"I am God's Masterpiece" - Devotional #26 About Your Identity in Christ

Have you ever felt like you somehow randomly made it into this world? You have been created by God as His masterpiece. You were made on purpose. Your life has meaning. I was taught from a young age that I was worthless and a mistake. Today, I know that I am God’s masterpiece!

Table of Content hide

1 Feeling Random and Purposeless

2 Discovering My Life’s Purpose

3 Realizing That I Am God’s Masterpiece

4 Living Out My Purpose

5 I Am God’s Masterpiece

I am God's Masterpiece #52Devotionals Devotions for Women by Anna Szabo

Feeling Random and Purposeless

Let’s just get this out of the way: at 11 and 12, I tried to commit suicide. I am a two-time suicide survivor. Until that Summer when I was 12, I felt completely random and totally purposeless. Why? I was told so. I was shown so. I was reassured again and again that I was unwanted and that there was no future for me.

Who taught me these things?

My mom.

Born out of wedlock during the crush of the USSR, raised on welfare by a single mom with mental health issues, I was assured by her that, as a stupid and ugly person, I would never amount to anything. She told me again and again that I was worthless and a mistake.

My mom described to me often, without any regret, how she went to abort me. She would look me straight in the eye and say: “I hate you and I just want you dead!”

We were extremely poor but what I remember the most is not poverty but rather the fact that I had never experienced unconditional love. I did experience a lot of violence and bullying from my cruel mother. I felt confused about who I was and why I was even born. I attempted suicide twice as a child.

My grandmother was ashamed of me for being fatherless so much that she asked me to never call her “grandma” in public. All I knew about my father was that he was in jail and that I was an unwanted accident. Growing up in a small Soviet condo full of adulterous alcoholic relatives, I endured emotional abuse and physical violence. I was raped twice. I experienced teen pregnancy. I suffered a miscarriage at 17.

There was so much pain in my life!

The worst pain was imposed on me by my mom.

Every day, she abused me and told me that I was worthless, stupid, ugly, unwanted, and a mistake. My mom always told me that I was an accident, that she didn’t want to have me, and that there was no future for me because I wouldn’t amount to anything in life. She consistently shared with me as I was growing up how much she hated me.

My mom called me a boy’s name until I was seven years old. She hated that I was born. She hated that I was born a girl. My relatives bullied me and called me a miscarriage. I was rejected every day of my life. Surely, I had never thought of myself as being a masterpiece created on purpose by the King of kings. I felt like I never belonged here, in this world, on earth, in this life. I was persuaded by my mother that I didn’t have the right to live because I was unwanted and unplanned.

My mother would publicly humiliate me, compare me to her girlfriends’ daughters and to my cousins, force me to get on my knees and beg her for forgiveness related to the things I didn’t do, She bullied me publicly. She’d put me on my knees in a corner, on wooden floors covered with dry buckwheat (triangular ancient grain with sharp corners), and I would be exposed not only to emotional but massive physical pain as well. I tried to commit suicide twice at 11 and 12 to escape my narcissistic mother.

I wrote two poems about my experiences:

I felt random and purposeless growing up.

I was wondering about my identity: who I was, whose I was, why I was here, where I was going… I couldn’t believe I was my mother’s child. I was hoping that someday my father would come to my rescue or my real mother would show up, and she’d be kind, loving, and patient. It never happened but I did fantasize a lot about one day having a good family where I would experience unconditional love and genuine kindness. I wanted to be a part of a family where people at least respected each other and valued one another’s humanity and dignity. It never happened. All I knew was abuse, violence, and hatred.

I was desperate to escape my mother’s violent trap. I was tired of feeling random and purposeless. I was exhausted from her abuse. That’s why I resorted to suicide. After I had attempted it for the second time when I was 12 years old, I was warned by the ambulance EMT that if one more time I’d take pills, he would tell my school’s Principal about my life at home. I loved school. I loved my Principal. So, I was scared, because the Principal was like a Guardian Angel to me. She loved and respected me. She was kind to me. At home, I was a nobody but I was a somebody at school!

So, my breakthrough regarding my life’s purpose came at that time. How? I didn’t want to live, yet, I wasn’t able to die. I thought to myself: “If I can not die now after trying so hard, there must be a god and he probably has a plan for me.” That was when I felt that my life had some kind of divine purpose, for the first time. This is described in detail in my autobiographical fairytale book called “How Priceless Lana Developed Faith and Fortitude.” There I share in-depth what changed in my heart after I realized that I wasn’t an accident or a mistake.

Princess Lana Fairytales by Anna Szabo - How Princess Lana Developed Faith and Fortitude

Discovering My Life’s Purpose

I grew up, became an adult, graduated from three universities, and emigrated from Russia to America in 2008 where I graduated with an MBA from Georgia State University in 2013 and published an award-winning book about my life called “Turn Your Dreams And Wants Into Achievable SMART Goals!“

How To Set Goals - Anna Szabo - SMART Goals Book

In 2015, a man who worked at the mega-church I attended began courting me for marriage. He was so perfect that after each date, I’d write him a gratitude letter. Four months after our wedding, my perfect Christian husband filed for divorce saying he wasn’t interested in me anymore and wanted to be an IronMan instead and compete in Kona. He called his bicycle “My other wife I cheat on you with” and I felt deceived, disoriented, devalued, discarded, and depressed.

