I am Not Alone - Daily Devotionals for Women by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women

Have you ever felt alone in your troubles and abandoned by God? I have. Today, I want to share about my breakthrough: I am not alone, God is always with me. He is with you, as well, always. You are not alone!

This daily devotional will reveal to you that, even when it appears as if you have no support and you feel abandoned, you are not alone because God is always with you. Thanks to my faith, I do not experience loneliness ever.

READ: What is Faith?

Yet, I did feel alone in my struggles in 2016.

The format of this devotional is “self-examination.” I’ll be sharing my personal story of how I for a moment felt abandoned in my trials and tribulations, but, by the grace of God, through my faith in Christ, I discovered what God says about me: I am never alone because Jesus is always with me.

READ: Who is Jesus?

The reason why I chose the self-examination format for my devotionals is that whenever people tell me how I should think, I feel preached to, but whenever they share about their own faith journey and breakthroughs, I feel touched by their story. God uses their experiences to transform me.

READ: My Testimony

I trust that sharing my feelings, doubts, burdens, blessing, and spiritual breakthroughs with you in this Biblical devotional will encourage and empower you. I pray that you’ll be moved and inspired by my story of accepting God’s everlasting grace, stepping into His unconditional love, and giving Him all the glory. I pray that you may do the same thing.

God never leaves you.

I am Not Alone #52Devotionals Devotions for Women by Anna Szabo

Facing the Troubles in This World

My story of feeling alone began with a love story. I got married on May 14th, 2016. The good Christian man who courted me had instantly disappeared, and the evil narcissist appeared. I described my marriage story in blog posts called “Narcissistic Relationship Abuse” and “What Narcissistic Abuse Feels Like.” The narc abandoned our marriage saying all he actually wanted was to be an IronMan and compete in Kona.

He told me that I did not matter, that he did not need me, that he did not want anything to do with me, and that he had no interest in our marriage. He filed for a divorce four months after our wedding.

Then, the narc dismissed his divorce claim. He asked me to reconcile. I said yes gladly, and was willing to work on our marriage. However, the narcissist became even more abusive and cruel.

Five weeks later, he filed for his second divorce in our first eight months of marriage. He manipulated me mentally every day, and his cruel narcissistic abuse tactics took a toll on my mental health for good.

I became depressed and suicidal.

READ: My Suicide Story

Michel traded me in for a bicycle… In fact, He called his bicycle “My other wife I cheat on you with”… His betrayal and rejection made me feel disoriented, devastated, devalued, and discarded. I was left lonely in our marital residence at Adair Park in Cumming, GA, which was far away from my friends, work, and life. Living with the narcissist was unbearable. It was satanic. It was a hell on earth.

READ: How Satan Came at Me Looking Saint

Yet, I wanted to save our marriage… In fact, I remember vividly the day I purchased a beautiful pink hard-cover journal at TJ Maxx. I called it “A Case For Marriage.” I was so desperate to save the union of perceived oneness I thought we had.

I was in such denial about the reality of my husband’s mental health struggles, his inability to be committed to a woman, his lack of adult communication skills, and his cruel intentions. I was so eager to take action to show God my commitment to my wedding vows. 

All that led me to write a whole journal with a step-by-step guide for God on what I wanted Him to do for me. It was heartbreaking. I felt so lonely, so alone, so exhausted from abuse, and so desperate for help.

On one hand, I see my courageous action as a demonstration of faith. I think about it in retrospect and feel compassion for the young bride who’d do such a courageous thing to save her miserable marriage!

Michel Szabo and Anna Szabo Wedding 5-14-2016 Verdi

On the other hand, I felt abandoned by God and called on Him for urgent help not believing that His very plan was unfolding right before my eyes. Today, I look back and see that Michel burned our love, marriage, and relationship, he turned me into ashes, too. But God gave me beauty for those ashes, and I love my beautiful life today. I love the beautiful me! I love my beautiful, unshakable, resolute faith!

That satanic marriage was filled with fear.

Experiencing Fear and Confusion

Going through all the divorces filed by Michel in our first year of marriage, moving in and out of the marital residence all in just a few months, having all my money wasted by the narcissist on his IronMan addicton, being completely abandoned in that country house, and enduring cruelty at home from the man I married a few months prior to that, I was scared. And I felt confused. 

I didn’t know what to do. I felt devastated and completely disoriented in life. I was so lost and nearly hopeless. My hope was in my satanic husband instead of my holy God.

