Have you ever felt alone in your troubles and abandoned by God? I know I have.
In fact, I even had a journal in which I wrote God letters on what exactly He needed to do to take care of me.
“Whoever Brings Blessing Will be Enriched” Proverbs 11:25
Bless Online Discipleship For Women
Yes, I’m serious! Don’t laugh too hard!
Let me share with you exactly what happened.
THE TROUBLES IN THIS WORLD
I got married on 5/14/2016 and my Christian husband abandoned the marriage saying all he wanted was to be an IronMan and compete in Kona.
He filed for a divorce four months after our wedding. Then, he dismissed that claim. And then five weeks later, he filed for his second divorce in our 10 months of marriage.
I was depressed and suicidal. I had no energy to continue living in hope. I was hopeless and felt completely helpless.
Michel traded me in for a bicycle… In fact, He called his bicycle “My other wife I cheat on you with” in my face.
I remember vividly the day I purchased a beautiful pink hard-cover journal at TJ Maxx. I called it “A Case For Marriage.”
I was so desperate to save my marriage. I was in such a denial about the reality of my husband’s mental health. I was so eager to take action to show God my commitment to my vows.
All that led me to writing a whole journal with a step-by-step guide for God on what I wanted Him to do for me.
Don’t laugh so hard, please!
On one hand, I see it as a demonstration of faith. I think about it in retrospect and feel compassion for the young bride who’d do such a courageous thing.
On the other hand, I felt abandoned by God and called on Him for urgent help not believing that His very plan was unfolding right before my eyes.
THE FEAR AND CONFUSION
Going through all these divorces in my first year of marriage, moving in and out of the house all in just a few months, having all my money wasted, being completely abandoned, enduring cruelty and threats at home, I was scared.
And I was confused.
I didn’t know what to do.
I felt devastated and completely disoriented in life.
Isaiah 41:10 says this.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
My fears were real and so was God’s presence everywhere.
GOD’S PRESENCE EVERYWHERE
God didn’t let go of me for even a minute. He had me surrounded by love and kindness.
Our premarital counseling mentors went to the divorce meditation with me, went apartment-hunting with me, came every day to my divorce jury trial, and prayed for me and Michel without ceasing.
My church picked up some of my bills: rent, car payment, water, cell phone, GA Power, and WiFi.
Our deacons gave me gift cards to help with some of the expenses I was enduring due to the crazy divorce.
For Christmas, I got a $2000 check in a mail from an anonymous sender…
I was also referred by our deacons to a Church member who hired me on the spot for a consulting project.
Later on, Michel demanded that the judge orders me to pay all Michel’s divorce expenses, a total of $50000. But the judge denied.
Was I alone in this mess? Not even for a moment!
Did God deliver on His promises to carry me through the valley and the deep waters? Yes! He sure did.
There’s one more thing. Often, when we feel the most alone and the most abandoned and hurt, that’s when God’s beauty is born out of the dust.
It happened to me.
BEAUTY CREATED OUT OF DUST
Going through that valley of the shadow of death in 2016 and 2017, I wrote the #52Devotionals book, designed Biblical wall art, started my Christian podcast, and wrote 200 spiritual poems.
And this ministry was founded as a result of that painful journey.
Here’s what the Bible promises in this regard.
Romans 8:28 explains:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
While it’s hard to see how exactly God can use for good such adversarial circumstances as divorce, depression, and suicidal thoughts, God does follow through on His promises.
That’s why anywhere I look now I see His presence and His grace.
I’d like to share with you one of my poems called “God’s Presence Everywhere”
“God’s Presence Everywhere”
God, I see your presence everywhere.
To hear your voice for me is not at all rare.
Once I finally quit being worldly and blind,
Now in everything your glory I can find.
Anywhere I look, there you are!
In my suffering, you count my every scar.
My pain you turn from dust into beauty
As I follow your calling and fulfill my duty.
God, I don’t need any special presents.
All I want is to continue being in your presence.
I love leaning on you and having you near.
To my heart, your presence is very dear.
Did God use my adversarial marriage circumstances for good?
He did. And I trust His plan.
What about you? Do you trust God?
In your troubles and afflictions, do you feel cared for by God? Do you trust His protection guarantee?
If you do, below is a Biblical affirmation for you to memorize. Practice it often to remember that you are never alone because God is always with you.
I am not alone
I am never alone, God is always with me.
As I pass through the deep waters,
He holds me in the palm of His hand,
And I trust His protection guarantee.
Has God carried you through some tough seasons? Share with me in the comments below about the beautiful things He created in your life.
If this devotional was helpful, download all #52Devotionals now.
Anna Szabo is the founder of Online Discipleship For Women, a Christian ministry committed to alleviating suicide among women globally by sharing hope in Christ. Anna teaches how to create a joyful life by embracing God’s word based on her own journey of faith and fortitude.
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