We never made it to even a honeymoon. Instead, right after our wedding, we went to Chattanooga, TN for an IronMan competition. Michel rejected me not just verbally and with his daily actions, but sexually, too, stating that he didn’t want sex and needed to save his body for IronMan training. I was feeling like I was back in my childhood home: the same emotional abuse, the same intentional cruelty, the same pain.

Every day following our wedding, Michel treated me as a woman who just randomly ended up in the same house with him without any purpose whatsoever. He never treated me as his wife. I began to experience severe suicidal depression. Being dead seemed like a much better future than another day of the future with Michel.

RELATED: What Depression Feels Like

The relationship with Michel was almost identical to that with my mother: Michel treated me as if were a tool to make him feel good about himself. That was how my mother treated me growing up. Michel had no concern about my needs and neglected me in our private life. My mother was the same way: in public, she was always pretending to be caring and loving, but in private she was cruel and evil. Michel was the same way: he maintained a public image of a good Christian man while unmasking his character behind closed doors and switching from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.

As I was manipulated to the point of complete mental haze during our short marriage, my suicidal thoughts and the feelings of purposelessness and hopelessness increased and resulted in self-aggression. I was fed up with my desire to please the Narcissist. I decided to refocus from what he said to what God said about me. I felt random and purposeless, until, in my despair, I turned to the Bible to find out what the sacred book of ancient wisdom said about my identity.

That was how I discovered that I was God’s precious masterpiece, created in His own image, for the purpose of doing good works He prepared in advance for me to do. I finally figured out my life’s purpose. I finally knew why I was here and what I needed to do…

Realizing That I Am God’s Masterpiece

I realized that the purpose of living is life itself. I discovered that God created me for His reasons – to be. He crafted me, He manufactured me, He designed me with a special purpose: to do good work He prepared in advance for me to do. God brought me here to glorify Him. I am God’s masterpiece. I am His artful creation.

Living Out My Purpose

Once I had that breakthrough, what Michel said or did no longer mattered. I dove deep into my communion with God, the King of kings, my heavenly Father, and He revealed to me who I was, whose I was, why I was here, where I was going, and how I needed to get there.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do
Ephesians 2:10

Handiwork means artwork, which means a masterpiece. Having realized that all that is what I am, I was able to accept and embrace my identity in Christ. I grew to accept myself as God’s handiwork, art, and masterpiece instead of an accidental mistake made by my parents who weren’t either married or even courteous with each other. My perception of myself changed once the source of my identity had changed. When I understood who made me, I understood who I was.

I found out that God wants me to be like Christ. Being Christ-like is the ultimate goal of my sanctification, which is a process and not an event. Becoming Christ-like takes time. it requires an everyday commitment. I must die in my flesh and choose to walk in God’s Spirit. How do I do that? Using my free will. That’s what living is all about: learning and practicing to be like Jesus while on a journey of sanctification toward eternity with God. It’s about abiding in Christ every day while growing in faith and sharing hope with others.

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.
1 John 3:2

Wow! What I will be in the future is unknown yet but I must strive to be like Jesus. Becoming Christ-like is a process and takes a lifetime, but being God’s masterpiece is my identity already right now. I am God’s masterpiece. This was such a breakthrough that I had a heart time comprehending this. Why? I had deeply-held negative beliefs about myself. That was the reason why I tried to disagree with this Biblical truth and feel negatively about who I was. I didn’t feel comfortable to mentally or verbally confirm that “Yes, I’m a masterpiece made by God!”

So, how did I renew my mind?

I asked myself: “Do you believe that the Bible is God-breathed word?” Yes.
“Then, you must believe it in its entirety,” I told myself. Now, I know how highly I regard the Bible, believe in it, and so it is easy to accept wholeheartedly that I am God’s masterpiece.

I stepped into my identity as God’s handiwork and I embraced my life’s purpose of doing good work for God. That is how this Christian ministry was born in 2017 with the goal to encourage and empower women and help alleviate suicide among women globally by sharing hope in Christ.

What about you? Do you believe that you are God’s priceless art, created by Him intentionally for a special purpose to glorify Him? If you do, memorize the Biblical affirmation below and practice it often to remember that you are God’s masterpiece.

I Am God’s Masterpiece

I Am God's Masterpiece #52Devotionals

God created me not randomly but intentionally.
He crafted every part of me as His curious work.
He wants to perfect me to Christ-likeness eventually.
I am His precious and valuable artwork.  

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How does it make you feel to know that you are God’s masterpiece? Share with me in the comments below so I can cheer you on. When you share your story, you give God all the glory. Your testimony can encourage and empower someone who’s confused, lost, in pain, or even suicidal. Share in the comments how God is working in you right now.

Today, I help women see themselves the way God sees them. From the Bible, I discovered 52 incredibly-positive things God says about us as His daughters. Those 52 precious discoveries turned into 52 Biblical affirmations I created to encourage and empower Christian women. To help share this life-changing information with you, I created an ebook called #52Devotionals. Download it below for free. Share it with someone who needs encouragement right now.

Feeling Random and Purposeless

Discovering My Life’s Purpose

Realizing That I Am God’s Masterpiece

Living Out My Purpose

I Am God’s Masterpiece

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