"I am a Child of God" - Devotional #23 About Your Identity In Christ

Do you believe that you are a child of God, the king of the world? You are a royal heir inheriting the entire kingdom! This daily devotional will explain how I came to the wholehearted realization of what it means to understand and embrace the fact that I am a child of God. I hope this devotional will encourage and empower you.

Table of Content hide

1 Daily Devotional for Women: “I am a Child of God”

2 My Identity Transformation Story

2.1 My Early Life in Russia

2.2 Marriage with The Narcissist

2.3 The Realization of Who I Am In Christ

2.4 The Rivers of Living Water in My Belly

3 My New Life as a Child of God

4 How To Accept Your Identity as a Child of God

5 I Am a Child of God

6 Summary

The first thing you need to know is that I quit my job as Director of Marketing in technology in 2019 to share this important message with you. It’s been a long and difficult journey but I surrendered to God completely, though there’s much pain I had to go through and have to still go through as I write and publish God’s devotionals’ for women. This is my labor of love. The content you about to experience is very personal, intimate, and vulnerable. I’m doing it because I believe that this devotional can change your life forever.

I was told these things by my mother:

Who do you think you are? You’re a daughter of a janitor
You are not a part of our family, you’re a miscarriage
You are not like us, you must have been switched
I wish you were beautiful like your cousin Vika
Your arms are fat, you’re gonna have fat arms like your father’s side
I hate you and I just want you dead

READ: Things Narcissistic Mothers Say

The breakthrough I’m sharing here with you helped me find inner peace and contentment. I don’t need to look like my cousin Vika or Yulya or my aunt or my father’s family or fit into the idea of being a janitor’s daughter. I am a child of God.

I am here because God brought me here for His divine reason. I have my own destiny ordained by Him. God designed my unique character for His divine purpose. God blessed me with my unconventional beauty, smarts, and other features created in His own image, perfectly, fearfully, and wonderfully. I own my own mind. This gives me freedom.

I hope this devotional will offer you a unique spiritual perspective on yourself, which I hope results in your liberation from the labels and boxes assigned to you by other people.

When you know who you are, whose you are, why you’re here, where you’re going, and how to get there, you know the truth, which sets you free. That’s when you can have peace that passes all understanding, as well as genuine joy. I hope this devotional sets you free.

The format of this daily devotional for women is “self-examination” so I’ll be sharing my personal story of how I discovered what God says about me and how I came to believe that I am a child of God. It happened when I was suicidally depressed in my narcissistic marriage. During that traumatic season of life, God drew me close, revealed Himself to me, and strengthened my faith.

READ: What is Faith?

My faith resulted in wholehearted surrender, including giving up all control over my always-happy maniac presence and becoming completely open and vulnerable sharing my real self. I trust that revealing my deep insecurities and spiritual breakthroughs in this Biblical devotional will encourage and empower you to share your real self with the world. I pray that you’ll be moved and inspired as you witness this story of Jesus’ glory.

READ: Who is Jesus?

May this devotional be a blessing to you! May your spirit be moved! May your heart be set on fire! May your emotions be stirred up! May you wake up to the spiritual reality and realize that you live in the natural, yes, but you also live in the heavenly realms right now. In the natural, you may be a child of a human but you are also a child of God.

I am a Child of God #52Devotionals Devotions for Women by Anna Szabo

Daily Devotional for Women: “I am a Child of God”

The realization of my true identity didn’t happen overnight. It took time, work, seeking, grieving, healing, and of course, God-ordained breakthroughs during soul-digging. My story begins many years ago when I was a little Russian girl. Born out of wedlock during the crush of the USSR, raised on welfare by a single mom with mental health issues, I experienced a lot of hatred and bullying from her, as well as confusion about who I was and why I was even born.

I attempted suicide twice as a child.

