Things narcissistic mothers say - Anna Szabo

Have you been looking for some real-life examples of the things narcissistic mothers say? Let me give you 48 examples of what two narcissistic mothers said to me: my mom and grandma. I also wrote extensively on the topic of the daughters of narcissistic mothers and narcissistic abuse recovery.

Introduction

It was November 11th, 2019. I was in my bed reading a book by Dr. Eric Berne called “What Do You Say After You Say Hello?” It’s the most impactful book of my lifetime, though it was published three years after Dr. Eric Berne’s death and ten years before my birth. This book was recommended in 2008 by my B-school professor Valeriy Petrovich Kovalenko. It took me 11 years to get to the actual reading. I was not ready.

RELATED: 12 Book s in 12 Months Reading Challenge

Dr. Berne asked in the book to answer the following question: “What Did My Caregivers Tell Me When I Was Littel?” I pulled out my journal, a red pen filled with glitter gel, and I started writing courageously and honestly as tears were rolling down my chicks. In about two minutes of doing this hard internal work, I was exhausted. Yet, I continued writing, and that’s how this list of the things narcissistic mothers say was born.

RELATED: My Life with Two Narcissistic Mothers

I will not only share with you my entire journal entry but also explain the impact of the things narcissistic mothers say on their victims, aka daughters. You will witness how those heavy, painful, abusive, damaging things that narcissistic mothers repeatedly say to their daughters leave a lasting wound that is deep and multifaceted.

Things Narcissistic Mothers Say

I grouped all of the things narcissistic mothers say into categories. My hope is that this blog post will help you see how common narcissistic abuse is in a mother-daughter relationship. It results from the mother’s lack of conscience (which I explained in detail in my blog post called “Narcissistic Mother”), from the mother’s jealousy toward her daughter, and from her desire for power, admiration, attention, and praise.

Please note that the same thing I experienced from my mother she experienced from her mother. We all lived together, in one small Soviet condo in Russia, and the life with both of them, as well as my mother’s sister who was always a drunk and unemployed, that life was hell on eath.

I emigrated to America in 2008 and had never been back. My journey of faith led me to forgive my mother. I had tried to establish boundaries with my mom, which she never respected and always violated. I did everything I could to be in a relationship with her but it never worked.

My mother and I have no relationship.

RELATED: A Letter To My Narcissistic Mother

I found peace with God.

Identity Attacks by Narcissistic Mothers

  1. I wish I got rid of you when I went to abort you
  2. I wish you were never born
  3. I never wanted you, you shouldn’t be here
  4. You’re worthless and a waste of my life
  5. You are not of thins world and you don’t belong here
  6. You are a curse to our family
  7. You are not a part of our family, you’re a miscarriage
  8. You are not like us, you must have been switched
  9. You are an embarrassment, you are shame
  10. No one loves you, there’s nothing to love about you
  11. You’re too complicated, everyone hates you for that
  12. No one will ever love you, you’re unlovable
  13. Who do you think you are? You’re the daughter of a janitor
  14. You will never amount to anything
  15. I curse the day you were born, I want you to suffer forever

Body Shaming by Narcissistic Mothers

  1. You’re so ugly, look at me, I’m beautiful
  2. I wish you were beautiful like your cousin Vika
  3. Learn how to be beautiful by 35, otherwise, you’re stupid
  4. You’re so ugly, have you noticed that you have no eyebrows
  5. You have no boobs, I wish you had boobs like your cousin Vika
  6. Your laughter is ugly, I wish you could laugh like your cousin Yulya
  7. You shouldn’t smile, too much gum is exposed, it’s ugly
  8. Your teeth are so ugly, you look like a horse
  9. Your legs are ugly, I wish you had beautiful legs like your cousin Vika
  10. Your butt is so flat, I wish you had a nicely shaped butt like Vika
  11. You’re sweating like your father’s sister, you’re the same kind of pig
  12. Your arms are fat, you’re gonna have fat arms like your father’s side
  13. Your ears are popping, you look like a monkey
  14. You embarrass me with your ugliness, at least draw some eyebrows
  15. You were beautiful when you slept with your teeth facing the wall

