52 incredible truths about my identity in Christ and wrote a book called #52Devotionals. I found 3673 promises of God in the Bible. And as I looked back, I saw that God kept each one of His promises in His relationship with me. I actually wrote a poem called “Standing on God’s Promises.”
"Standing on God’s Promises" #PoemsFromGod
Life is a series of seasons,
With moments of sorrow followed by happy moments.
To question God we have many reasons,
Especially, when facing some devastating disappointments.
Sometimes, we question God's very existence,
Or just His presence in our lives.
We may confront the idea of God's goodness with resistance,
Especially when grief our daily emotions drives.
Our emotions are not a very reliable source of information.
How we feel changes often too randomly.
That's why to confidently walk toward our destination,
We need to immerse ourselves in truth extendedly.
We need to understand and believe God's faithfulness.
We need to embrace His eternal promises.
We don't need to make them up or guess -
Reading His word is what confidence encompasses.
In the Bible, there are 3573 promises,
The word "promise" itself occurs 50 times.
End of suffering, protection, and forgiveness,
Peace and joy are guaranteed to us always and not just sometimes.
God's promises are the only solid ground to stand on.
Everything else is unstable and temporary.
His word is the truth for us to lean on,
So that our lives can be for His glory and extraordinary.
9/12/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
I realized that God matters because out of His love for me He sent Jesus as a sacrifice, as a payment to redeem me from my sins. For me, knowing that my sins are forgiven is comforting. But it’s not just my emotional comfort that’s found in Christ but also my whole eternity, too. Jesus set me free. That’s why God matters to me personally.
Blessed By God
Jesus paid for my sins. He gave me a new life of joy. He taught me who I am. I can confidently declare my identity as a daughter of God, a true Princess.
Realizing all this, made me so aware that I began seeing God’s presence everywhere. I even wrote a poem called “God’s Presence Everywhere.”
"God's Presence Everywhere" #PoemsFromGod
God, I see your presence everywhere.
To hear your voice for me is not at all rare.
Once I finally quit being worldly and blind,
Now, in everything your glory I can find.
Anywhere I look, there you are!
In my suffering, you count my every scar.
My pain you turn from dust into beauty
As I follow your calling and fulfill my duty.
God, I don’t need any special presents.
All I want is to continue being in your presence.
I love leaning on you and having you near.
To my heart, your presence is very dear.
11/26/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
I realized on a very deep, profound level that I am blessed by God. I began trusting God in my adversity. I saw that my journey wasn’t about God meeting my expectations of a perfect life. I saw that my journey was about maturing and growing my faith.
Looking back, I saw how God was faithful all these years. And I learned to trust God again. That’s when my poem “Your Plan Is Always Perfect” was born.
"Your Plan Is Always Perfect" #PoemsFromGod
You said your plan is perfect.
Can I believe it, God?
Sometimes I feel in conflict,
With scope of trials so broad.
But then I look around,
I pay attention close,
And see your grace abound
In sorrow and in loss.
I trust your every vow,
Your Holy Word I trust.
Sometimes I wonder how
Your beauty comes from dust.
Your plan for me to prosper,
Have future and the hope
Wholeheartedly I trust in
And never will I stop.
8/16/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
“What blessings am I blessed with?” I wondered. And I started digging deep to understand exactly what were those blessings. Here’s a list I made for myself. I’m sharing this unique list of God’s blessings to encourage you to take a look at your own story of God’s glory.
- Acceptance by God
- His unconditional love
- Close relationship with Jesus
- The Holy Spirit who lives in me
- My Salvation
- Adoption into God’s family
- Victories God had already won on my behalf
- Forgiveness of my sins
- God’s infinite wisdom available to me through His word
- Protection from evil
- Confidence in my eternal security
- God’s plan for my life where He works all things for good
- The riches of God’s glory
- Peace that passes all understanding
- The joy of the Lord
- Eternity in heaven
For me, this truth was liberating and comforting no matter the trials I faced in my everyday life and marriage.
I wrote a poem about blessings in my life and my life being a blessing in itself. It’s called “My Life Is Such a Gift.”
"My Life Is Such a Gift" #PoemsFromGod My life is such a gift. My life is such a blessing. I'm grateful for each day, Which I'm with joy professing. I'm grateful for the peace, I'm grateful that I'm healthy, For joy that may not cease, And being friendships-wealthy. I'm grateful for abundance Of food and drinking water, And clothing choices hundreds, And being God's own daughter. I'm grateful for each mentor Who time invests and wisdom To ground me and center In Gospel and God's kingdom. I'm grateful for awareness Of who I am in Jesus And for my journey's rareness. To love it I have reasons. My life is very special, And I am special also - I have a high potential, With Scriptures armed, I know so. 9/14/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
I was able to see and believe that my life and everything about it was a blessing. What about you? Are you aware of God’s blessings on you?