All I knew about my father was that he was in jail and that I was an unwanted accident. I grew up in a home full of alcoholic relatives from whom I endured emotional abuse and physical violence. I was raped twice. I experienced teen pregnancy. I suffered a miscarriage at 17. There was so much pain… But the biggest pain came from not knowing who or whose I was, as well as seeking to understand why I was here. My early years were spent wandering about my identity.

I couldn’t believe that I was my mother’s child. I couldn’t accept that I truly belonged to the family I lived with because they claimed that I was a worthless piece of nothingness, a mistake, a miscarriage, an unwanted accident. For many years, my identity confusion translated into various addictions and three failed marriages. I was seeking love and acceptance. I wanted to belong. I found God and received unconditional love, peace, and true joy. Here’s how it happened…

My Identity Transformation Story

I came to Christ in 2014 when I was 31 years old. Prior to that, I lived in my own power, which led me to the end of myself. That was when I had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ, whom I invited to be my lord and savior. I asked Him to rid me of myself and make me new.

Ever since, God set my heart on fire.

It’s been an interesting and sacred journey full of unexpected difficulties, never-ending jabs, and painful right hooks. But my power no longer comes from me. I can do all things through Christ! So, sometimes, walk with God, but often, God walks and carries me in His arms. Life has meaning and purpose, and so is my pain.

Knowing that I am a child of God is the biggest blessing for me every day. My life is still a series of various seasons: there are highs and there are lows. But everything is different with God. How? I know that God has a plan, the plan is good, I am a part of God’s good plan, and He has me here on His divine purpose. Here’s how I arrived here…

My Early Life in Russia

I was born out of wedlock in Russia in 1983 into a family of alcoholics to a single mother who hated me. She was also hated by her mother, which was apparent to me from a very young age as we all lived together. There were ten people in a four-bedroom condo: my mom, me, her middle sister and her daughter, her little sister and her family, and my grandparents. Physical fights with knives and axes were a total norm in our household. Alcoholism, adultery, and anarchy reigned.

Life was confusing for me.

My grandma was so ashamed of me being fatherless that she asked for me to never call her “grandma” in front of people. My family made and sold their own alcohol. My grandma, my aunt, and my mom were all working as janitors, and they envisioned the same professional future for me. Emotional and physical abuse, rape, two suicide attempts – I’ve been through it all. My life at home was humiliating and debilitating. I hated every single day of it, and twice it became so unbearable that I tried to escape by suicide.

READ: My Suicide Story

My mother started getting me addicted to porn when I was very young. I kept my virginity till 16, which was too long for her, so she highly encouraged me to finally just give it away. I did. Then, I slept around and mistreated my body carelessly. This is all described in a series of articles about sex addiction, ts symptoms, and my recovery.

READ: My Sex Addiction Story

I slept around and often drank myself to the point of unconsciousness. My lifestyle was the exact copy of what was modeled to me at home. I was told by my mom on a regular basis: “You’re worthless, I hate you and I just want you dead!” I felt unwanted, unwelcome, and unworthy. My mom even dressed me up as a boy when I was little, because she resented who I was: a girl.

I couldn’t make peace with the fact that I was that family’s child. I rejected that identity and wanted to break free from any association with the people in my household. I endured rejection and abuse from them personally. I watched them abusing and hurting each other. They abused my cousins, and my cousins abused me. I had no respect for the adults in my household because they were mostly always drunk and stupid. My uncles were often found drunk and unconscious on the floor in their own piss or even vomit. My aunt was raped drunk on the streets, and I witnessed all this day after day growing up. I wanted to have a new identity. I wanted to be free from those people who abused me as a child and caused so much unbearable pain in my life and all around them.

You can see pictures of my family in my award-winning book about goal-setting. Later in life, in my mid-twenties, I emigrated to America and established a name for myself. Anna Stevens was an award-winning author and speaker, a graduate of four universities (mostly with high honors). I’m talking about this person as if it were someone else but I am Anna Stevens.