So, I feared… 

So do not fear, for I am with you;

    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

My fears were real and so was God’s presence everywhere. I began noticing it well into my depression. When I came to the end of my hope in Michel, I cried out to God to reveal Himself to me. So, He did. I witnessed God’s presence everywhere and even wrote a poem about it.

Noticing God’s Presence Everywhere

God didn’t let go of me for even a minute in the midst of all that marriage misery. He had me surrounded with love and kindness. God uses what He hates to accomplish what He loves, and through those trials and tribulations, God drew me closer to Himself.

Then, God gave me this Christian ministry, Online Discipleship For Women. God’s love became more tangible all around me when I realized with gratitude all the special people who walked that walk with me.

Our premarital counseling mentors went to the divorce mediation with me, went apartment-hunting with me, came every day to my divorce jury trial for four days, and prayed for me without ceasing. My church picked up some of my bills: rent, car payment, water, cell phone, GA Power, and WiFi. The deacons gave me gift cards to help with some of the expenses I was enduring due to the multiple divorces Michel filed, for which I had to hire an attorney. Since there were two divorces in the first year of marriage, there were multiple attorney bills, and things were tough for me. That Christmas, I got a $2000 check in a mail from an anonymous angel through Perimeter Church. I was also referred by our deacons to a Church member who hired me on the spot for a consulting project, so I made $12,000. 

God was everywhere, and I finally felt and saw His presence! I am not alone, ever. I’m never alone, even in the darkest valley of the shadow of death, I was not alone because God was carrying me through.

Later on, after we were divorced, Michel demanded that the judge orders me to pay all Michel’s divorce expenses, a total of $50000. But the judge denied. Was I alone in all that mess? Not even for a moment! Did God deliver on His promises to carry me through the valley of the shadow of death and through the deep waters? Yes! He sure did

I wrote a poem about it.

It’s called “God’s Presence Everywhere.

"God's Presence Everywhere"

God, I see your presence everywhere.
To hear your voice for me is not at all rare.
Once I finally quit being worldly and blind,
Now, in everything your glory I can find.

Anywhere I look, there you are!
In my suffering, you count my every scar.
My pain you turn from dust into beauty
As I follow your calling and fulfill my duty.

God, I don’t need any special presents.
All I want is to continue being in your presence.
I love leaning on you and having you near.
To my heart, your presence is very dear. 

11/26/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

There’s one more thing. Often in life, when we feel the most alone and the most abandoned and hurt, that’s when God’s beauty is born out of the dust. It happened to me.

Realizing the Beauty Created out of the Dust

When I looked back at our love story, dating, wedding, and then marriage, it appeared that all there was left was a mountain of stinky burning ashes, and nothing good. But it wasn’t what was actually happening. God was slowly birthing beauty out of all those ashes.

Going through the valley of the shadow of death in 2016 and 2017 with the narcissist, I drew closer to God and sought to understand who I am in Christ.

Based on what God says about me in the Bible, I wrote my #52Devotionals book of positive I Am affirmations about identity, designed my Biblical wall art, started my Christian podcast for women, and wrote over 100 Christian poems called “Poems From God.” And this ministry was founded as a result of that painful journey. Today, I help women grow in faith, draw closer to God, and persevere.

I am not alone! God is always with me!

He worked all things together for good. His promises are true. God never failed me. Even when the road through the valley appeared unwalkable, God carried me in His arms. This is a story for His amazing glory.

God called me to ministry, and that was all a divine preparation and training to equip me with the unique skills needed to fulfill God’s purpose for my life.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

While it’s hard to see how exactly God can use for good such adversarial circumstances as abuse, divorce, depression, and suicidal thoughts, God does follow through on His promises. That’s why anywhere I look now I see His presence and grace. 

Did God use my adversarial marriage circumstances for good? Yes, He did. And I trust His perfect plan. What about you?

Do you trust God? 

READ: How To Trust God

In your troubles and afflictions, do you feel cared for by God? Do you trust His protection guarantee? If you do, memorize my Biblical affirmation below and practice it often to remember that you are never alone because God is always with you.

I Am Not Alone

"I Am Not Alone" #52Devotionals

I am never alone, God is always with me.
As I pass through the deep waters,
He holds me in the palm of His hand, 
And I trust His protection guarantee. 

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Has God carried you through some tough seasons?

Share with me in the comments below about the beautiful things God created in your life. I want to cheer you on, and you can encourage someone with your story for God’s glory! If this devotional was helpful, download all 52 of my Biblical affirmations now for free. Stand firm and know what God says about you!

Anna Szabo Ebook Devotionals for Women #52Devotionals

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