Take some time now to dwell on your blessings. Express your gratitude to God for those blessings in prayer or by journaling. Praise Him genuinely and wholeheartedly for His grace and love. Experience deep gratitude for God’s blessings on you.
Do you accept God’s blessings? Are you recognizing that you are blessed? If so, memorize the Biblical affirmation below to remember that you are blessed.
I Am Blessed
"I Am Blessed" #52Devotionals I am blessed by God with every spiritual blessing. My transgressions are forgiven and my sins are covered. Without Jesus, about my future I was wondering and guessing. But now my future is certain because God's grace I discovered. Click to Tweet
How does it make you feel to know that you are blessed? Share with me in the comments below so I can rejoice with you. If this devotional was helpful, download all #52Devotionals now.
Read 52 Devotionals
- “I am Forgiven” – Devotional #1
- “I am Accepted” – Devotional #2
- “I am Loved” – Devotional #3
- “I am Healed” – Devotional #4
- “I am Blessed” – Devotional #5
- “I am Special and Chosen” – Devotional #6
- “I am Justified and Sanctified” – Devotional #7
- “I am Alive” – Devotional #8
- “I am New and Transformed” – Devotional #9
- “I am Noble and Lovely” – Devotional #10
- “I am Beautiful” – Devotional #11
- “I am Holy” – Devotional #12
- “I am Worthy” – Devotional #13
- “I am Righteous” – Devotional #14
- “I am Valuable” – Devotional #15
- “I am Anointed” – Devotional #16
- “I am Free” – Devotional #17
- “I am Renewed” – Devotional #18
- “I am Not Alone” – Devotional #19
- “I am a Princess” – Devotional #20
- “I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” – Devotional #21
- “I am a Disciple of Jesus” – Devotional #22
- “I am a Child of God” – Devotional #23
- “I am a Citizen of Heaven” – Devotional #24
- “I am God’s Glory on Display” – Devotional #25
- “I am God’s Masterpiece” – Devotional #26
- “I am a Difference Maker” – Devotional #27
- “I am Light” – Devotional #28
- “I am a Peacemaker” – Devotional #29
- “I am Wise” – Devotional #30
- “I am Clear and Focused” – Devotional #31
- “I am Intentional” – Devotional #32
- “I am Decisive” – Devotional #33
- “I am Powerful” – Devotional #34
- “I am Disciplined” – Devotional #35
- “I am Thoughtful” – Devotional #36
- “I am Prudent” – Devotional For #37
- “I am Confident” – Devotional #38
- “I am Courageous” – Devotional #39
- “I am Victorious” – Devotional #40
- “I am Kind” – Devotional #41
- “I am Loving” – Devotional #42
- “I am Hopeful” – Devotional #43
- “I am Joyful” – Devotional #44
- “I am Grateful” – Devotional #45
- “I am Strong” – Devotional #46
- “I am Protected” – Devotional #47
- “I am Peaceful” – Devotional #48
- “I am Patient” – Devotional #49
- “I am Faithful” – Devotional #50
- “I am Gifted” – Devotional #51
- “I am Creative” – Devotional #52
I shared with you about my journey from feeling cursed by God to discovering God’s blessings. I also gave you a list of 16 of God’s blessings on you. I told you the details of my faith-growth. The most important fundamentals for me have been studying God’s word and spending quality time with Him every day. Also, this process helped me learn who I am in Christ and stop seeing myself as someone who deserves God’s wrath or neglect. It was all in my identity. I discovered how God sees me and learned to trust Him with who I am.
Today, I help women see themselves the way God sees them. I’ve specifically been focusing on identity in Christ. From the Bible, I discovered 52 incredibly-positive things God says about us as His daughters. Those 52 precious discoveries turned into 52 Biblical affirmations I created to encourage and empower Christian women.
To help share this life-changing information with you, I created an ebook called #52Devotionals. Download it now for free.
My free ebook helps you understand who God says you are. Don’t be vulnerable to identity attacks from the mainstream media, relatives, coworkers, your boss, society, culture, and the voices in your head.
Stand firm and know what God says about you.
Anna Szabo is the founder of Online Discipleship For Women, a Christian ministry committed to alleviating suicide among women globally by sharing hope in Christ. Anna teaches how to create a joyful life by embracing God’s word based on her own journey of faith and fortitude.
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