WATCH: Anna Stevens vs Anna Szabo

My book about smart goals was recognized by International Book Awards and Indie Excellence Awards. I was interviewed for magazines, radio, and TV. It appeared as if I knew who I was and life was good. It seemed to be that new chapter I had dreamed of all those years in Russia. It looked like freedom.

Articles were published in magazines about me. Television programs featured my life story. Multiple podcasts invited me regularly to be a guest speaker and share my point of view on life, business, and other subjects I cared about, including goal-setting and confidence. I stood comfortably in my identity as Anna Stevens, until it was shuttered completely. Here’s how it happened.

Marriage with The Narcissist

After my baptism, I began doing some work, which God prepared in advance for me to do. Jesus always moved toward a mess, and so I moved toward a very big mess and created a lot of Christian content on the topic of Biblical perspective on sexuality in the context of dating. You can find out more by checking out “Dating Advice for Women.” That was the season Satan targeted and attacked me. I was unsuspecting and naive. Also, I didn’t fully understand my identity in Christ, so I was still grounded in worldly things instead of God’s holy word.

READ: How Satan Came at Me Looking Saint

I remember January 31st of 2016… I had a boyfriend. His name was Michel. I loved him with all my heart and kept a thanksgiving journal where after each date, I wrote gratitude notes, acknowledging what I cherished in his character. Michel was special to me.

I wanted to show him how special he was and also help him feel special, so that day, I prepared a picnic for Michel. Homemade food and a beautiful view of a fountain on a small lake. The scenery was breath-taking. It all took place at Perimeter Church on a late Sunday afternoon.
Why was I with my boyfriend at church picnicking late Sunday afternoon?

We were getting ready to go to the pre-engagement counseling class at Perimeter Church called “Right Path.” Michel signed us up for that class. He had told me he wanted to marry me, which was just a few weeks after we started dating. I said I’ll consider if we go to pre-engagement counseling.

Michel chose Perimeter Church because he graduated from Metro Atlanta Seminary there (according to him). I said I would need pre-engagement counseling before I could respond to his idea of marriage. That’s how we got into the “Right Path” class.

That Sunday afternoon, we were hungry.

We were about to go to class and learn about marriage. A picnic seemed to be the best way to spend our time together while waiting for the class. I thought it would make Michel feel special. We always enjoyed meals together. Both of us loved cooking, so this was a perfect pastime for us. The weather was cool that day, so I brought a blanket. I was wearing a black jacket with a leather belt from H&M to stay warm.

I was setting up the picnic, turned around, and there was Michel kneeling in front of me with a ring. Are you curious to know my response? First I yelled” “What the hell?!” No, I’m not kidding… I actually responded with those very words. Really! After that, I looked at Michel and saw our future together.

I saw the man I respected and loved.

Not only did I say “YES” to his marriage proposal but I also said this: “Michel, you are the most Christ-like man I’ve ever met. With your behaviors, actions and interactions with me and others, you’ve exhibited the Fruit of the Spirit” – and I named the nine – “I’ll be honored to spend the rest of my life with you.” Those were my exact words, and I meant each and every one of them wholeheartedly.

Michel worked at a mega-church in Alpharetta at the time and portrayed himself as a seminary graduate who loved Jesus. It seemed as if God was Michel’s priority. All the qualities I listed above, he truly exhibited in our dating relationship. Most of the time when I thought about Michel, I thought “Christ-like.” We were married on May 14th, 2016 in front of family and friends, and I thought it was all for real. I thought Michel married me because he wanted to be married to me.

Michel Szabo and Anna Szabo Wedding Atlanta 2016

Our wedding was emotional. It appeared to be very truthful, in the natural, but in the spiritual realm, I was eloquently and cleverly being trapped. As I walked down the aisle, there stood Michel, the man I loved and adored! He had tears of happiness in his eyes. Michel declared his genuine love for me to the world that day, or at least it appeared so, in the natural. Our wedding took place in Norcross, GA, at a Russian restaurant called “Verdi.” Here’s our wedding video. After the wedding, Michel abandoned our marriage and declared to me: “My bicycle is my other wife I cheat on you with.” He said that he wasn’t interested in me anymore and wanted to be an IronMan and complete in Kona.

