I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made - Daily Devotional for Women by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women

Did you know that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made by God in His image? Once you gave your life to Jesus, you became a new creation. I lived a miserable life of anger, adultery, abuse, alcoholism, and addictions. Then, I had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ and experienced a breakthrough: I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made #52Devotionals Devotions for Women by Anna Szabo

The Old Things of My Past

I remember being 19 years old. It was a Summer evening. I was with my girlfriend, hanging out in Downtown Kursk, Russia. Two guys started pursuing us on the streets. It was dark. They were in the car. We were pedestrians. They forcefully got us in their car and took us to their condo. We were scared. We were helpless.

The guys threatened us. They raped us.

Some time later, my girlfriend Anna died. 

When I shared that Summer with my mom that I was raped, she said “Good for you, now you have more sexual experiences than other girls. Just don’t tell anyone!”

I felt stupid and worthless. My mom was not there to comfort me or protect me. I felt like my pain, my life, my dignity – none of it mattered. I felt like I didn’t matter. I felt like I had no human dignity.

READ: Things Narcissistic Mothers Say

I didn’t understand at the time that my mom was mentally impaired. The pain of not being protected or comforted or at least receiving wise counsel from her became a heavy burden on my heart. For many years,  I carried that pain accompanied by anger and shame. I was angry at those guys. I was angry at myself. I was angry at my mom. I felt shame and guilt though I was not at fault.

I saw other people as valuable but I saw myself as useless. I was treated by those guys like an object. I was treated by my mom like a commodity. And after all that, I treated myself like less than a human. 

I had no self-respect. I was drinking a lot. I was always clubbing at night. I was sleeping around. I was treating my body as a commodity and giving it away. 

READ: My Sex Addition Story

I didn’t consider myself valuable at all. And in no way did I think of myself as wonderful! My distorted self-perception resulted in having a destructive lifestyle. Problems with alcohol. Sexual addiction. Excessive anger. Violent behaviors. All that eventually resulted in coming to the end of myself. There, on the rock bottom, I had an encounter with Jesus – my rock on the bottom. 

Am a New Creation in Christ

In 2014, I gave my life to Christ and got baptized. I slowly began learning that I was new. I learned that I was a new creation. I discovered that I was born again. I realized my new identity. I accepted the new spirit in me – the Holy Spirit. I embraced my new heart – the heart of flesh instead of my old heart of stone. I was absolutely new!

… if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17

The old has gone? So, do I not have to carry all my past with me into my future anymore? Oh! Wow… What a relief! And if the old has gone, then my pain and shame and guilt are gone, too? Oh! Wow… So, then, I am free from my past and from the pain of my past? So, I’m pain-free

That was my thought process.

I was relieved and happy to know that the old things had no more power over me because I was new. And then I learned that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. What? Who? Me? 

It was a year I spent 365 days of holidays alone to get to know myself because I hated and despised myself. I was learning all this as I was embracing my identity in Christ. It was a very hard and painful journey because I avoided my own company for decades. I did a lot of tough work, especially digging deep and figuring out my childhood trauma.

READ: Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

My mom always told me that I was an accident, that she didn’t want to have me, and that she went to abort me, that she hated me and wanted me dead. She called me a boy’s name until I was seven years old and stood up for myself to her. She hated that I was born and she hated that I was born a girl

My father had nothing to do with me. He spent most of his life in jail. My grandmother was ashamed of me because I was fatherless and born out of wedlock. My family called me “a miscarriage” and they rejected me every day of my life. I surely never thought of myself as being fearfully and wonderfully made for a divine purpose.

I felt like I never belonged anywhere and didn’t have the right to live because I was unwanted and unwelcome. My mom would often say: “I gave you life and I’ll take it from you!” So, I viewed myself as my mom’s property for many years.

All that changed when I gave my life to Christ and discovered that I was made, created, crafted, designed to be here, on earth, in this life, in this world. God made me on purpose!

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

Thinking about the fact that God wanted me and created me for His purpose in His image gives me chills. I just want to cry. It’s such a relief for someone who didn’t even feel that living was rightful for her.

I am God’s wonderful creation! 

Here are some frequently asked questions answered.

What verse in the Bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made?

Psalm 139:14 say “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”

What does it mean to be wonderfully and fearfully made?

Being fearfully and wonderfully made means that first of all, you were made, created, manufactured – by God, on purpose, so you didn’t happen to be here accidentally. You are not an accident. Also, it means that you were made exactly the way you need to be in order to fulfill your life’s purpose.

What does it mean to be made in the image of God?

Being made in the image of God means that you are like God.

I Am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

My story is for God’s glory. Your story may be similar to mine in some ways. You may have felt rejected, too. You may have been wondering why you’re here and what’s the purpose of your life.

Well, I want you to know this one truth: God made you! He created you. God crafted you. You are special and unique because you are His precious masterpiece. Whatever happened in your past, whatever hurt it caused you to endure, all your pain can be washed away by Jesus.

You are free. All painful things are gone once you give your life to God through your faith in Christ. I wrote a helpful article called “What is Faith?” explaining my point of view on this sensitive topic. Why is it sensitive? Because your pain needs to be processed through grief. Faith liberates you from fear associated with your past but you do need to bring your pain to light and allow God to heal it through mourning.

READ: How To Be Fully Human

You’ve had many experiences in life: some bad ones and some good ones. Everyone’s life sometimes rocks and sometimes sucks. You may have been bullied like me or perhaps you even bullied yourself! Remember this: what God says about you is more powerful than what mom said about you, what your abusers said about you, or even what you think about yourself.

Your faith in Jesus defines your identity.

I wrote a very detailed explanation in the blog post called “Wo Is Jesus?” to help you see what Christ can do for you in your special situation. When you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior, you get a new life, a new identity, a new heart, a new spirit, and a new future. Your past has no influence over your future. Only your faith in Jesus influences your future. 

The addiction, abuse, loss, poverty, hunger, homelessness, betrayal, rape, suicide, divorce, failures, and other afflictions of mine – all were left in my past, washed as white as snow by the blood of Jesus.

I gave my life to God through my faith in Christ. I believe what happened to Jesus on the cross and who Jesus is: the son of God, the Messiah, the redeemer of God’s children from sin. My faith made me new. The blood of Jesus washed my life book as white as snow. I’m a new creation. And I’m living out a new story: a story of God glory. I have a new future.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

What about you? If you accepted Christ as your Lord and savior, you are new! Do you believe this truth? Do you believe that you’re fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s own image for His divine purpose? Do you believe in a new future for yourself, which is independent of your past? 

If you believe, memorize the Biblical affirmation below. Practice my affirmation daily to remind yourself that your past has no power over you and that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are new! 

"I Am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" #52Devotionals

I am fearfully and wonderfully made
By God Almighty, the Great I Am.
Old things all past away at once,
And I am a new creation in Christ.  

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How do you feel about your past now that you’re new? Do you feel acceptance, relief, peace, surrender, gratitude, joy, and hopefulness? Share with me in the comments below. I want to hear from you. If this devotional was helpful, download my free book of #52Devotionals now.

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