Ability Diminishing by Narcissistic Mothers

  1. Your hands are growing out of your ass, you can’t do anything right
  2. You’re too deep and too intellectual, it’s annoying, be simpler
  3. Don’t think too much of yourself, you’re not going to go far
  4. If you want to make anything of your life, get a man
  5. A smart woman will pick a bum and make him Prince Charming
  6. A woman who has no Prince Charming is stupid and useless
  7. A good woman is skilled at drinking, smoking, sex, and seduction
  8. You have goals and ambitions? You’re delusional!
  9. Be simple, don’t think too much, be like normal people
  10. Have a drink, you’ll feel better about yourself

Suicide Manipulation by Narcissistic Mothers

  1. The world will be a better place when you’re dead
  2. You won’t live long, someone’s gonna kill you soon
  3. When you’re dead, everyone will celebrate instead of mourning
  4. You’re dead to me, you died a long time ago
  5. Why don’t you try to kill yourself, you’ll feel better
  6. Didn’t even succeed at suicide? Failure! Try again
  7. You will die alone and no one will even care
  8. I hate you and I just want you dead

How What Narcissistic Mothers Say Impacts Their Daughters

What the two narcissistic mothers I lived with said to me impacted me forever. They were my mom and my maternal grandma. They both rejected me, humiliated me, shamed me, mocked me, abused me physically, and each of them separately attempted to kill me. I give God all the glory for my story. It is only by His grace that I am alive, healthy, and whole.

MY STORY

The things narcissistic mothers say cause identity confusion, a lifetime of searching for some kind of rescue outside of own self, and such lack of peace, such deep anxiety, that the daughter of a narcissistic mother ends up in paralysis by analysis in regards to everything.

The things narcissistic mothers say inflict such emotional pain and mental distress on their daughters that oftentimes suicide seems to be the only escape from the invisible yet powerful trap of the narcissistic mother.

The things narcissistic mothers say result in PTSD, OCD, addictions to help cope with trauma, and future abusive relationships, for which the daughter of a narcissistic mother is groomed consistently.

MY ISSUES

It’s been years of healing. I came to Christ in 2014, and He healed my identity, lifestyle, and habits. Jesus Christ is the reason for my narcissistic abuse recovery success. Stepping into His power and living my life as a child of God has liberated me from the curses of narcissistic mothers.

FIVE AREAS OF LIVE TO HEAL

I wrote a book of autobiographical Christian fairytales about my recovery journey. It’s called “How Princess Lana Developed Faith and Fortitude.

God is in the business of healing. He gave me a new identity, new lifestyle, new habits, new hope, new wisdom, new dreams and goals, and a new future. All things are possible through Christ, and I believe wholeheartedly that healing is possible for all daughters of narcissistic mothers.

Summary

The 48 things narcissistic mothers say shared in this blog post are all the things I was personally told since I was five years old until I was 25 and left Russia, my mother, my grandmother, and my family. I had never been back.

In the twenty years of hearing these 48 things narcissistic mothers said to me on a regular basis, I developed anxiety, addictions, OCD, C-PTSD, and I attempted suicide twice. It was a miracle to survive the life with the two of them: my mom and her mom. My healing has been hard. It’s been six years of healing. I first began facing my childhood trauma in 2014. Today, I’m 37.

>> My Christian Guided Meditation Collection About Identity

I made peace with every detail of my story and I share it now to give God all the glory. In 2017, I founded this Christian ministry, Online Discipleship For Women, to help alleviate suicide among women globally by sharing hope in Christ. How? Through my Christian podcast, blog, YouTube channel, and speaking. Also, I wrote a free book about identity in Christ. I help women see themselves the way God sees them. 

In the last few years, I’ve personally been on a quest to figuring out and conquering the negative voices in my head that distort my understanding of who I am. I call those voices the Shitty Committee, and each of us has that special committee in our headspace. 

I’ve specifically been focusing on my identity in Christ. 

From the Bible, I discovered 52 incredibly-positive things God says about us as His children. Those 52 precious discoveries turned into 52 Biblical affirmations I created to encourage and empower Christian women. 

To help share this life-changing information with you, I created an ebook called #52Devotionals. Download it now for free

My free ebook helps you understand who God says you are. Don’t be vulnerable to identity attacks from the mainstream media, relatives, coworkers, your boss, society, culture, and the voices in your head. 

Stand firm and know what God says about you.

Anna Szabo Ebook Devotionals for Women #52Devotionals

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