We never made it to even a honeymoon.

Right after our wedding, we went to Chattanooga, TN for an IronMan competition on May 22nd, 2016. Michel rejected me not just verbally and with his daily actions, but sexually, too, stating that he didn’t want sex and needed to save his body for IronMan training. Michel treated me as if I were a stranger in our home. He never treated me as his wife.

READ: Narcissistic Abuse Examples

Prior to our wedding, Michel requested that I give up my name Anna Stevens and accept his last name Szabo to honor him. So, after I married Michel, I became Anna Szabo. I was now ashamed of having Michel’s last name because he never treated me as his actual wife. I had such a painful inner conflict between Anna Stevens, who I was before we got married, and Anna Szabo, who I became after I married Michel.

I felt that Michel didn’t deserve the honor of passing his last name to me.
I felt sad for letting my identity go and becoming someone I couldn’t accept: a woman who’s been traded in for a bicycle. I resented my situation and I regretted saying yes to Michel. I was bitter toward Anna Szabo but I was no longer Anna Stevens, so I was disoriented and totally devastated by the narcissistic relationship abuse in our marriage. My identity crisis resulted in a severe suicidal depression.

At the time, I had a Biblical counselor: Tammy. Under her leadership, I decided to refocus from what Michel said about me and instead focus on what God said about me. I started searching the Bible to find out “What does God say about me?” And I found 52 truths about my identity in Christ. With each new truth I discovered, God gave me a Biblical devotional for myself and also other Christian women to memorize, practice, and share. I put them together in a free ebook called “52 Things God Says About You.” Here’s the book for you to download.

52 things God says about your identity in Christ - Anna Szabo

One of the devotionals I received from the Holy Spirit was about my identity as a child of God. It’s also the truth about your identity as a child of God. This divine truth is universal, ageless, and sacred. It’s able to break the strongholds and set you free from the bondage with worldly lies. Who is imposing lies about you on you? The Devil.

Satan is a liar and the father of lies.

It’s best explained in my article called “Who Is Satan?” His strategy is to attack your identity and confuse you about who you are, whose you are, why you’re here, and where you’re headed. Your identity is the first thing the Devil goes for once he traps you into spiritual warfare.

My God-ordained Biblical counselor Tammy taught me during our weekly meetings what kind of battle I was in, why I was in that battle, and how I was supposed to fight it: by putting on the armor of God daily and standing strong in God’s truth about who I am in Christ.

That work was really difficult. Why? Because changing thinking habits takes much effort and a long time. Repeatedly, I had to take every thought captive and submit it to the truth God told me about my identity as His child. At first, it was exhausting. Over time, it jumpstarted my narcissistic abuse recovery and promoted my healing. From the realization of who I am in Christ to embedding this truth into my daily thinking, there was a long journey of the daily surrender of everything I ever knew, of my own worldly understanding, of my own plans, of my own opinions, and acceptance of God’s word.

The Realization of Who I Am In Christ

Before standing in my identity as a child of God became a habit, there was a season of spiritual searching, torture, uncertainty, and confusion. As I was seeking to discover who God said I was, I stumbled upon Galatians 3:26 and John 7:38. These scriptures cause such a transformation in my understanding of who I am as God’s daughter.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.
Galatians 3:26

What this Biblical truth meant to me was that I could put aside my identity as my mother’s daughter and as Michel’s wife and be who I truly am as a child of God, regardless of my last name.

I am a child of God! This was such a huge breakthrough for me. My conflict between Anna Stevens and Anna Szabo was resolved, and I felt integrated as a person finally. Life didn’t become rainbow-unicorny. Butterflies didn’t appear all over, and there were no fireworks to celebrate. Life continued, and there were up, and there were downs, but what changed was my wholehearted acceptance of identity as God’s child. That became the most important part of me. I was still Michel’s wife and my mother’s daughter, but those things no longer defined me. God defined me. God determined my destiny – not Michel, not my mother, not my last name… but God!

