I am a Peacemaker - Daily Devotional for Women by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women

Growing up during the crush of the USSR, raised by a single mom with mental health issues, surrounded by alcoholic relatives who fought all the time, I was taught to be a troublemaker. My grandma physically abused my grandpa almost every day. My mom beat the life out of me. My aunt chased me with a knife when I was only five, which was when my grandma also tried to chock me… Trouble, abuse, violence, drama, anger, screaming, slamming doors, and fighting – those things were demonstrated to me and taught as normal human interaction. They were a part of my identity. Then, I accepted my identity in Christ. Today, I am a peacemaker because God says so about me! Come on a journey with me!

I am a Peacemaker  #52Devotionals Devotions for Women  by Anna Szabo

Marrying Michel Szabo

I am a peacemaker. Yet, to realize this and to help me step into my Biblical identity, my life had to take a very dramatic and completely unexpected turn. I hope that as I take you on a journey with me, you can reflect on your own life and see how God is working in you and through you right now, which is why you ended up on this blog.

It was Saturday, September 24th of 2016. My friend Joe had an afternoon birthday party at Seasons 52 in Dunwoody, GA. There I met his then-girlfriend Sheila. They invited me to Harvest, a free Christian conference at the Infinite Energy Arena in Gwinnett County, which was taking place that same evening. I had no idea what Harvest by Greg Laurie was about but I did want to spend time with Sheila and Joe. So, I went to that Christian conference. It was hosted by Pastor Greg Laurie: 24,466 attendees; 1,052 people came to Christ that night right before my eyes. It was a night of biblical teachings, my favorite worship music, unexpected Gospel miracles, and my personal transformation, which I had no idea was coming.

Four months prior, Michel and I got married. But I didn’t wake up at home in Cumming, GA (our marital residence) with my husband that Saturday morning. Instead, I woke up with my friend Tanya in her bed in Dunwoody, GA where she rented a room. 

Why? Michel and I were separated.

He stopped talking to me and was giving me silent treatment just a few weeks after our wedding. This all began early but slowly and escalated every day very quickly. I described the abuse Michel used on me and provided specific examples in an essay called Narcissistic Manipulation Techniques. As a new bride who loved her husband and moved cities for him, I was completely confused once he told me “My bicycle is my other wife I cheat on you with!” “I don’t want to have sex with you, I need to save my body for my IronMan training!” “All I want is to be an IronMan and compete in Kona!”

I’m going to share our wedding invitation below.

Michel Szabo and Anna Stevens wedding invitaton

I needed some time to put my head back together after hearing these things and experiencing everyday rejection from Michel, which I described with specific examples in an essay called Rejection and Mental Cruelty. I was with Tanya who only had 1 bed. And that’s why I woke up with her that Saturday morning.

Michel was away doing another IronMan.

I am a peacemaker today. But at the time, I was so angry that Michel chose IronMan instead of me. I wrote a detailed essay about this topic called IronMan vs Marriage where I share how much pain I endured when my Christian husband traded me in for an IronMan bicycle. I was not at peace. I was enraged. I was devastated!

That Saturday night, at the Harvest Conference, Joe, Sheila, and I worshipped together along with thousands of people. I felt uplifted and inspired. Pastor Greg Laurie gave away free orange Bibles. I got one. It was beautiful, big, and thick. I held it in my hands the entire time because of its large size. And there was one more book Greg Laurie gave away. It was a little book, very thin, and it was unnoticeably grey. It had a weird name: “Tell Someone.” 

I grabbed one to share it with Michel. 

Michel wasn’t talking to me or even acknowledging my existence for a long time, so I didn’t give him the book right away. One day, I found the little skinny grey book in my purse to give it to Michel. To be exact, I gave it to him in February of 2017 when he was sick with the flu.

In our marriage, all we had was trouble.

