An Open Letter To The Narcissistic Mother by Anna Szabo

Dear Mom,

I am writing this letter to acknowledge everything that happened between us and to let you know that I forgive you.

Not only that, mom, but also, I understand you.

I understand that you gave me everything you could, everything you had.

I wanted more but you didn’t have it.

It’s just that simple.

I wanted you to love me with compassion, care, and wisdom, but the truth is, mom, your mother didn’t raise you with love, compassion, and wisdom.

You abused me, it’s true, but it’s also true that you were abused.

You were angry. You were cruel. You were abusive.

It’s true, and I was so hurt. Yet, it’s also true, that you were raised surrounded by angry, cruel, and really abusive people.

You were suffering from the people who were suffering from the people who were suffering from the people who were also suffering.

You told me once that our family was cursed.

I believe in the generational curse, which is caused by our mind, what we choose to believe, think, and do.

It’s Biblical and real, because of our brain’s neuroplasticity.

Generational curses are embedded in the DNA but can be reversed by choosing different beliefs, thoughts, and actions.

Yes, we were cursed. But that curse has no more power.

What I choose to believe is this: God created in me in His image and made me a part of your family to stop the curse.

What I choose to think is this: you did the best you could under the circumstances.

What I choose to do is this: I forgive you, mom, once and for all. You are free, and so am I.

This letter symbolizes the end of my lifelong suffering.

The generational curse of narcissistic abuse is over, it ends this day.

My heart is filled with love and compassion for you, and all I want for you is hope, peace, and joy.

My heart is filled with hope, peace, and joy. I love you.

Mom, you hurt me, you traumatized me, you damaged me, you abused me, you violated me, you humiliated me publicly, you bullied me, and you inflicted so much pain on me.

You broke my heart, mom. You distorted my identity.

Mom, you were supposed to love me. But instead, you abused me.

You are the one who had the responsibility to protect me, nurture me, teach me, prepare me for life, show me what respect and honor look like in a woman’s life, and equip me to be a functional adult.

Yet, you chose to teach me promiscuity, adultery, alcoholism, and suicide.

Dysfunction, addictions, anger, jealousy, violence, adultery, cheating, hatred, sarcasm, cynicism, doubt, depression, and rage – that’s what you consistently taught me, over and over again.

Most importantly, you taught me to hate and despise myself.

You taught me that I am a nobody, that I do not matter, and that my dreams and aspirations are delusional.

You taught me that life is not for me, that I’m an outsider in this life, that my reality is an illusion because I was not supposed to be born, that I was a mistake, and that I don’t deserve to live.

Mom, you chose to shatter my identity and persuade me that I am worthless, useless, unwanted, unloved, ugly, stupid, and crazy.

You taught me to believe wholeheartedly that I do not belong in life, that I need to be dead, that I am no match for actual human living.

The truth is this: you delivered me here but you did not make me. I came here not from you, mom. I came here through you from God.

God made me. I was made by God, mom, I am precious, worthy, loved, and alive for a purpose. God brought me here for His divine purpose.

You have no power over my mind anymore, mom, no more suicidal ideation, no more self-hatred, no more self-doubt, no more self-harming, no more feeling like I am your servant.

Mom, I have a purpose for my life, there’s a big plan, and God made me a part of it. I choose life.

I am liberating myself from the curses of the cruel abuse, the countless lies, the profound hatred, the traumatic impact, and the negative influence of your family’s generational curse.

The curse no longer has any power over me.

From this day forward, I am walking with God in the power of Christ and my heart is filled with love. And I love you.

My desire for a genuine relationship with you is still alive but I do recognize and accept that we can’t have a safe relationship.

This is a hard truth to deal with but I trust God and I am following in the steps He ordained for my life.

I know that God will make every wrong thing right. I always wanted to have a good mother-daughter relationship with you. It never happened.

I’ve grieved my losses. And I forgive you, mom.

From this day on, I choose life. I choose God. I am His, and He made me alive, precious, special, and wonderful. God gave me a new identity.

I am a child of God.

Mom, I forgive you. I forgive you because of Jesus Christ, my lord and savior. You are forgiven, mom.

I am leaving right here the heavy burden of my bitterness and resentment. I am setting myself free right now. I am liberating my soul right now.

I am choosing to live. I am excited about my future.

I am filled with peace and joy. I like who I am.

I respect and honor myself. And I accept your choices.

Mom, you don’t owe me anything anymore.

I’m releasing you from the debt, and this is your debt-free decree. I love you and I will honor you as my mother by staying away from your abuse and hatred, by being a functional and productive adult, by serving God and His kingdom, and by sharing my story of God’s glory to encourage and empower other survivors, the daughters like me of mothers like you.

I choose to set you free.

I choose to also liberate myself and be free.

Mom, you are released from being indebted to me, and I am released from being in bondage with you.

I pray for your peace and salvation. I love you, mom.

I pray that you will find joy and contentment. I pray for your healing.

As for me, I pray that I will continue to choose life every day and make this world a better place by being in it – alive.

In Jesus’ marvelous holy name I pray.



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