I’ve learned from my studies of the Bible that I have God’s character, infinite intelligence, sound mind, and a powerful spirit. I’ve learned that becoming God’s child through my faith in Christ also exposed me to the miracle of the “rivers of living water.”

He that believes on me, as the scripture has said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.
John 7:38

Rivers of living waters flowing out of my belly… That was exactly what happened to me! Some translations of the scriptures say “rivers of living water flowing from her heart,” “will have streams of living water flow from deep within her,” “from within her shall flow rivers of living water,” “from her innermost being shall flow rivers of living water,” “from deep within the person who believes in me…”

And there were rivers flowing from my belly.

Here’s ow it all happened.

The Rivers of Living Water in My Belly

In March of 2017, all of a sudden one morning I woke up with a poem dwelling in my head. I had never written a poem before. It was the day before our divorce mediation. Michel filed for divorce twice in our first eight months of marriage. I was so broken-hearted and severely suicidal but that was exactly when God gave me the rivers of living water as I continuously sought Him, His truth, His will, and His presence.

It was at 4 am. I was in my bed. A poem was loud in my headspace. I was confused as to what this experience actually was. Why was I having a rhyming poem in my head when I have an MBA and a doctoral in criminal justice? I had never been a poet… What happened? I captured the poem in my iPhone notes. That day, my second poem was born. The poems were very personal and intimate. They reflected exactly what I was going through in life and my marriage. What was that? I finally was beginning to be able to refocus from my worldly drama with Michel to my beautiful eternity with God. I was realizing that the fact that I am a child of God was so much more important than the fact that Michel traded me in for an IronMan bicycle. In the next few months, I wrote 200 poems all based on the Gospel of Truth.

How was it possible?

John 7:38 has me the answer.

Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.
John 7:38

I believed in Jesus, and He gave me the rivers of living water. They started flowing from deep within me, which refers to the Holy Spirit in me, or my belly, my heart. The Holy Spirit gave me all those sacred poems and devotionals, as well as my Christian podcast for women. Everything was from God – the beauty for my ashes. All that content was God’s gift. He collected my every tear and blessed me.

I began sharing those Poems from God, and women were telling me how much the content of my rivers of living water was helping them. None of it was from me. I wouldn’t even know how to go about writing a poem. It was all the product of the Holy Spirit dwelling in me.

That was how this series of #52Devotionals was born: one by one, at 4 am, every day, until the entire book “52 Things God Says About You” came to life. Let me just tell you this: writing devotionals was not one of my life goals and surely it was not in my plans. Devotionals were not my strength or priority. I had never ever thought about writing Biblical devotionals. But God’s plan prevails!

I authored 52 Biblical devotionals for women and put them all in a little book I began giving away for free to encourage and empower women through my ministry. If this content has helped you, please show your support and make a donation now.

My New Life as a Child of God

My new identity as a child of God made the childhood troubles I endured and the confusion of being rejected by Michel after our wedding almost irrelevant. I’ve learned to stand confidently in my identity as a child of God, a daughter of the King of the entire universe, a Princess!

I’ve learned to get used to the rivers of living water pouring from my deepest being, my belly, my heart, the Holy Spirit in me. I’ve learned new ways of thinking. I’ve adopted new behaviors. I became new as a child of God in Christ. I’ve discovered the peace that passes all understanding and the joy of the Lord. My life is a gift!

You see, my mom hated me. She sexualized me and taught me only evil things. We were never believers. God was never a part of our life growing up. I was taught anger, adultery, and alcoholism. I developed OCD and perfectionism as a way to control at least some aspects of my environment and life. I was a sex addict for most of my adult life seeking love and acceptance. But God made me new as His child.