We had a very strange life: Michel asked me to marry him and to build a life together, yet, he was single, as our therapist said, he kept his bachelor’s lifestyle and wasn’t present or emotionally available for a marriage relationship with me. I was angry, hurt, and confused. I became depressed and suicidal and had to be in the care of two counseling professionals who worked with me 1:1, in addition to marriage counseling we were receiving. I described this in great detail in an essay called I Went to Narcissistic Abuse Therapy. Michel regularly threatened me that something really bad was going to happen to me the same way he made it happen to his sister. He always carried a gun. I would come home from work after commuting 100 miles a day to earn a living and Michel would say: “I am not in the right state of mind, so, if I were you, I’d leave this house now!

I am a peacemaker today.

Yet, there was no peace in our marriage back then.

Michel Szabo and Anna Szabo Wedding Atlanta 2016

Hearing from The Holy Spirit

I felt deceived by Michel who had portrayed himself as a God-fearing Christian man. In fact, he worked at the mega-church I attended When he met and started pursuing me, he was a Dr. Jeckyl but after the wedding, I ended up with Mr. Hyde. I described my experience in an essay called What Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Do to Your Psyche. Michel’s behavior was confusing. I felt disoriented. I had many questions…

At the Harvest Conference, something miraculous happened that changed the trajectory of my life forever. Everyone needs to attend Harvest by pastor Greg Laurie. His preaching is vulnerable and straight-forward. The Holy Spirit spoke to me for the first time ever there

I remember thousands of people shouting in joy. It was dark, loud, intense. Pastor Greg Laurie announced that he would pray and the Holy Spirit would then speak to me directly. He prayed. The Holy Spirit spoke to me directly.

What heard was this: “You will redeem your husband.”

What?!

The Holy Spirit said again: “You will redeem your husband.”

I was puzzled… How would I do that?

I had no idea.

I shared with Sheila and Joe that night what the Holy Spirit said to me. They invited me to come back the next day for day two of the conference. My plan was to come back. After that Saturday worship, I went back to Tanya’s place. I was feeling unsettled. I knew that things were changing. I was anxious from all the uncertainty I had encountered in my everyday marriage with Michel. I didn’t know the future. I didn’t know God’s plan. I loved my husband but I was completely exhausted by his cruelty and abuse. I wanted to know what was happening and why. I wanted to fix my marriage. I married Michel because I genuinely wanted to be with him but he betrayed and abandoned me.

Life was in a season where it sucked very much. I married a man who literally disappeared and I was now married to a whole other guy… How was I supposed to even wrap my head around my situation? I became confused even more after the Holy Spirit spoke to me. I was relying on my own worldly and limited understanding of things, and I couldn’t understand anything at all…

Michel Szabo with Anna Stevens (Anna Szabo) - Engagement Pictures

Michel’s Divorce Summons

The next day, on Sunday, September 25th of 2016, I came back to the Harvest Conference with Tanya, and we planned to meet Sheila and Joe there. That afternoon, at that Christian conference, a process server Jerry served me with Michel’s divorce summons. I was shocked. I was puzzled. I was in disbelief. I was devastated. What about hearing from the Holy Spirit the day before about my husband’s redemption? How was I supposed to move forward? 

I am a peacemaker today.

But that day, I literally lost my mind. 

I fell into a severe suicidal depression. I became unable to move, I’d lie in bed without food or water and stare at the white ceiling for hours. I didn’t care. I had no more energy. I wanted to die. I preferred death that another day of life with Michel. This is explained in great detail in my personal essay called How Satan Came at Me Looking Saint.

While I was going through all that, the Holy Spirit began to speak with me more and more. In November of 2016, Michel asked me to reconcile our marriage, and I said yes. In December, his first divorce was dismissed. He began asking me for money, he demanded that we sell our marital residence, which we had just remodeled to have our family there, he was extremely abusive, and I saw that his intentions were cruel and well-calculated. In January of 2017, five weeks after our reconciliation, I was served with Michel’s second divorce summons. He filed for his second divorce in our first eight months of marriage.

Court documents are public records. You can access them by providing the following case numbers for the two divorces Michel filed in our first few months of marriage:

Michel Szabo vs Anna Szabo 16CV-1802-2
Michel Szabo vs Anna Szabo 17CV-0058-2

Forsyth County
be holy for i am holy - Michel Szabo and Anna Stevens' wedding May 14th 2016 at Verdi in Norcross

God’s Challenge for Me

A few weeks after his second divorce filing, Michel got very sick with the flu. That’s when I discovered the little grey book by pastor Greg Laurie in my purse. In February of 2017. Michel and I lived separately in two different bedrooms. The stress in that house was very high. Michel gave access to our home to random dudes. He loved walking around naked with an erection on, while smiling. He blocked me from using air conditioning in September and heat in the winter. I would wake up in the winter in 56F often, and he blocked NEST app from me with a password. He put a ladder to my bathroom window to look in from the outside, and when I asked to remove it, he laughed. One night, he came into my bedroom and had sex with me when I was sleepy at 3 am, then resorted to discarding me and giving me the silent treatment pretending like I didn’t exist. It was very difficult to live in such an insane environment. But I loved Michel and was fully committed to our marriage.

I’m going to share our wedding favors below.

“Tell Someone” is a strange name for a book. I wasn’t interested in reading it. I got it for Michel. Remember? So, I grabbed the little book and shared it with Michel. Well, I placed the book in the bedroom where Michel lived. And I hoped he’d read it. Days went by, the book was covered in dust. Michel never opened it. In the meantime, I cared for him while he was sick with the flu. I took the book back, brought it into the bedroom where I lived. Just out of curiosity, I began to read it.

I couldn’t stop and finished it within an hour. 

The little grey book had a big and bright message just for me: it is my responsibility, calling, and anointing to share the Gospel with all the world. In my confusion, brokenness, pain, and suffering, God revealed hImself to me so clearly… He stirred up my heart. He set my mind on fire. He elevated my thinking. He uplifted my spirit.

God showed me the way!

How can people have faith in the Lord and ask him to save them, if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear, unless someone tells them?

Romans 10:14

“Tells them”? Telling them… Tell someone…

I was supposed to tell people about Jesus! How did I find out about Jesus? Someone told me. Have I told someone about Jesus? Not really… That was my honest dialogue with myself.

I thought that only people like Michel were qualified to “tell someone.” A seminary graduate, Michel knew the Bible back and forth and quoted it any chance he had. He always boasted to people about what he did for God: seminary, mission trips, working at North Point Church for years, etc. Michel also officiated weddings and did pre-marital counseling teaching people the word of God. No, this is not a joke.

READ: Who Is Satan?

I had no seminary background. I certainly didn’t work at a church. And I was never capable of quoting the Bible in everyday life situations because I hadn’t even read the full Bible at the time. I simply didn’t feel qualified to tell people about Jesus. 

“Tell Someone” by Greg Laurie was a hidden gift. I mean literally: it was a huge gift hidden in my purse for many months in a form of a little gray book. God’s timing is perfect. When we are ready, He will always reveal Himself. I had no idea, grabbing the book for Michel that night at the Harvest Conference, that actually it was a gift for me.

Greg Laurie’s writing style was so simple! 

It was tailored to me personally.

His own story of coming to Christ was very relatable. His behaviors and lifestyle before meeting Jesus reminded me my own lifestyle of alcoholism, anger, confusion, and sex addiction. Greg Laurie gave me a clear understanding and examples of how God can take a wretch and make a prophet to the nations out of him (or her). 

The book made me think a lot… 

And out of that thinking, dwelling, and pondering was born my decision to live at peace with Michel and everyone, no matter the divorces, the abuse, the betrayal, and all the pain. I found a deep desire in my heart to simply follow God’s plan, regardless of what the world was bringing my way. I found peace within myself. I found a new dwelling in my heart – a calling to “tell someone.” I realized that there is nothing more important for me to do than to tell the world about Jesus and share the Gospel with people so they, too, can follow Christ. My breakthrough was this: I can only share the word of God if I am at peace even in the midst of a crazy worldly drama. A few days later, God gave me the gift of living waters described in my essay called The Rivers of Living Water. That miracle resulted in a new book I authored with 52 Biblical devotionals and over 100 Christian poems I created called Poems From God. The little grey book was indeed a hidden gift! And it was meant for me.