God gave me not just a new identity but a whole new life. He gave me new hope, new thoughts, new ways of living, and a new purpose. He gave me a new spirit, a new heart, and a new future. If you’ve been listening to my Christian podcast The Anna Szabo Show and watching my YouTube videos, you know that I always talk about God and His work in me, as well as through me. I’ve been sharing about God’s love for His children, His goodness and faithfulness, and His promises. How do I know all this? From my real Father God. That’s the rivers of living water flowing from the Holy Spirit in me. It’s not my own understanding but the infinite intelligence of God revealed to me and through me.

The anger, the addictions, the rage, the perfectionism, and the desire for control – all went away and, instead, the rivers of living waters began flowing from deep within me: poetry, devotionals, art, and even Christian fairytales! My Christian podcast, YouTube channel, the book of Biblical devotionals I created, all the Christian prayers I wrote, the content on this Christian blog, and the global impact of this ministry are all the rivers of living water flowing out of the Holy Spirit in me. Accepting my identity as a child of God allowed for this sacred miracle to happen. How did I accept my identity?

How To Accept Your Identity as a Child of God

I accepted my identity in Christ by first understanding what the Bible says about me as a child of God and then prioritizing this truth over any worldly lies I had ever heard about myself. It all happened because of God’s Spirit dwelling in me. In the same way, the Holy Spirit lives in you if you accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior. You have access to God’s grace, forgiveness, peace that passes all understanding, and the joy of the Lord. Jesus died for you on the cross. You can become a child of God through your faith in Him. When you placed your faith in Christ and accepted His sacrifice, the rivers of living water became available to flow out of your deepest being. You just need to be open to God’s changes in you. Spend quiet time with Him and pray.

Accept your identity in Christ. Every day, listen to the Holy Spirit speak to you from that place of the abundance of joy within you. What are you hearing? The most important thing you must know as you’re listening for the Holy Spirit in you is that you control your thoughts, your thoughts control your mind, and your mind controls your brain. To hear the Holy Spirit speak to you, take every negative thought captive and submit it to the truth of Christ. Make the truth about your identity as a child of God reign in your mind above all else.

You can help yourself to hear God’s voice and receive the rivers of living waters by practicing Biblical affirmations. “I Am” types of affirmations help you develop a mental library of positive, Scriptures-based thoughts that you can use any time to get grounded, encouraged, empowered, and strengthened. When you’re trying to hear from God but negative thoughts disrupt you, practice Biblical affirmations you’ve memorized and see how God will transform your mind.

The rivers of living waters will flow out of your deepest being when you focus your thoughts on God’s truth, including that about who you are in Christ. To tune into the Holy Spirit within you, to hear God’s voice, memorize and practice the Biblical affirmation below.

I Am a Child of God

"I Am a Child of God" #52Devotionals

I am a child of God In Christ.
Through my faith, I became God’s daughter.
With a grateful heart, I accepted His sacrifice.
From my deepest being now flow the rivers of living water.

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What is the Holy Spirit saying to you right now after you read this Biblical devotional? Which of your identities is reigning in your thoughts? Share with me in the comments below. If this devotional was helpful, download “52 Things God Says About You!“

52 things God says about you and your identity in Christ

Summary

I am a child of God. Understanding and embracing this truth transformed my entire life, thinking habits, and even my career. I now know that I am not a mistake or an accident. I am here for a reason. God created me to be here. He prepared a future for me. This truth healed all the wounds of my past and also gave meaning to my trauma. I explain this in my blog post called “How To Be Fully Human.”

When someone wants to examine me based on my mother or father or family history, I do not submit to that. I am not like anyone in my family. I am one of a kind. There’s no one like me because God created me unique and special. How my mother is or how my father is, the choices they made, their behaviors, characters, lifestyles, or even health do not define me. I am a child of God. I’m 37 years old at the time of this writing, enjoying the best health of my life, and living at peace, in closeness with God, giving Him all the glory for my story.

What about you?

Let me know in the comments below.

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Daily Devotional for Women: “I am a Child of God”