Living in Peace

Living in peace was a huge undertaking: Michel was pursuing his second divorce, he was exhausting me financially, I was fighting a severe suicidal depression and was physically ill, and I was overall disoriented and desperate for answers. 

My standard response was anger

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Matthew 5:9

How could I be a peacemaker in such dramatic circumstances? What could I do to have peace in the midst of such a huge storm in my life? I thought I was completely done, at some point, but God gave me a new breath and refreshed my hope. But there was a tornado, I was literally in it. How could I live at peace?

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Romans 12:18

As far as it depended on me, normally, anger was my response to betrayal, cheating, abuse, and abandonment. I felt so hurt by Michel, so furious with him. I felt devastated by watching what he did with our marriage. I felt confused. Michel deceived me. In my own power, I couldn’t be a peacemaker. But with Christ, all things are possible!

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.

Colossians 3:15

The peace of Christ! Not my own peace. But Christ’s peace. Ok. That I could do. So, I started a gratitude practice. At first, it was hard to find things to be grateful for in such a sad situation. But the more I practiced the skill of gratitude, the more things I found to be grateful for. It was a catch 22. I just had to get started, and God opened up my eyes to the things previously unseen.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

I was anxious to restore my marriage and to love my husband. My petition to God was to save my marriage. But when I began practicing gratitude, even though my marriage was still broken and Michel still traded me in for an IronMan bicycle daily, I did learn to have God’s peace.  

Live in peace with each other.

1 Thessalonians 5:13

I continued to live in peace with Michel until I moved out of our marital residence after the divorce mediation, which was in March. On April 1st of 2017, I moved into my new home on the Chattahoochee River surrounded by the National Recreational Area, wilderness, and water. Finding peace in the midst of that crazy adversity was the biggest gift for me. I took it into my future as I moved on with my new life

Now tell him that I am making my special covenant of peace with him.

Numbers 25:12

God’s peace is a covenant.

It’s His promise to us.

We can be peace-makers because we have God’s peace

And from that place of peace and contentment, I was able to learn how to tell people about Jesus and share the Gospel. In that same state of peace, I launched this Christian ministry and wrote my first book to “tell someone” about Jesus. My little ebook is called “52 Things God Says About You.” I’m going to give you a link below to download it for free. In the meantime, if you want to support my ministry, donate now. Your contributions really matter. You can help make a difference in God’s kingdom.

Even though sharing the good news of Jesus Christ was not a part of my educational training or work experience and I was genuinely scared, I took a risk every time there was a message swirling within me. God called me by my name through this entire experience of adversity, He comforted me, and He asked me to share hope with others through this ministry. To share God’s message, I built a Christian YouTube channel. I launched a Christian podcast for women. I produced dozens of Christian guided meditations. I did all this, though it was a risk every time because I am in no way qualified, in my own opinion. But through Christ, I can do all things! Today, I’m regularly receiving many messages from women who benefit from this ministry. I give God the glory for this story.

What is God doing in your heart to transform you into a peace-maker? If He is calling you to discover His peace that passes all understanding, memorize the Biblical affirmation below.

I Am a Peacemaker

I am a peacemaker #52Devotionals

God called me to be a peacemaker.
My goal is to live at peace with everyone.
With humility and gentleness, I’m a risk-taker
Who pursues passionately God’s command to “tell someone.” 

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As a peacemaker, what action will you take now to “tell someone”? Let me know in the comments below. I want to encourage you and cheer you on. When you share your story, you give God all the glory. Your testimony can encourage and empower someone who’s confused, lost, in pain, or even suicidal. Share in the comments how God is working in you and through you right now. Below is my free ebook for you.

Anna Szabo's 52 Devotionals ebook revealing 52 things God says about you

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